Home for the Holidays

To say that it is good to be home for the holidays, is a gross understatement.  There is nothing like mom's home cooked food and playing games with my dad. Getting to sit by the fire and drink hot cocoa is one of my absolute favorite things in the world. I am very happy to be home.  However, the weird thing is that this does not completely feel like home anymore.  I just don't think that you get to go to Tanzania and come back the same.  Seeing children want nothing more than to hold your hand and giggle with delight is such a treasure. It is unbelievable to be a part of something bigger than yourself; it puts things in perspective. I have been so blessed to have the opportunity to go to Africa. God is changing lives (mostly mine, probably). God is a God of hope and purpose and peace and love. When you have nothing else, you see it much more clearly. I have learned so much from my African brothers and sisters. I love them. I miss them. 

As I process through the robbery and everything, God is so gracious and good. I know that everything is going to be okay. I know that I am going to get through all of this. My faith in God is stronger now because of all of this. How could it not be after all that I have seen. God really is who He claims to be.  God's tender mercy and love are real, it is not just some fairy tale that we tell to make ourselves feel better. I am so happy to be at home with my friends and family but I am happy that I will be going back to Tanzania to be with my other friends and family again as well. 

Back in the Saddle again

I have learned that life goes on, and that it is important to take things one day at a time. I have continued to be amazed at the overwhelming amount of people that are praying for me. The first week after the robbery, I was scheduled to teach at the teachers college and help teach at a seminar for one of the schools with around 45 teachers.  One day,  I was sharing about how to treat and teach children differently in the light of the fact that they are created by God. We talked about how being a Christian affects how we teach the material and how we relate and care for the children. It was an exciting time with them. Of course, the poor teachers had to listen to most of the examples be about math. I still don't really understand why everyone does not love math. There is nothing like a really challenging math problem and getting right. What a feeling of accomplishment, yeah, I did it! Furthermore, our understanding of math helps to see more of God's character. Before you call a mental health professional for me, let me explain! I am a total math nerd, but it really is unbelievable.  The more we understand about infinity and that we can never stop counting, the more we can start to have a glimpse of who God is. He is infinite, never ending. We cannot imagine how big God is.  He can hold the entire universe in the palm of His hand. Then, think of the infinitesimal, things that are microscopic that cannot be seen with the naked eye. God is a God of precision and accuracy. He created order and the laws of the universe.  God knows the hairs on our head. Nothing is too small for Him because He is a tender and loving God. Isn't that amazing! I would keep on going but I fear that I might put many of you to sleep. =)

The point is that I love the opportunity to open up children's minds to who God is and help create a love for learning.  We need to teach in such a way that we feed their curiousity, and their awe and wonder.  There is nothing like seeing a child's face light up with excitement as he learns something new that blows him away.  So, part of our responsibility is to help train the teachers in how to do it and even teach them importance of doing it. I really enjoyed my time at the seminar. Also, it has been good to be back at the teachers college again. I love the teachers there so much and thrilled with how much they have grown since I first met them. It will be wonderful when they start at our schools this January. 

Even though there have been so many great moments, there have been hard moments as well. I find that I am not able to handle as much. I feel less motivated.  I have a desire to withdraw at times. I have extreme reactions to things that do not usually affect me. I feel all over the place emotionally.  I know this is normal and I need time so I am just trying to hang on.  I have decided to go home for the holidays, and I can hardly wait I am so excited.  However, just making that decision was incredibly difficult.  I am usually a quick decision maker that is not afraid to take risks. For the time being, that is gone.  I think it is going to take a while to get back to normal. 

Looking Back

As the days pass, I look back more and more on what happened and I am just in awe of God's goodness and love. The Bible has come alive in ways that I never imagined. Verses like Isaiah 54:17 that says,"No weapon formed against you shall prosper." And, so many of the psalms, like Psalm 91: 2, " This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place for safety; he is my God, and I am trusting Him."  My time with Lord has been so rich and I am thankful for the peace in the midst of everything that He has given me. 

One of my love languages is physical touch.  So, whenever I feel overwhelmed with emotions, all I need is someone to put their hand on my shoulder or my back and I feel calm and peace and like I could get through whatever I am going through. Throughout the whole time that we were being robbed, I felt God's hand on my back, keeping me calm helping me get through the ordeal. 

However, what is even more amazing to me, is that I think that God was preparing me for what was going to happen.  As I think many of you know, I was robbed back in August at knife point while going for a run down in Dar es Salaam. Even though I never felt my life was in danger, I have had some issues since that time. Whenever I walking by myself, I tense up. I start thinking about what I will do if I get attacked again.  I knew that I needed to change my thinking and not assume that every man that I passed was going to attack me. Recently, I had decided to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro over Christmas. In order to train, I have been going for long walk/runs near the house where we were staying. The area I would go to was perfect for training with lots of hills and around a nice lake.  I decided that I was not going to live in fear and made a point to greet people first and assume the best but be prepared for the worst. I realized that it was possible that I would be robbed again, but I would be okay.  I thought through I would react and what I could do. 

Last Wednesday, I heard from some long term missionaries here that several years ago, the area around the lake was known for its robberies, and I should check things out to see if things had improved. I did ask around and heard that security had improved significantly and that there had not been an attack in a long time. Nonetheless, I was a little scared before I went for my run on Thursday morning. However, I did not want to live my whole life locked up in my house. I want to be wise and not put myself in danger. I was assured that I was not in any danger, so I felt like there was nothing unwise about going for the run.  Still, this made me continue to process what I would do and how to stay calm and how to treat someone if he attacked me. 

Friday morning, as I shared earlier, I led the devotions and told the story of the Nepal missionary who was attacked. Because I had shared this story, I talked with one of my co-workers for a while afterwards about God's love and how He is always at work. I, often, watch the DVD of the concert of Les Miserables, my favorite broadway show. I was telling my co-worker about the time when Jean Valjean steals from the priest. After he was arrested, the priest said he gave those items to him and even gave him more. Once the police had left and Jean Valjean was free, the priest tells him to use those things to start an honest life. Even thinking about that, I feel prepared me. It helped me to process that things are replaceable, but that might be our only chance to love that person.  Friday night, I was not in a place to do that but I do think it helped. As silly as that sounds, I think God used Les Mis to help prepare me. God will use just about anything. =) 

Furthermore, as I was sitting reading the book Friday night, I realized that we weren't safe. We had not been staying in that house for long so I had not really thought about the safety myself but taken it for granted because we knew the people that had lived there.  In our previous house, I knew that we were as safe as we could be. Obviously, we could never be completely safe but a lot of things had been put in place. As I sat there, I realized that there was nothing to prevent anyone from coming in before we went to bed and the land around the house was very easy to break into. 

About two hours later, the men came into our house.  I think because God was preparing me, I wasn't overcome with shock. I felt the Lord's hand on my back and felt peace.  The first man said he was going to kill me, and I thought okay, how do I prevent this? My mission became to keep the situation calm, give them what they want, and help us to make it out of that situation alive.  

There is no explanation other than God for why we are still alive. We saw their faces. They were professionals. 

After they left, my body started trembling all over and continued for a long time.  These past few days, I have cried a lot and fallen apart. But, I know, that God was at work while they were there and in preparing me for what was going to take place. So, I am even more in awe of God's goodness and sovereignty.  He is not the author of evil but He knew what was going to happen. He prepared me and was ever present with us during the whole incident and protected us. 

The Details

Sometimes I close my eyes and I see the men walking in again. I can picture everything so clearly. Sometimes I feel like I am dreaming.  God has been so good and gracious during this time. I have felt his presence and his peace. The amount of prayers, love, and words of encouragement have been my legs to keep on going when I could not do it myself. I am so thankful. 

In order to shed more light on what occurred, I thought I would share the details. I will try to summarize but sometimes I forget things and some of the small things seemed so big to me. First off, we had moved from our former home and were staying in the home of other missionaries while they were home in Australia for a few months. The view and area is absolutely beautiful but a little isolated. 

This is my version of what happened. They divided us in the beginning. 

As I was sitting and reading a book around 8:30 Friday night, I saw a group of men enter  the house from the corner of my eye. At first, I was confused. I could not figure out why people would be entering our home.  We had just settled down after an incident with one of the dog's who had got his paw caught.  It was a beautiful, calm night and I had just finished a good book and was looking forward to starting another.  Before I fully comprehended what was going on, Julia screamed. Nothing made sense to me. Then, one of the men came over to me and said, "I am going to kill you." Stunned, I just stared back at him. He became fiercer and more adamant that he was going to kill me. After seeing the look in his eyes, I believed him. 

From that moment on, my purpose became calming the situation and doing whatever I could to keep them satisfied.  My computer was next to me, so I offered it to him and said he did not need to kill us. We would give them whatever he wanted, not to worry. He demanded money.  "No problem," I replied, "it is in my room, we can go together." He led me in there and I got out my money for him. He was angry that I did not have more American dollars, most of what I had was Shillings.  He pulled me out into the hall where another man held Julia. He was being quite rough with her, holding a gun up to her and pulling her hair.  The man that was holding Julia became angry as well because there was not a lot of American dollars. I think they were expecting to get a lot of cash, but we just did not have any.  The first man that was with me, looked at me and threatened me again if I did not produce dollars. I said, "really, we do not have any more. That was all that we had. We have already given you everything."  I explained that this was not our house, but that we were simply staying here while the couple was away in Australia.  They asked where the husband was, so it seemed like they knew that a man lived there. When the man that held Julia saw my watch, he grabbed it and was yanking it off my wrist. I offered to help and give it to him.  As they were holding us against the wall, the other men were in the other rooms searching through things, throwing them on the floor.  

After a minute, they brought us into the master bedroom and became more insistent about the dollars.  One of the men, came close to me and pointed the gun at me threatening to kill me. I said again, "that we had already given them everything." He seemed satisfied that I was telling the truth.  They took more items from that bedroom and then eventually locked is in.  We could hear them going through the rest of the house looking for more of our valuables.  Later, we saw the evidence of the search from the items thrown everywhere. 

We sat there for a while straining to hear if they had gone or not.  Because the dogs were barking loudly, it was difficult to know for sure. We sat and waited, minds and emotions reeling.  After a while, I ventured out the back door of the room that went out to the porch in order to get back in another door to unlock the bedroom door for Julia. 

Once we looked around, we could not believe what had just happened.  My whole body was trembling and I think I was just in shock. Now, we had to figure out what to do. We had no way to communicate with anyone.  Julia's phone was stolen and providentially, I had left mine at the office.  Our computers were stolen.  We pondered the thought of just leaving with our car but were still a little fearful of people waiting for us. Plus, to leave would mean unlocking all the gates in the dark, which makes us nervous on a normal nigh. The workers for the house live next door, right outside the gate. So, we decided that we needed to get to them to get help.  We knew we did not want to stay in the house that night.  We wanted out. We realized how unsafe we really were, how little security was in place.  However, to get to the workers meant going outside in the dark, not a very exciting prospect considering what had just happened. But, we knew we had to do it. So, I got a flashlight and made the first step outside. I was so scared, constantly looking around for any sign of them again.  I kept on telling myself that they would have fled by now, not have waited around. Even though my arguments were reasonable, I still didn't quite believe them and was trembling. I made it the fence and called out several times hoping that one of the workers would here. After it became a apparent that they were not going to hear me, I moved towards the gate.  I just stared at the gate and the key in my hands trying to decide if I really wanted to step outside. We were no safer inside the house, so I opened the gate and ran.  When I arrived at  their home, I explained what happened. Basic words in swahili seemed to escape me. Somehow, the message came across and they came over to help us. 

All we really wanted was to leave, get in our car and go away. Every Tuesday, we had been staying the night at the house of a couple from our church that led our home group. They have been missionaries for twenty years and we knew would take care of us. First, the workers recommended that we go to the police to file a report. We did. They came and were very kind and helpful.  But, were still anxious to go. After about an hour, we were finally able to go to the office to get my phone so that we could call.  Gary came and got us and brought us home. 

There is so much to be thankful for and we are amazed at God's protection. No one can believe that they did not wear masks, they allowed us to see their faces, and we were not killed. That is not how it works. God was there.  We have cried a lot these past few days but God is comforting us and getting us through this. I have been amazed at all of the love I have received.  I am going to be okay, it is just going to take some time. 

God's protection

One thing that I have learned is that I have no idea how much God is always doing on my behalf. God is always at work. 

Yesterday morning I led the devotions with the staff at Imara. I shared a story that I read recently that had really impacted me. Even as I shared it with the others, I struggled to hold back the tears because of the amazement of God's goodness and care. The story is a wonderful illustration of God's sovereignty and providence and faithfulness and so much more. It is out of a book called "On Being a Missionary" by Thomas Hale. 

I thought I would share a brief summary of that story. It is about a man that was a medical missionary in a rural area of Nepal. He would have to travel two days each way by bicycle to get to the town where he could get the needed medicine for his village. Since there were not any villages on the way, he would just sleep outside by a tree. On one trip going to get the medicine, he met a young man along the way.  He began to build a relationship with that man and after leaving was looking forward to seeing him again. After several months, he came upon that man again and talked with him.  The young man shared that he and several of his friends had planned to kill him and rob him on the way back from the trip when they first met. They knew his route and where he stayed. 

So, he and his friends went to the spot where he was sleeping and were hiding in the bushes planning their attack. As they looked at the man, they saw 26 men with weapons standing around guarding him.  They were shocked. Each of them counted individually and confirmed that there was 26, so they left. When the young man told the missionary the story, he could not believe it. He said that there were not any men guarding me. But the young man was emphatic that they all saw them.  

While the missionary was back in the states visiting, he shared the story with his home church. One man stood up and asked about the approximate date and time of that occurrence. After hearing the details, the man said that day he was on his way to work and felt like the Lord was leading him to pray for the missionary. He returned home and called several others to pray as well. He asked all the men that prayed that day to stand up. And, sure enough it was 26 men.  

That missionary had no idea what God was doing. He did not ask for that prayer, he did not pray it himself, but God knew. God was at work. 

When I shared that story yesterday morning, I had no idea how real it would become for me only a short time later. As some as you may know, five men broke into our house with a gun and machete and threatened to kill us and stole a lot of our stuff, some things that are irreplaceable. But, when I looked into the eyes of the man that threatened to kill me, I knew that he was willing to do it. It was not an idle threat meant to scare us. They had a mission and if we got in the way, then they were willing to do what was necessary. Often, people get injured or killed during a break in. God protected us. We are not hurt. I know that God was at work in ways that I will never know. More than ever, I am overwhelmed with the number of people that pray for me and are standing with me in this. Thank you so much. 

I will share more of the details later, but I wanted to let you all know that we are safe and staying in the home of friends and feeling the protection and love of God. 

Look at me, Daddy

My poor dad heard that phrase probably more times than most. I can remember being at the pool with my dad and wanting to show him all my new ways of jumping off the side of the pool. I seriously doubt there was as much creativity as I thought there was. I would walk up to the side of the pool, and scream look at me daddy, look at me and then whoosh off I went trying to jump as I high as I possibly could hopefully with a little bit of a twist mid air before I splashed into the water. As soon as I hit the water, I scrambled to the top with a giant grin on my face to see if my dad was watching. When he smiled back at me, I thought I could fly to the moon I was so excited. My whole body was tingling because my dad had seen me and given me his approval. I wanted that rush again, so I quickly swam to the side of the pool and started the process all over again. After 20 or so times, I think my dad's enthusiasm might have started to wane slightly. =) I can't imagine why. I am not sure what it is about children that want so much to have the affirmation and encouragement of others but it definitely transcends cultures, countries, and language.

Last week, I traveled to one of the villages to meet with the teachers and the pastor. I love the teachers. They are wonderful, amazing people that sacrifice so much and work so hard for the children. However, they do not come close to being as cute as those kids. So, I tend to take breaks during meetings to go play with the kids. Who wouldn't? Right?

While I was greeting the 1st grade class, I walked around and looked at their work. I asked how old they were, 5th grade, 6th grade, and they all just giggled. Who is the strange white woman who keeps coming back to our school! I asked about what they were learning and talked for a little while. Then, I walked over to one of the children and looked at his work and commented on how well he did. Actually, I might have just simply smiled and sayed that it was good. The student got that look, that all over tingle from the happiness of approval look. All of the students brought me their exercise books for their chance to have me look at their book and smile and say good job. They would all just look up at me mesmerized with these huge, ginormous smiles on their face like I had just given them a million dollars. They just wanted a little love and approval. Isn't neat to see how we are made by the same God and have the same desire for love ?

Yes, no, maybe so......

For a little over a month now, I have been almost paralyzed when making decisions. For some reason, the simplest of things have become overwhelming for me to choose. When I was in language school at the beginning of October, I first noticed the problem. Zanzibar is supposed to be one of the most beautiful places in all Africa and a common vacation spot here in Tanzania. After a year and a half, I was finally planning on going the weekend after I finished language school. But, there was no peace. I couldn't figure out why there wouldn't be peace about going to a beautiful place to rest and have fun on the beach and in the ocean. So, I didn't go. A day or two after that decision, I was faced with simply deciding if I would leave language school on Friday night or Saturday morning. I walked back and forth to the transport office completely unable to decide. It seemed completely ridiculous to not be able to make such a simple decision. What was the big deal? I would make the decision and then start walking to the reception area to tell them my plans and then stop almost frozen completely unsure if I was making the right decision.

I was not sure what was happening, because this is definitely not like me. Usually, I am a very quick decision maker and a risk taker with no problems. Over this past month, I have struggled with other issues like this. A friend asked me if I wanted to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro with her over Christmas. It seemed like it would be perfect timing and something that I have wanted to do. Once again, I went back and forth and just never felt peace. Needless to say, when people ask me how long I will be staying here I have no way of answering. That answer is definitely way out there in no man's land.

Even though this seems like a simple issue that I should be able to just snap out of, it is not happening. I am not really sure why. As I pray and try to sort through it, a couple of things have come up. I think somewhere in my desire to adapt to the culture, I got a little lost. Plus, I have a very strong personality that can be difficult at times. I do not have the gentle, meek spirit that it talks about in the Bible. I have pretty much the opposite personality. I started thinking that I need to stop doing this because it is bothering that person, and hold back when I am in this situation, and be careful not to come across in the wrong way. I was constantly afraid that I was going to do something or say something to offend someone.

Yes, it is important to be culturally sensitive. Yes, it is important to allow God to mold us more into who He wants us to be. However, somewhere in the midst of all of that I started to think that my personality was a sin. I thought that there was something wrong with me. Why can't I be like other women who are kind, and gentle, and quiet, and supportive? Why do I always charge full steam ahead and think later? Sometimes being me is just plain exhausting! =) I was afraid to be me. I think that was the reason I was so paralyzed with decisions. I no longer trusted myself to make the right decision.

Now, I am trying to fight lies with truth. God created me just the way I am. God loves me just the way I am. My personality is not a sin it is a gift from God. Jesus was gentle in spirit and he overthrew tables, so it might look a little different than what I think. I am definitely still in process dealing with all of this but starting to feel hope and freedom. I have a long way to go, but I am so thankful that God is gracious and caring and is never going to give up on me. He will be there with me through it all.

My Special Talent

Don't you just love talented people? I am always amazed at people's skills and talents. Isn't unbelievable to sit and listen to someone play the piano in ways that just move you, or sing so beautifully that you cry? Talent looks so different. One of my friends special skills is teaching in a way that captures students' interests and makes them see that they are capable of more than they realized. Everyone seems to have a talent of their own. My special talent seems to be putting my foot in my mouth. I am amazing at it. Everyone can see that is about to happen, even me, but yet I seem powerless to stop it. I try to think before I speak but I think the connector between my brain and jaw short circuited years ago! You would think that my foot is made of chocolate with amount of times that I have had to eat it.

One of the favorite things that I have done in the past is to explain something to someone who turns out to be an expert. You know when you might have read an article in a magazine about something and now think you know a lot and then explain it to someone else. That person is usually very gracious and listens attentively. However, later you friend pulls you aside and tells you that the person you were just talking to was the creator, or the foremost expert, or something else ridiculous like that. My life is so full of the ridiculous. And, unfortunately, I never learn!

But, it gets worse. I do the same thing with God. I try to tell Him how to do things, how I think things should be done, what I think is best. I question Him, get angry at Him. And, as embarassing as it is to say, I even throw little tantrums trying to get my way with God. Imagine a 2 year old who wants to play with a toy that is his brother's. He rolls over on his stomach and bangs his fist crying and screaming NO! You have just witnessed my reaction to God most of the time. I don't know why I don't just trust Him. Why do I want things my own way? Why do I think I know more than God? Where does this arrogance come from?

And, God does not give me the whooping that my backside deserves. He picks me up and holds me and waits for me to finish my tantrum and then gently comforts me. Every time, He is right. Every time, He is good. Every time, He is loving and gracious.

I am not sure that I will ever change. Hopefully, with age and maturity, the amount of times I stick my foot in my mouth will decrease. The amazing part is that God knows it all. He knows how much of a mess I really am and still loves me!

Never a Dull Moment

Are you bored with life? Are you tired of the same old dull routine? Ready for a change? Ready to do things that you never thought you would or actually could and in some cases would even want to? Exhausted with watching the stock exchange go up and down and up and down. Move to Africa, or at least swing by for a bit. I can promise that life will never be the same again.

Life here is never boring. Today was full of little suprises that kept me on my toes. I'll share just two. As we were driving along in one of the villages, the car began to overheat. We were in the pastor's car that unfortunately does not have a hand break and needed to stop on a slight incline. The head teacher was a bit afraid of the steam and pressure under the hood, so the pastor needed to get out and help. Suddenly, the car began to roll backwards. I had to leap over the seat and sprawl out to reach the break with my hands and hold it there until someone came to help. However, both the head teacher and I were laughing so hard it is a wonder that we did not crash into a house.

Upon returning to the office, I found that the mechanic had fixed the problem in our car, basically a smell that was just plain awful. Since we had chased the rats out of the house and killed several of their friends, they decided to attach our car. One of them had crawled up into our car and die just to spite us. Our dashboard had to be removed in order to get the poor little guy out.

But, alas, I am now home safe and sound enjoying the fact that my battery lasts a long time since the power just went out and thrilled to feel clean after spending a LONG time scrubbing my feet.

Trust me, you do not want to miss out on life here! Sell your stocks, cash in your IRAs and come on over. :)

Chariots of Fire, Goats, and Maize

This past weekend, I had one of those sweet God moments that come out of nowhere, when you least expect it. Isn't amazing how you can be doing something seemingly insignificant and feel the pleasure of God. Another one of my favorite movies is "Chariots of Fire." Eric Liddle, an Olympic runner and missionary, does not run to earn God's love or to earn the respect of others. He runs simply because when he does, he feels God's pleasure. Those feelings are such a blessing, to have times where we feel the tender love of our God.

So, this past weekend, there I was traveling in my "chariot," a very old Toyota Hilux that might have had shocks at one point, but those are long gone. We were traveling to visit the homes of some of the widows from the ministry. I was sitting on a giant bag of maize, holding on, desperately hoping that the goats would not pee on me or do even worse. =) I made it unscathed but unfortunately my friend did not. While traveling to their homes through an area with lots of open fields and farms with Mt. Kilimanjaro ahead of me and Mt. Meru behind me, a nice breeze blew and the sun warmed us. Perfect weather. The head teacher and I sat in the back together talking and sharing about the ministry and life. Lots of children ran out to get a chance to see the strange mzungu riding on the back of the truck through bushes way off the "main" road. That was my moment. It had been such a good day of spending time with children, teachers, the team, and others. And, here I was in the middle of nowhere with the opportunity to spend more time with these unbelievable women in their homes. Riding on the back of the truck, I felt the pleasure of God. It was good. I will never compete in the Olympics, never be a hero, never win a medal, but God has still given me so many moments and opportunities to simply be and enjoy His pleasure. Isn't that great....

You mess with me, you mess with my WHOLE family

Doesn't it feel good when you know you have people in your corner? People that will be there for you when times are tough, and when you need people to back you up, to fight for you. Isn't there something so comforting when people have your back and know that they will defend you and help you?

Today was kind of a crazy day. One of those days where you just can't believe things are happening the way they are. You start your day with one plan and that is not quite the way things work out. We are in the process of moving out of our old home and into someone else's place while they are back in Australia. Needless to say, it has been a long process. When my roommate went back to the house to get something today, she was forbidden from entering. Even though some of our most valuable items were still in the house, we were not allowed to take them. After calling our landlord, she discovered that indeed tell the guard to not allow us in for various reasons. I think in retrospect some of them were cultural misunderstandings some were just insane.

Considering some of the issues, we decided to not go back alone but ask someone from our office to go. After he heard our situation, he was more than willing to help us. One person quickly grew to four. Our first friend had told others and they were all upset that were being treated poorly. We actually only took four because that was all the room there was in the car. Others wanted to come as well. As we were driving, they were all joking about who was the strongest and who would take who. When we arrived, we went to go and talk to our landlord with all of them standing behind me ready to jump in at a moments notice.

Once we were finally allowed into the house, the landlord began to explain some things. All of them came to our defense and were explaining things. They were not going to allow us to be treated poorly. Even though I felt hurt because of the situation, I felt encouraged because of my "brothers". I don't think I really expected to ever find that here, or that people really felt that way about us. I was so grateful.

Now that all that happened, it made me realize how much God has blessed me with people like that in my life. Over the past year and half while here, there have been countless people that have gone to bat for me, that have fought for me when I couldn't fight for myself; people that are in my corner. People have constantly prayed, encouraged, worked on my behalf, and done so much more.

Even though the day did not turn out at all like I expected, it has been a day where I have been overwhelmed by seeing the hand of God in my life at all times. It has been a day where I have been able to see so much of what God is doing. I am so thankful for all the people that God has put in my life. I have done nothing to deserve any of it. Isn't God good!

Overwhelmed

To say that I am overwhelmed seems like a gross understatement. I am not sure where to start and I feel all over the place. I am in language school right now for a two week course. I have learned so much and feel like I am making a lot of progress which is a huge blessing. Even though I feel like I had already learned a lot, I felt like I was stuck and could not get to the next level of communication. The course here has been wonderful. On top of the language learning, I am surrounded by people that are also involved in community development. I feel like I have arrived to the promise land. In addition, the college is a college for development and there is a plethora of resources. I feel like I just want to stay and read and learn and discuss and process through all the issues that we are dealing with. But, the more I learn, the more I feel like we are far away from where we want to be and the more I realize how much work it will take to get there.

At times, I feel afraid that it is impossible, too much has already happened.I feel completely incapable. I have never been more sure that I am not able to do the work in front me. I forget that God is sovereign. I forget that even though all of this is new to me, it is not new to God. He knows the best way to create sustainable development. He knows the best way to empower the poor and encourage them. He knows the way to help a community be transformed. I forget that many people have been praying before they began the work we are involved with. They sought God's wisdom and guidance. And, even though it might not look like the best way in the eyes of the world, God is working. He is accomplishing His perfect will. Also, it might just not be about me and what I can do, but about God. The fact that I cannot do it ensures that it is clear that it is God doing the work and not me. It is Him that deserves the glory. Although I like to pretend that I don't need God, it might be that He is trying to teach me to depend on Him. I try to do things on my own, in my own strength. I am not sure how to depend on God when making decisions. What does it look like to love God with all your soul, mind, and strength when trying to figure out village government and the best way forward? How do I rest in God when the amount of work seems neverending? How do I enjoy Him when the need of others seems overwhelming?

A priest, rabbi, and a missionary walk into a bar

.... Okay, not really, but I do have a funny joke that I thought I would share. Please keep in mind that this is not an original. But, I think very eloquently captures the essence of daily life here in Tanzania.

Before we begin, some information to help understand. Daladalas are minibuses that dominate the roads here in Tanzana. Even though they have small seats for about twelve people, itis quite common to see at least 20, if not a whole lot more crammed into the tiny space that the daladala provides. When getting on, you just kind of push your way through. Seeing people hanging outside because it is so full is even common. Daladala drivers race to get to the next stop to get the anxious passengers. Once, when I was about to get on a daladala, the conductor fought with another conductor because he thought that he had stolen me for his daladala. Even when you do not have the pleasure of enjoying a ride in the daladala, you get to interact with them as they weave in and out of traffic. They are on a mission to get to the next stop and nothing will get in their way. They cut you off, knock mirrors of the side of your car, cut each other off, and just in general do whatever they want.

Okay, hopefully that is clear and will help make the joke as funny as possible. Ready! Don't forget, fake laughter and polite chuckles work on me.

One day a priest dies and goes up to heaven. He is forced to wait at the pearly gates while St. Peter reviews his record. Since it is taking quite a long time, the priest feels impatient and slightly indignant. He was a priest. He gave his life for God and sacrficed a lot. It just does not make sense. The priest mentions all of this to St. Peter who simply shrugs his shoulder and asks for a little more time.

As the priest is waiting, a daladala driver arrives. Much to his dismay and shock, the daladala driver is able to enter right away without any problems. After the priest picks his jaw up off the ground, he goes up to St. Peter. At first, he is only to point and stammer because of the shock. St. Peter looks at the priest with patience while he pulls himself together. The priest is confused. He says, "I am a priest. He is a daladala driver. Do you know daladala drivers? Do you know all the crazy things they do and the insane ways they driver?" Peter looks at his record and seems to have found the explanation for what has gone on. He replies, "Well, here is the situation. It has to do with your work. Whenever you did your work, the people slept. Whenever he did his work, the people prayed."

Get it! Ha ha! knee slapper! =)

With a sense of humor like mine, I will completely understand if you decided to never read my blog again and go on to find one with real humor at least substance. =)

I did it

So, I did it. I made the first step. Isn't amazing how little things can make a huge difference? The first thing I did was go to a local bookstore to find children's story books in Swahili. What I didn't realize is how hard of a task that would be, most of the books are in English. (If even of you out there like to write children's books, there is a great market for you here in Tanzania!) I managed to find a couple. The next stop is a local ministry called Mkombozi or Redeemer. For several years, this ministry has worked with street children. I decided to stop by and find out about their ministry, what they do, and get recommendations for how best to respond. In just a short amount of time, I learned so much and got some practical tips. Plus, I was able to tell them about two little boys that I know that are living on the streets that they will follow up with. Because they seemed to know a lot about the Arusha situation, I asked if they knew of anyone that works with adults that are on the streets. Even though they did not know of anyone right away, they said they would look into it and get back to me.

From all of that, one of the biggest changes is how I feel. I feel less intimidated and useless. I am more ready to engage the people that I see. I so often feel like I am in the middle of something and I have some place to go when I see people on the street begging, so I do not stop to engage them in conversation and get to know them. Selfish! Now, instead of avoiding places I want to go to them to start building relationships. I am not sure what I can do, but I know I can love them.

To finish the day yesterday, I decided to go out of my gate and interact with some of the children. Typically, when we pull in, there are several children hanging around that beg for money, candy, or a gift. Since I don't want to encourage begging, I typically ignore them and go inside my big gate. Today, I came out of my big gate. Once I got outside my gate, I looked around but did not see any children. So, I just went to the pile of concrete blocks to sit and wait. Less than a minute later a group of girls came running because they saw the mzungu. Sure enough, the first words out of their mouths were give us candy, give us money. I said that I brought a book. They stared at me strangely but then shrugged their shoulders and said okay, we will take the book. I smiled and said, I did not come to give them the book but to read with them. They seemed a bit shocked. I am not sure, but the look on their face seemed to say, you are one crazy white lady. So, we sat down and started to read. I fumbled through the swahili which got lots of laughs. Eventually, the older two girls sat next to me and helped me read. Throughout the story, we laughed at the silliness of the story.

After we finished reading the story, we sat and visited some more. Honestly, some times I feel akward. I don't know what to say or what to do which I think is why sometimes I avoid situations. A couple of little boys came up and joined us and wanted to know what we were doing. At first, they both were very shy but eventually relaxed. Since we were in a concrete yard, naturally a contest to see who could the rocks the furtherst quickly ensued. The children were doubled over with laughter when they would see me stretch, warm up, wind up, and look fierce and then throw the rock two feet or drop behind me. Absolutely hilarious. We just had fun together hanging out.

Now, I am looking forward to going home in the hopes of seeing the kids again and playing!

A way forward

Seeing the depth of your sin, is never easy but it is good because then things can be dealt with. Of course, ultimately, Christ is my savior and even if I am still a complete and total mess until the end of my days, I am going to heaven and He can finish the job up there. =) Let's be honest, the chances are pretty good that I will still be a mess. However, I need to learn to deal with some things better and find a way forward.

The past couple of weeks I have felt incredibly tired all the time and very emotional. I have not felt like myself. I checked on the internet and I don't think that there is an amoeba or parasite that causes people to be more emotional, oh well. While I was at the home of a long term missionary couple, I shared how I was feeling. The immediate response by the wife was it sounds like culture shock. Never in a million years would I have thought that it had anything to do with culture shock. I have lived for over a year now. I have dealt with the strange and different things. I should be fine. Apparently, not so much. We talked through a lot of things and it was really good.

Because I have a tendency to put things in a box and have a plan for things, I felt like I could not deal with the poverty around me. I have my ministry and it is out in the villages. Somewhere I got it in my head, that ministry means having a plan, working with others, having meetings, etc. etc. Once again, I was wrong. (I am starting to get used to that) Ministry is just loving the people that God has put in your life, no matter who they are. Ministry is loving the people around me, my neighbors, the street kids, the kids that come up to me every day as I come home begging for money.

Now I just have to figure out how to do this; how to change how I live my life. I don't want to add extra work, but I have realized not doing anything about the people around me is hurting me emotionally and spiritually. I am often afraid of rejection and this can prevent me from even starting something and then I just make up excuses that sound wise but are full of bologna. I have lots of ideas running around in my head like tutoring some of the children, reading stories to them, inviting them over and just playing with them. When I come home, I don't leave again. I don't go and visit my neighbors. I make myself seperate. I want to start visiting people more to build better relationships. There is a ministry that works with street kids, I want to go and visit them and ask for help in knowing the best way to respond to the kids that I see. I would like to have a discipleship group of young TZ girls. I am not sure how to do any of this or how to make any of this happen, but I know that if this is developed more that I will be better, my work will be better.

When I arrived, I got this one track mind and have been afraid to deviate. Now, I do have a tendency to do too much, so I do want to pray first rather than running full steam ahead first. Would you pray with me? Would you pray that God would guide me in all of this and provide opportunities? Let's see what God does....

Being a Hypocrite

I came to Tanzania to help the poor. I came wanting to serve the least and the lost, the poorest of the poor. All of that seems rather good and noble, until I realized my true character. I only want to help others when it is convenient for me. I do not want to help others when I am tired or hungry, even though I probably cannot imagine what it really means to be tired and hungry. I have never gone a day without a meal, I have never slept outside, on the ground because I had no place else to go. I get tired and irritable and do not want to be bothered with the needs of others when I have other things that I want to do. I will only help people when it is part of my schedule. I need to be efficient and have a well organized plan, not just waste my day by helping every person I see.

Everywhere I turn I see need. It is exhausting and at times I find myself wanting to escape, to retreat, to block it all out. There are days, where I feel like I just can't handle it. I think it is easier to have it be a scheduled activity because then I keep it compartmentalized and I don't have to get my hands dirty. Things get too messy. I like to stay in my nice, safe little house rather than be the hands and feet.

It is hard to see yourself as a hypocrite. I thank God for His grace in my life and that He is in the business of redeeming people.

The little things

We know that we have a Big God who created the universe and is all powerful. He cares about our lives. He does great and mighty things, but isn't it neat when we see Him provide in small, seemingly insignificant ways. Things that we would assume that God would not care about. Let's be honest there are a lot of important things that God needs to tend to, so a lot of times I assume that I am on my own for the little things, that I will just have to make do.

Living in Tanzania during the 21st century is nothing like the olden days. Granted the internet is slow, but at least we have internet. Our power is bipolar, but at least we have power. We might not always have a hot shower, but at least we do not have to go and get the water and carry it ourselves. Some things are difficult to get here but for the most part we are fine. Many things here are just two or three times the price of home but they are available. So, really, when you think of what people used to go through, it is no big deal.

Even though certain things are no big deal, I love it when God cares. Friday morning, I realized that I was out of Qtips. Unfortunately, I did not realize this before the most recent team came to ask them to bring some. (The fact that we have teams come over is a huge blessing!) Friday at lunch, I went out to lunch with the team and they had put together a gift bag for me. Guess what was inside....Qtips! Isn't that amazing. I didn't know, but God knew. He knows all the big things going on in my life but all the litte things as well.

From legalism to grace

Do you know what it is like to be trapped by legalism? To be trapped in a world where you think that you have to do the right thing or say the right thing to be a Christian? Have you ever felt fear that if people knew the real you, your thoughts, your emotions, that they would never think you were a Christian? That people would judge you and condemn you? Have you ever felt like there was no one to go to with the things you are struggling with because they would accuse you and ask how could you really be a Christian? Those feelings must be suffocating, almost like being imprisoned. You have to hide who you really are from the rest of the world in order to be accepted.

Isn't it amazing that our relationship with Christ is not based on what we do? We did nothing to earn God's love and we cannot do anything to make Him stop loving us. Have you ever been with someone who you know is trapped in that world and then finds the way into a world of freedom and grace? Last week, I had the chance to see God open the eyes of a girl to the reality of His love, mercy, and grace.

Isn't it amazing that our relationship with Christ is not based on what we do? We did nothing to earn God's love and we cannot do anything to make Him stop loving us. So, being with someone who you know is trapped in that world of legalism is heartbreaking. However, if and when they find the way into a world of freedom and grace it is wonderful to see. Last week, I had the chance to see God open the eyes of a girl to the reality of His love, mercy, and grace.

As I think I have shared before, it is very difficult to find teachers, even more difficult to find teachers who are Christians, and then on top of that even more difficult to find teachers who are willing to live and work where our projects are. A couple of weeks ago I went up to one of our projects for a meeting with the teachers and to handle some of other issues. Considering the difficulties in finding teachers, you can imagine my suprise when I learn that a woman has shown up to the nursery school asking for a job.

When I first met her, there was a harshness to her personality that came across right away. She was cold and withdrawn and very severe with the children. Later, I learned that she had caned one of the children that morning. Unfortunately this is still quite commonplace in the public schools. Even though they have been taught to not use the stick, that is how they were raised and how they were treated in school. Hence, most revert back to it when they do not know what else to do. After talking to her, I learned that she is an orphan that has a relationship with the pastor and his wife that lead the project. Many of the children at the school in this village are orphans. Because of the relationship, I realize that I will need to interview her despite my desire to dismiss her. We had a long day and everyone was ready to leave and this was not part of the agenda. The interview would make everyone wait and we had a long drive home ahead of us.

Ultimately the decision to hire a teacher is not mine, I am only an advisor. I usually lead the process in an effort to help the pastor, head teacher, and others have a better understanding of the skills and character of the candidate. During the course of the interview, this teacher remained cold and distant and gave trite answers. Eventually, many of the people left the interview including the pastor. Often times this means that they no longer have an interest in that person. But, I continued. In order to understand how a teacher disciplines, we ask a series of "situational" questions. She gave quick answers but insisted that she would never cane. At this point, she did not know that I had already been told. We made sure that she understood what we were asking, and she was clear that she did not cane a child that day. Bottom line, she lied. At this point, I was ready to give up, call it a day, and say thank you for your time.

However, that is not what God had in store. I knew that God wanted there to be more with this girl. She was harsh and severe for a reason. Even though she claimed to be a Christian, there was something missing. So, I asked her if she knew that God loved her. She seemed a bit caught off guard by the question. We talked more about God's love and grace and both the head teacher and I shared times where we saw the goodness of God work in our lives. In addition, we shared that at the school the desire was to have an environment of mercy and grace where teachers felt free to make mistakes and ask for help. There is no shame in making a mistake or doing something wrong. We are there to help and support the teachers because everyone is in process and God is a God of love and acceptance. Watching her eyes and expression soften was amazing. You could see her begin to process it all and find peace and freedom. At the end we asked her if there was any answer she had given before that she would like to change. We knew that she did not know what kind of school we have and what are expectations were, but it is important to be transparent and honest so that we can move forward.

After a few moments, she replied that she did cane a child. You could see a little fear in her eyes when she admitted this. However, we assured her that it was okay. She did not know our rules on caning and even if she had it takes time to learn other ways of discipline and we are here to help and develop her as a teacher. Relief just flooded her face and the harshness was replaced with a huge smile and warmth. We spent time praying with her and offered her the job. Several others quickly commented on the transformation of the girl and asked what occured. I had a plan to interview a possible teacher. God had a plan to take a precious child that He loves and cares deeply about from a place of legalism to the wonderful world of grace. Isn't God good?

It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Super Christian

I have never really had aspirations of being a super Christian. Early on, I was painfully aware of my sinful, prideful self. So, needless to say super Christian status was not to be for me. However, I did hope that after becoming a missionary, certain things would just be easier. You know in the Bible where it talks about forgiveness. I like it when it means others have to forgive me when I have made mistakes or even worse hurt them. The other way around is a different story. Despite the reality of how much Christ has forgiven me, I still struggle with forgiveness. I want justice. I want wrongs to be righted. In no way, do I want to forgive someone without them asking for it. I want them to be sorry. I definitely do not want to forgive if they think they have done nothing wrong. Isn't great to see this Christ like attitude in a missionary!

As is the case in all of our lives, I have been hurt by others. Some times I just say it is no big deal and sweep it under the proverbial carpet. Which, as I am sure you will agree, does not actually work. No matter how far you sweep it under the carpet, you still see it again. I am not sure if the carpet shrinks with time or "my junk" just grows. Bottom line, minimizing things is not dealing with them and is not forgiveness because the next something happens every thing gets brought back up again.

While struggling with hurt and forgiveness, I realized my pride, my arrogance, self-righteousness, lack of humility and all sorts of other really fun sins that tend to rear their ugly head. The moment that I realized the ugliness of my own sin in all of this was very humbling. I am so thankful that despite all of my sin, God is still faithful. God is still good. He knew all of that and still loved me and waited and was tender and patient with me. More than ever, I am aware of how much I do not deserve God's grace and mercy.

After realizing all of that, God just seemed to be kneading my heart and preparing me to truly forgive. Now, those issues are done and gone, never to be brought up again. How amazing that the most freeing thing in the world is to forgive someone else.

The latest from You might be living in Africa if....

More details are to come from last week but I couldn't resist put some of the latest moments that can only happen in Africa. This past week has just been jammed pack with crazy moments, some of them where you don't know if you should laugh or cry, others where you laugh so hard you cry, and others where you just shake your head.
Friday evening, I told a friend about these and asked for some ideas. The next night, we went to the movies and three times during the most exciting moments the power went out. The third time we looked at each other and said you might be living in Africa if....

But, let me just get on with it. Don't forget fake laughter and polite chuckles work on me. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy to get comments that say, you are the funniest mzungu ever! =)

1. You might be living in Africa if your roommate can actually play a joke on you by saying rats have eaten our chocolate cake because you believe it could happen. The rats have eaten just about everything else.

2. You might be living in Africa if you cook four pieces of chicken but can only find three. Solving the great chicken mystery quickly becomes the focus of the day. The only evidence seems to be that the rats climbed up on the stove and stole a piece! (They have climbed up more difficult places and stolen more).

3. You might be living in Africa if the idea of a night's entertainment is watching two ants crawling up the wall carrying a bug much bigger than the two of them. All eyes are on the ants and lively commentating begins. "Look they are losing ground" "Nope, they are going to make it, they are not giving up." "They are going up a little and down a little" "Will they make it?" And finally, a lively round of applause as they succeed.

4. You might be living in Africa if you see an entire office desk on the back of a bicycle.

5. You might be living in Afica if you can put your entire house on a cart and push it through town. Africa's version of a Uhaul.

6. ... if you are willing to pay $14 for creammate.

7. ... if you are willing to pay $5 for a snickers but argue over the $.50 for a mango.

8. ... if you while you are eating a piece of red meat you are able to sit at the table for a short while, get up and go into the kitchen to get something, return to the table, listen to a 20 minute conversation and then finally swallow. Boy do I miss the steaks from home!

Don't forget about the polite chuckles and the fake laughter!

On the Road Again

So, I have a question for you. Are you more like Donkey or Shrek? I think I can go back and forth between the two. Sometimes, I can be a bit ogreish and want things done my way and to be left alone. Other times, I feel like donkey and just talk way too much. Even though I am not actually a cartoon character, there are times when I feel like I can relate to Donkey. You know the part when he realizes that the princess is actually an ogre and as he is walking out he starts twitching and is sure he is going to need years of therapy. Trust me, I have felt that twitch and I already needed therapy! =) Then of course, there are those social cues that donkey completely misses. Shrek is trying to tell him to leave him alone but Donkey just does not get it. As you can imagine, communication here is just a tad bit different which may be a slight understatement. Even if I am speaking the same language, all sorts of crazy miscommunication seems to happen. One of my favorite seens is when Shrek says that Donkey can stay. Shrek of course mean outside so that he can be alone in his humble abode and Donkey misses that completely. He gets all excited runs into Shreks house and talks about the wonderful time they will have together and then says, "In the morning, I am making waffles" with a big ol' grin on his face. Yep, that one might be a reality way too often for me here in Tanzania. I get all excited and then realize that I missed the entire conversation because in an indirect culture, what wasn't said is more important than what was. Oh well, still learning.

However, what lead me down the road of discovery with Shrek was actually the scene when Donkey sings "On the road again". I love that part, especially when he is forced to hum. As I think you know, I travel quite often to the villages. This week, I traveled to two villages and really feel like God did a lot in those visits. Sometimes I am very excited and am anticipating the time ahead, and then nothing. Other times, like this week, my expectations are low and a lot of great things happen, things that are completely unexpected. More details to come on some of those....

A little teary...

Do you ever have moments where your emotions just come out of nowhere? Where you feel blindsided? Granted, this might just be a girl thing. I think I might have seen my dad get a little teary eyed once when Penn State came from behind to beat Notre Dame in football or catching a much bigger fish than my uncle Joe, but I am pretty sure I have never seen him tear up while chopping potatoes. And, in the many years that I have known my brother, I don't think we have just been hanging out and he starts to sniffle. Of course, they could just be hiding it and putting on that tough exterior and really just crying on the inside. It is hard to tell with the men folk. But, once again, I digress, back to the point: me and my crazy emotions.

So, there I was just chopping away, and out of nowhere little drops of water just started to leak out of the bottom of my eyes. I had not even begun to chop the onions which are incredibly strong and then could have been easily blamed. Unless these are a different breed of potato, I think it will be hard to blame them. Julia and I were preparing dinner in our kitchen. It was Friday night and earlier in the week we had talked about wanting to do a nice southern meal. We made hamburgers, home fries, green beans, and yummy mango cobbler (no peaches). To help create the mood, we listened to some blue grass whilst we were chopping away. I am happy and looking forward to dinner when out of nowhere for no apparent reason, these emotions just whack upside the head. I began thinking: What is wrong with me? Where did these come from? What is going on? Then, I realized, I was just missing home. Fall is coming and the music and the food made me think of the fall in Georgia with the changing of the leaves and going for a walk outside and barbecuing with friends and family. And, football! Not soccer, real American football where there is blood and guts and glory! I love the Fall. It is my favorite time of the year. I was just sad to be missing it again.

I love being in Tanzania and feel completely clarity from the Lord that I am right where He wants me to be. I had thought that I had gotten through the homesick blues, but apparently they never quite go away....

Roller Coasters and God

I know you must be thinking that what do roller coasters and God have to do with one another. What crazy tangent am I going off on this time? But, before you stop reading or catch up on facebook or Fox news, hear me out. I think you might be suprised. I don't know about you, but I LOVE roller coasters. They are so much fun. I don't know what is about having the sickening feeling in your stomach as you slowly creep up the hill wandering why did you get on this roller coaster? Why do you put yourself through this torture, what were you thinking? Is there anyway to get off? Is it too late? What if I start crying, would they stop the roller coaster? Then you get to the top and off you go and all you can do is scream, you know that feeling of your stomach hovering over you or being in your throat. You make it to the bottom of the hill and you have lived only to be quickly whisked away to some crazy turn and then looped upside down and more insanity. Finally, the ride is over and you feel that rush. Complete adrenaline rushing through your body. Everybody is windblown saying, "OH MY GOSH, THAT was awesome!" You know that feeling of feeling completely alive, like every little hair on your body is tingling. You jump out of the car and race out so you can quickly get back in line to do it all over again! What is there not to love about roller coasters?! You were afraid but you safely make it through and it feels GREAT!

I have personally always wondered about adrenaline. Why did God create it? What is the purpose behind it? I have no hard data, but my personal opinion is that it might just be a taste of heaven. I think heaven is going to be amazing and that we are going to experience unbelieaveable and exciting things. We will not be twiddling our thumbs or drumming our fingers. . I think that the adventures will just be beginning when we make up to the Pearly Gates. One day as I was journaling, I even drew a roller coaster with "God" in it. "The roller coaster of heaven". I don't even think we will have to wait in long lines in heaven to get on the roller coasters. =)

This past week at church, one of my friends mentioned roller coasters and our lives with God and it got me thinking about all that has gone on in the past few weeks. Life has definitely not been boring. Through all that has happened, the spider bites, savings going away, and being robbed at knife point, God has been there. I have never not been safe, from an eternal perspective. Honestly, there were times when I felt afraid and out of control. I could not get off the roller coaster. I was strapped in and it was already on its way up the hill. However, now as I look back, I am more convinced than ever of God's goodness and love for me. He is amazing. I am not racing out of the car to get back in line to go through all of that again, but I think I wouldn't be afraid if it did. There is something about going through all of that that has made me feel more secure and peaceful than ever before. Incredible, really to realize that the God of the universe is on your side. So, I am just going to hang on tight and enjoy the ride. =)

Every tongue, tribe, and nation

In the midst of all that happened last week, in typical God fashion, God allowed me to be a part of a sweet, and fun type of worship. He always seems to meet me right where I am and remind me that He is still sovereign. Friday was the last day of our weeklong seminar with the teachers. Throughout all the fabulous teaching and useful tips given, one of the most amazing things was seeing a sense of unity and community developing amongst the teachers of all the Imara schools. So, Friday morning, worship was big giant party, literally. We broke it down, danced around, and all in all just got a great workout, Jesus style. However, my favorite part was the last song that we sang. Here in Tanzania, there are over 120 different tribes. Some are very different from each others, not so much; but, each definitely has its own unique personality and language. What does that have to do with worship, well let me tell you... WOW! I must admit that I am definitely not a Bible scholar. I must admit that there are times when I read the Bible and I feel at a complete loss and don't feel like I understood anything or got much out of it. However, there are times when I feel like my soul has been nourished from a rich time in the word. Friday, I felt like I saw the Bible come to life. In front of me, I saw a passage of scripture played out in front of me. As we were worshipping, the leader called all of the Massai up to dance and worship with their dance. He led them in a song about the people from that tribe knowing God and worshipping and celebrating their way. The Massai are the ones that jump up and down and move their shoulders in ways I didn't realize were possible. After them, he continued to all up all the tribes represented: Chagga, Meru, Pare, and many others. They even let the Wazungu tribe come up, which was just little ol me representing the white people of the world that can't dance. =) I was right in the midst of Revelation 7:9-10, "After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no-one could count, from every nation, tribe, people, and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: 'Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.'" Aren't you glad that heaven is not going to be sitting on clouds playing harps but a whole lot more fun?

Listen, drop everything, get on a plane and come to Tanzania because worship here is just to amazing to miss!

Planes, Phones, and Spiders

Have you ever had one of those weeks where life changes a bit? Where your view of life is altered and you realize that you will never look at life the same again? You know where those weeks where you are just going about your business and bam something happens that throws you of course a bit? I think I can get comfortable with life and put safety nets in place. I find safety nets much easier than actually depending on God alone. In my defense, I often fool even myself. I make it appear as though I am being wise and Godly and don't realize that I am putting my hope in things rather than God. So, this week God got a hold of me. As I look back at all that has happened and how different I feel compared to this time last week, I am in a bit of shock. However, it has been a full week so prepare yourself for a bit of a long entry. Maybe, go get a cup of tea, a bag of popcorn, or just some chocolate to help you get through the long entry that is about to begin.

This past week, we had a week long seminar for the teachers from all five of the Imara schools. WOW! God did so much, I will have to share more about that at another time but if I shared that at this time as well, this would quickly become a short novella. As is the case with most seminars, especially here, the first morning is a bit nuts as you run here and there getting all the last minute things together, making sure so and so knows about the thingabob and the other so and so has gotten the whatchamacallit. Needless to say, by lunch time I was bit tired. As we began the session after lunch, I felt like I could finally sit back and enjoy and learn. However, soon after started my foot felt a little strange. When I looked down, it had gotten a bit swollen. Since my ankle sprain several months ago, every once in a while my ankly swells up a bit so I didn't think much of it until I realized that it was the wrong foot. I just love it when I do stuff like that. I continued on but started feeling a bit weird. Quickly, the size of my foot increased significantly and feeling a bit weird grew to feeling dizzy with chestpains. I felt like waiting was no longer the wise choice and going to the doctor might be a good idea.

However, when I got to the doctor he barely acknowledged what I was going through and had me get some bloodwork done and then come back in three hours. I thought he was concerned and wanted to see if my condition was getting worse or better. I was wrong. He just had something else to do. After coming back three hours later and waiting an hour and a half, I learned that he had tested me for malaria, which of course I did not have, and then gave me cipro which is a medicine to kill bacteria when you have a stomach bug. Needless to say, I broke down. That moment was one that I felt the most fear. I felt like there was no one I could trust or depend on that knew what they were doing. Everything is malaria here. Despite the clear evidence of bites on my legs that were hard and hot and the huge size of my lower leg, I got tested for malaria. At that moment, I just sat and realized that I had nothing but God. I had absolutely no control. There was nothing that I could do. My mom called the medical insurace company I use and they asked what country Tanzania is in, so I felt like their knowledge of these things might be slightly limited. Honestly, I cannot think of a time when I felt more scared. Any safety net that doctors provide was completely gone.

Next up on the list, my finances. Because of several crazy situations, my savings account went from healthy to zero. I had been trying to be responsible with my money and make wise decisions. Having a savings account definitely provided a sense of security in case of emergencies and now that is gone completely. A bit scary but once again nothing I can do. The situation is completely out of my control and I have to depend on God.

The finale of this week was a bit of a shock to my system as well. After finishing the seminar on Friday, I headed down to Dar es Salaam for a meeting on Saturday. Before the meeting began, I decided to go for a run. Even though it was quite early, about 7am, lots of people were out. Since I am a bit of a slow runner, well let's be honest, I am more of a shuffler that looks like I am a bit haggard while I run, I prefer for the crowd to not be so big. So, I decided to head towards to beach. As I was on the rocky part making my way to the sand, a man approached me. He picked up large rock and said give me your phone or I will kill you. I was in shock. Was he actually serious? Was I really being robbed? I did not want to give up my phone. This past week there had been multiple issues with it that made me wonder if I should just purchase another one, but with my current financial situation, I felt like I could not do it. So, he was not going to get my phone without a fight. And, fight we did. He struggled to get my phone as I asked him why? I told him that God was here. God knows what he is doing. The struggle continued for a while and then he picked up a broken bottle. Even though I screamed a couple of times, everyone kept on with what they are doing and ignored the situation. Then another man came up. He pulled a knife. At this point, I decided to give up the struggle. However, I wanted my sim card. Having to change my phone number and find all my numbers seemed too much. After being a bit too difficult, they finally conceded but then also took my watch. It was a bit surreal to realize that one guy was holding me with a knife while the other guy took my phone and watch. As they walked away, I told them that God still loved them. They just stared at me like I was crazy. Now, I felt like even my life was not secure. You never know what is going to happen. God is always at work and clearly was protecting me.

On the plane ride home, the whole plane was praying because it was such a scary ride. We had some significant free fall, some large bumps, and did some sliding around. As all of this was happening, I couln't help but think that maybe this past week God was preparing me for what might happen. However, we landed safely.

As I sat in my living room on Sunday night, I was a bit overwhelmed by all that occured in one week and all that God had done. I felt like God used planes, phones, and spiders to rip away any safety net and show me that I really can depend on Him alone. I feel a bit exposed and little unsure but very aware of God's presence.

This morning, one of my favorite passages of scripture became a little more real.

Isaiah 43: 1-2

"Do not fear, I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overcome you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour."

Spiritual Giants

Have you read the biographies of Hudson Taylor, Jim Elliot, and many others? WOW! Aren't they inspiring? I am so encouraged by their faith and their dedication to prayer. So much of what you read includes their commitment to pray for their ministry and all the people that they come in contact with. I remember reading about Hudson Taylor and how he would wake up at 4am and read his Bible by candlelight under his mosquito net before anyone else got up.

As you can imagine, not the case with me. This morning when I realized that it was time to get up, I rolled over and reached for my Bible from my bookshelf thankful that I did not have to get out from underneath the covers and then simply placed it down right next to me on my bed, hoping that some of God's truth I could absorb through osmosis as I got fifteen more minutes of sleep. Eventually, I did wake up and read a little. =)

Last night, as I was sitting at home processing through my day and all the things that are going on. Do you know what I prayed for? For Hudson it might have been the health of a Chinese man he worked with, for Jim Elliot the unreached people group that he was desperately trying to reach with the gospel, for me.... a hot shower. By this point, you would think that I would have a greater perspective, but that was all I really wanted and that was what my prayer. In the morning, there was power but no water and when I returned home there was water but no power.

So, here is the bottom line. The others Spiritual Giants, me just a Spiritual microscopic organism. (Once a tech nerd, always a tech nerd) However, isn't it amazing to know exactly who you are and that God loves you fully knowing all of that. And, it doesn't even stop there, the creator of the Universe, our Redeemer and Saviour allows us the privelege to be a part of what He is doing in the lives of so many. Unbelievable!

Leaving on a Jet plane

All morning I have been singing, "Leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I will be back again." Well, let me be honest, singing and even dancing a little. You can't help but tap your feet and move your head back and forth again. I was always a bit disappointed that I never made it to the big time with my moves. During my early teen years, I practiced a lot in front of my mirror. But, I digress. The point is that I am leaving today to go back to Tanzania. Talk about emotional overload. I feel like a giant dumptruck has backed up and dumped a load on top of me and I am buried somewhere underneath and cannot get out.

At times during my short time back in the States, I have felt a little like Lucy from "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." She discovered the amazing world filled with adventure, excitement, and so many new and wonderful people and things to experience. When she got back, it was like she had never left. For the people back home, it had only been a few seconds. Even though things have changed here, it still feels like I never left. It was almost like I never went to Tanzania and it had only been a few seconds. I found it so easy to pick back up where I left off with my old life. It makes the other world not seem real. However, it was real. I am excited to go back but really sad to leave. My time at home has been amazing, refreshing, encouraging, fun, and just plain good. But, way too short. I have not seen all the people that I wanted to and the ones that I did, I did not see enough. I did lots of fun things but never made it to Stone Mountain or even went for a bike ride. I feel not ready to leave. I want to stay.

Someone recently asked me what I miss about America and what do I not miss. The list was quite long for the things that I miss from mint chocolate chip ice cream to turkey sandwiches and smooth roads and good conversations with friends. However, I could not think of anything that I don't miss. I actually really love America. I love having seasons, especially the fall and not just because of football. I love the relationships I have with people here and the familiarity of life long friends and family. Goodness, I am going to miss my three little nieces. Honestly, I would prefer to stay. I am not living in Tanzania because I do not like America or because it is better. I am not leaving everyone that I love to have a great vacation. Living there is not a 24/7 emotional or spiritual high. It is life, just like here with good days and bad days. The only reason I am going to Tanzania is because I know that is where God wants me to be and I know that He is good and trustworthy. So, as I go back and feel so much uncertainty about so many things, I am simply clinging to Him.

Just Like Home

As I am sure you can imagine, things stateside are just a little bit different than things back in Tanzania. Life is so different and sometimes I feel like I am on a different planet but yesterday something happened that made me feel like I was back home in my beloved Tanzania. My dad has graciously allowed me to work out at his gym. Yesterday morning, I was striding away on the elliptical machine, you will never guess what happen... That's right, the power went out! It made me feel like life was normal again. Everything being reliable and working all the time was starting to mess with my head. I couldn't help but laugh at everyone else's response to the "emergency" situation. Needless to say, I felt right at home.

Fitting in...

I am not sure if any of you were ever a cool kid. Even though this might be shock to many of you, I was not. But, boy, did I try hard to be one, to fit in. More than anything in the world I wanted to fit in, to belong, to feel like I was part of the group. As I look back, I am ashamed of a lot of the things that I did in my elusive attempt at fitting in. I compromised so much of who I was and became who I thought others wanted me to be. I lied, exaggerated, told ridiculous stories all so that the cool kids would think that I was interesting. Now, by the grace of God, I am much more comfortable with who I am and have finally come to the realization that I am not a cool kid and never will be. However, I have also learend that community is very important to me. I do desire to belong, to have a place and feel like I fit in. God designed us for community, so it does not make me a freak for desiring it; some of my other quirky habits take care of that. =) So, now there is a problem. I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere. Throughout this past year in Tanzania, I have often thought I am never going to fit in. I will always be an outsider. No matter how well I speak the language, how long I live there, how much I have adapted to the culture, I will always be a visitor. The color of my skin is the first thing that is noticed regardless of anything else. While I was thinking about things that I was looking forward upon my return, honestly, one of the them was just being able to blend in, not always being stared at. I wanted to be normal, to be ordinary, to be just another person on the bus. Here, the color of my skin doesn't mean anything which I love, but I still can't help feeling like I don't fit in, like I don't belong. I feel different now. So, the thing I am struggling with the most right now is that I don't feel like I fit in anywhere....

Books, wireless, and Frappacinos

Right now I am snuggled in a little cove at a Barnes and Noble after just finishing my very first Frappacino in a over a year. I have dreamed of this moment, a blended drink, that is cold that has ice in it that does not make my whole body tremble in fear. I know the water is safe what a liberating feeling! As I sit here catching up on emails, there is a group of kids outside the window. Of course I can see all of their underwear since their pants are hanging so low and the beloved spiked mohawk is apparently still in style. I thought it died in the 80s. Oh well some things just never go away. However, I can't help but feel that life is oddly normal. I am a bit suprised by how effortlessly I drifted back into this way of life. Back in Tanzania, I expected to be angry at all the people that just live their lives as if the most important thing in the world is their next cup of coffee. But I don't. I am not really sure why. I haven't really expected anything different from them. I think as I struggle through the differences in two very different worlds I have realized that God loves me just as much when I am doing nothing of value as He does when I am "serving Him". His love has nothing to do with what I do but with who I am. Being back home has been strange because no expects me to do anything, they just want to see me and visit with me and talk to me. They love me because of who I am not because of what I do. I had not realized how much pressure I had put on myself back in Tanzania. And, it really was me not anyone else putting that pressure. I lived in Tanzania surrounded by poverty and social injustice. The work never ended and I never let it end. How exhausting! So, now I am just working through resting in God and realizing that I can be a complete failure, a total nobody, and God will not love me any less.

Culture Shock

I cannot believe that it has been one week since I left. As I prepared for my return, I was not sure what would be the hardest part about returning. Would it be the accessibility of everything, the smooth roads, the cost of things, Target? It is hard to know what would be hard. For me, it has been the strangest things, the little things. When I first arrived in Atlanta and went through the security check, I was dumbfounded by all the ziploc bags just sitting out for people to use. Granted these were because of the new security issues but I live in a place where they are incredibly hard to find and sooo expensive. They are like gold. I looked at all of those ziploc bags and couldn't believe they could be lying out so carelessly. Next up, in my strange world: Target. What girl doesn't love Target. However, as I made my first trip back I was not sure what to expect. How would I handle seeing all the clothes, shoes, DVDs, etc? How would I handle all that stuff after being where I have been? Suprisingly, no real issues... not until I got home and I unpacked my bag. Bags are so hard to come by and we need them often, so I wasn't sure what to do. Should I pack it up in my suitcase to take home with me? Surely, I couldn't just discard it. At dinner one night, we finished a jar of salsa. As happy as I was to finally eat salsa, for me all I could think about was how valuable and useful that jar was. Earlier today I was driving through Atlanta and passed my beloved school, Georgia Tech. On the billboard they were advertising football tickets and I just started crying. I felt sad about missing another football season. Then, I just felt strange that I was crying about football of all things. Needless to say, I am taking things one day at a time and just trying to cling to God through all of it!

Upside down, Inside out, and Walking Backwards

That is a little like what I feel like right now as I sit in the Amsterdam airport on a computer that has internet that works at a speed that I forgot that the Western world lived in. I did not have to log in go get a book, take a nap, and come back! Which is a good thing since I am only paying for fifteen minutes. Can you imagine what it would be like if someone told us that we had been lied to or maybe just misinformed and now scientists have discovered that the sky is not blue it is in fact, red. This one simple thing changes everything. If the sky is blue, then what color is the sun, the stars, the grass, the ocean, everything? All of sudden our understanding and perception of everything would be altered, forever different. It would take a while for us to adjust to it and I think that some of us would fight it for a while before we would accept it but eventually we would adjust. However, in the beginning it would feel weird and we would no longer be sure of anything. If the sky is red, is the ocean red too if it was originally blue? We would know that the grass is not green but what color is it. We know that everything is different but we are not sure exactly what the new reality is. As bizarre and mystic as this all sounds, that is how I feel right now. I feel different, strange, not quite myself, and not quite sure of how to look at things, to feel, just about anything. So, if you happen to see a strange white woman wondering around looking a bit lost, it might be me.....

Dog people vs. Cat People

Yes, the century long battle continues between the sweet, loving, and loyal group of dog lovers vs. the snobby, too good for you, leave me alone group of cat people. I am sure it is impossible at this point to tell which group I belong to. I will let the suspense continue for a little while longer. =) Either way, we are all pet lovers. Do you know what it is about having a pet that makes us happy? Why do kids beg and plead to get one? For me, having a dog was so much fun. It was great to have my little guy to go for walks with and play with and snuggle with. But then, one morning I awoke to weird sounds only to discover that my dog was having a grand mal seizure that lasted about 5 minutes. I thought he was dying. I just cried and held him. Throughout the next year, my little Matty had many more seizures. Because he had grand mal cluster seizures, I had to take him to the vet emergency clinic often. The amount of money that I spent on my dog was definitely significant. Eventually, they became so frequent and severe that too much damage had been done and he needed to be put down. I loved my dog.

This morning when I got online, one of the news headlines was about wheelchairs for pets. As I looked at the cute little dog in his wheelchair, I just started to cry. It came out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting it. However, I wasn't crying because of the dog, I was crying because of the people that I see here. I was crying because of all the people I see crippled, many of whom do not even have wheelchairs and if they do they are nothing like what we have in the States. I am not sure what to do with the things that I see everyday. How do I help? How do I not help? How do I not hurt for these people that I see limping along who have to walk miles just to get water? How does my heart not break for people that have little to no value in their society and are cast offs? But, how do I live in a perpetual state of brokenness? In it is not every once in a while that I see these things, it is every day.

As Julia and I were driving yesterday, she told me the story of a woman that was just heartbreaking that she saw earlier. I think the man in the wheelchair along the side of the road whose legs were size of a tiny tree branch might have been what reminded her of that woman but I am not sure. I couldn't help but think that we have barely begun to scratch the surface of the despair and poverty in this country and really all over.

Honestly, sometimes it is too much for me. I just want to run away and hide and forget about all the things that I have seen. I just want to go home and go back to my old life and let these people just be people that I see occassionally on the news or that I hear stories about rather than real people that I know. But I know I can't...

Systems, processes, and other practical things

When people come to Africa to serve, I think the dream is often to help by feeding a starving child or giving medicine to someone suffering from AIDS or building a house for a widow. I know that is what I thought about. Some of my favorite times this past year have been when I was sitting on a rock in someone's mud hut that is too small for me to even stand and listening to their story and praying for them. However, as I have gone deeper into the ministry as a whole, I have realized that a lot more is needed. If people want to feed a starving child, food needs to be bought, a cook needs to be found, people to distribute food need to be hired. To give someone medicine means making sure the right health people are involved and that there is proper care. To build a house means getting a quote and bill of quantity for all the supplies and finding the right people to help. On an ever grander scale, building a school! WOW! The work that takes from the classrooms to the desks and chairs, from the septic tank to the retaining walls. We have learned that in the process of all of this we need better communication and involvement of the community and pastors. Throughout my time here, I felt frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, disheartened and whole other range of emotions because of mundane, practical things. So, last week when I finished my week I felt this enormous since of progress! I felt like we were making head way on developing systems and processes and had created a few simple forms. YEAH!

Sometimes it's the little things....

Perspective

Do you ever lose perspective? Do you ever get so focused on the things that are right in front of you that you forget to take a step back and look at the big picture? Do you ever get so caught up in all the things that you have to do that you forget all the things that have already been done? That sometimes you are not working with your head up, but with your head down.
I am hoping that I am not alone in this! I am so thankful that God so often steps into my life and helps me see what He sees. Yesterday, I felt like God took my head in His hands and lifted up to take a look around.

We went to the village of Karanse with a long agenda of things to discuss. These things varied from teams that are coming to communication, from painting of the school to a sewing class for widows. So many things to do and so little time. There is so much to do. After we finished meeting with the pastor and social worker, we needed to go and greet the teachers. At that time, school was just finishing and all the students were lined up for the end of the day assembly. As they worshipped God, singing with all of their heart as loud as they can, I just cried. It is so easy to lose perspective and get caught up in the little things. I so often forget what God has already done and what He is doing. These children are loved and cared for. They are receiving one of the best educations in all of Tanzania. They are poor village kids that live in mud huts yet they get to learn and have awe and wonder in the discovery of so many amazing things. On a daily basis, they are taught that God loves them and are shown that love through their teachers and other workers. They have hope. Their lives are forever changed. WOW! What a good God we serve!

More from You might be living in Africa if.....

You might be living in Africa if you are at a bridal shower and a monkey jumps out of the tree and steals your cake!

You might be living in Africa if driving sideways and slipping back and forth across the road doesn't scare you because it is perfectly normal.

You might be living in Africa if falling into ditch becomes a normal occurrence with bad roads.

You might be living in Africa if you are constantly waving to people as you are driving along in the car. I have achieved celebrity status simply because I am white.

You might be living in Africa if someone starts to crumple wrapping paper and everyone gasps. Wrapping paper can be ironed and reused!

You might be living in Africa if you open the window to your office and there is a snake. (This happened to someone who is in my old office and not to me. Thank GOD!)

You might be living in Africa if you go back to your room and there is a baby spitting cobra waiting for you. (Not at my house, while I was in one of the villages)

You might be living in Africa if those crazy stories that people seem to make up about everything going wrong are actually true. (No joke, I had to get a hold of someone. They sent me a text. I could not reply because my texting was not working. Then the network was down. Then, they had their phone turned off. And, finally,I ran out of credit).

You might be living in Africa if that weird itch on your skin really is a big crawling on you.

You might be living in Africa if knowing two languages is considered normal or even basic. Tribal languages make life more interesting. Each village requires a different greeting!

You might be living in Africa if no party you have ever been to compares to the praise and worship here!

That's all for now, but stay tuned for more. Life here is never boring!

Word for the day

In my quest for mastery of the swahili language, I often forget words that I learn. Some days I just can't make them stick in my head. In order for them to find a permanent place in my memory, I need to use them or there needs to be a context. Usually, there is a word of the day for me. This past Friday, I learned two new words! Kwama and matope which means stuck and mud. Any guesses as to how I learned those words? That's right, you guessed it. What an adventure! The rainy season definitely makes life interesting here.

We were heading up to the village of Likamba Friday morning. As we turned off the tarmac road, I quickly realized that it was going to be a slippery day. However, I am not sure why but the roads to Likamba have had a lot of erosion. Looking over the valley you see endless paths of ditches that are between 5 - 15 feet deep. The terrain is hilly and a bit trecherous. Since the previous week we had gotten stuck towards the end of the trip and had to walk, I was hoping that things would go a bit differently. As we were driving past a particularly deep ditch, I had a vision of our truck laying on the side stuck in the ditch. So, I turned around and asked Isack if he had already prayed for our journey. At that moment, the slipping into the ditch began.... Thankfully, our driver was able to put the car into park before we fell in. I, on the other hand, was not so lucky. After getting out of the car, I quickly checked out the consistency of the mud. I felt it was important to fully understand how wet the mud was. Before completely falling, I caught myself with my hands. It took a lot of leaves to get the mud off!

While we assessing the situation, several men walked by. From what I understand, they planned to just pass us by and assumed that no one spoke Masaai. However, both the driver and Miriam(our admin) are Masaai and quickly greeted them. The men reluctantly decided to help. The ground needed to be dug up to try to give the tires some traction. So, Miriam went to one of the huts nearby to get a pick and a hoe. After a lot of digging and a lot of mud later, the car was able to be lifted over onto the better patch. Once the tires were able to get some traction, the driver took off. Because we were not sure if it was safe, the driver took the car and we walked. In case any of you are thinking about walking in the mud, please wear shoes other than flip flops. They are not the easiest to walk in. I almost slipped SO many more times. Everyone had to help me and I felt like an idiot! There was nothing left to do but laugh and enjoy my time skating on the mud.

Eventually we felt like it was safe to get in the car again. However, not to long after we ended up in a ditch. The car was half in and half out on its side. Getting out of the car was a bit of an adventure. I am not sure how, but the truck was able to drive and eventually right itself. Once again, however we walked. I couldn't help but laugh that we would walk and the car would drive. I felt like what was the point in bringint the truck if we were just going to walk. This time, we just walked all the way to our final destination. Needless to say, we were a bit late. Since it is Africa, we actually arrived before anyone else. Sweet Miriam washed my feet, what a servant. I tried to protest but she insisted. It definitely gave me more of an idea of what it meant to wash someone's feet during the time of Christ. After all that traveling, people would want to have their feet clean because they would be DIRTY. To have someone that you respect washing your feet was very humbling.

Going back was not quite as adventurous, THANK GOD! We have learned that we need to travel with our own pick and hoe!