One woman's story

I thought I would share the story of woman that I have become friends with here in Tanzania. I first met her when she brought her child to the village of Mairowa because she heard there were doctors and desperately wanted help for her precious little boy. Within only a moment, you know why she is desperate. Her child's head is at least three sizes larger than a normal head; he has hydrosypholus, fluid on the brain. Her love for her child is so evident and so amazing in a culture when children like this are often dismissed, just thrown away. She has wonderful smile that just seems to light a room and affect all that are around her. Honestly, the first time I saw her child, I was taken aback. I could not take my eyes off the child. Then, I realized that except for his head, he was just like any other child. He liked to play and crawl around and laugh at the simple things. Raising a child like that in any culture is different but especially Masaai. She loved her child enough to go with him to the hospital, even though the car ride made her sick and she had to go to a hospital that has dead people that she is afraid to be around. When you visit her home, you realize she is a bit of an outcast. The people in her tribe live in a circle of huts together. One of them is for the husband, the rest for all of his wives. She is outside of the circle. Entering her home is difficult, esepcially for someone as tall as me. Despite her meager resources, she has created a home that is warm and full of love. I asked her about her life and if she was able to get any help. Her husband is too old to help, at least forty years her senior. She was sold by her father to be a wife for cows and is too far away from her family to get help from them. Then, her two eldest daughters were taken from her and sold by her husband and now live far away. I realized that her whole life is her children. When I asked how I could pray for her, she only thought of her child. I asked how she was doing and how she was feeling but she said she thought only of her son. While listening to her, I realized that she has never been allowed to have feelings of her own. She has never counted as a person, never had worth of her own, only the amount of cows she would bring to her father and then by producing daughters, cows she would bring to her husband. No one has ever cared for her, loved her, or showed interest in her feelings. What will happen when all of her children leave? What will she do? How will she feel? I have no idea....

Completely Gone!

Do you remember your first job interview, or really any job interview? Do you remember your hands getting all sweaty, your voice getting a little high pitched, and your mouth feeling like you just ate a bottle of glue? Do you remember everything that you ever learned was completely gone from your mind? Or maybe it's there but any ability to access it was gone all together?

We just finished a training seminar for the pastors and committee members from all of our projects. I knew all of these men. I have worked with them often. Even though they are all very kind, gracious, and humble, I was scared out of my wits to teach them! I am a whole lot younger, a woman, white, and not a pastor. Who am I to teach them anything! The project coordinators wanted me to try and teach as much as I could in Swahili. I could not even remember hello. All swahili went poof and I was left with nothing but a very dry, cotton mouth and a group of pastors staring at me expectantly. I thought is it too late to run, do I suddenly feel sick, should I say just read this material and let me know if you have any questions. Somewhere inside of me was a little bit of reason left, so I stayed and taught and eventually the Swahili came to me. I still needed a lot translated but things went better as time went on.

Actually, things finished really well. I was so amazed. We had great discussions and interaction. I even think that we will do this again! Go God!

Crisis in Kenya

As I am sure many of you have heard, there is a lot of unrest right now in Kenya. What is interesting to me is that when I lived in the States, all the situations that are going all over the world seemed so far away. They seemed like they did not really affect me. You hear on the news about all of the killing in the Sudan, Zimbabwe, Democratic Republic of Congo, and lots of other places. To hear about the massive amounts of killing would make me feel sad, but then I would just return to live as usual. But now, I live in Africa. All of these things are not so far away now distance wise but still in my mind they seem far away.

One of the men that I work with took his young brother up to Kenya for school and was trapped there without a way home. He said he saw people killing each other in the streets, cars being set a blaze, screaming, crying, and so much more. We have a friend from Canada that works in Kenya staying with us because her village is right in the heart of the violence. One of her co-workers walked out of her home and saw a body chopped into pieces. Can you imagine the horror of seeing that? Can you imagine seeing friends killing friends, attacking women and children? One group sought sanctuary in a church and it was a trap. Women and children were chopped to death with machetes and then burned.

Even though I now hear about this first or secondhand, it still seems so far away. I had planned to go to Nairobi next week and will not go now because of all of the violence. Other than that, my life has not really been affected. The world that most people know is that world that I grew up in. Security, stability, peace, and freedom is what I knew but not most of the world. I think that I thought that I could make more of a difference being over here, but I still feel just as far away.

Today and for the next two days, there will be rallies or protests in Kenya that the current government says are illegal so more violence is expected. Please pray for wisdom and humility for the leaders. Please pray that the violence would not escalate.

To be clear, I am far from all of the violence and completely safe. Thank you for all your prayers and concern.

Myriad of Emotions

The past two weeks I have been traveling quite a bit to our five villages as we prepare to open the schools. Seeing God answer our prayers has been so amazing. I am so thankful for all that He has done and all that He continues to do. During this time, there have been so many emotions as I experience life here.

First off was a moment that just made me laugh. I was with several of the teachers at the bookstore getting school supplies. After all the boxes were packed, we needed to take them to the car. One of the boxes was rather large and heavy and difficult to carry. Two men were struggling to carry it. One of our female teachers watched the struggle and even though she is smaller than both of the men, she walked up to them took the box, put it on top of her head and walked out of the store as if it was nothing. Love African women!

Next in line was one of those moments that just hurts. After a parent meeting that was under a tree, we fed all the parents a meal. Many of the women were in shock to be served by a Mzungu, "a white person". Once the meal finished, I was outside talking to some people. The rice was cooked in giant pots and the bottom layer had gotten quite burnt. I watched as a group of children waited by the side of the kitchen and got the pot of burnt rice. They quickly seized the pot and all began to scrape the bottom of the pot, desperate for food. My heart just sank. What do you do with that?

A few days later, I went to another one of the villages to help in the preparation process for the school. I have been to all the villages so many times now and am thankful that my relationships with the people are deepening. This village in particular has one of the highest AIDS rates in the country. And, so many of the children going to our school there are AIDS orpans. As I was standing by our car playing with the children, I just began to cry. The smiling faces of these beautiful children have been a bright spot for me countless times before. Why am I crying now? We are starting a school, this is a good thing, so why does my heart hurt now? You look at these children and just wonder what will their future be. The need so often feels overwhelming.

These are just a few of the stories that have filled my life these past two weeks. God seems to be showing so much...

Complete Powerlessness

Have you ever felt completely powerless? Have you felt trapped like you are not able to do anything to change or improve your situation? Have you ever felt like you could not do anything? I know that so many people live life that way. This past Saturday night, I had that feeling. As we were driving home from the airport late, we happened to see a group of people on the side of the road. There was probably only 6 or 7 people and I think two of them were women. As we got closer, we realized that one of the men was beating one of the women. He knocked her down to the ground and then picked her up and knocked her back down again. He was dragging and hitting her over and over. What do you do? Should I get involved? Is it wise? It isn't good to just let a woman get beat. Surely there is something that we can do? But if we go over there without knowing the situation are we going to get beat up as well? But shouldn't I be willing to help? But it is a risk... But shouldn't I be willing to risk? If you are not willing to help others at risk to yourself, then are you living the life that God has called you to live? Aren't we supposed to lay our life down for others? But, would I really be any help? My swahili is not strong enough to argue? I felt trapped. We pulled over onto the side of the road near the people as did a few other cars. I hoped that just by stopping that maybe they would stop. As we were discussing what we should do, a man from another car got out. He looked like he was willing to help and he looked more able. However, as he walked by our car, we realized that he was carrying a gun. OH MY GOODNESS! What is he going to do? Is he going to use it or just show it to scare them? People here get beat up if you are just supsected of being a thief. There is no 911 to call. I have even been stopped to give police a ride somewhere. There is nothing that they can or will do. Do we just leave? Getting involved at this point definitely did not seem wise but can we just leave that woman? I felt so powerless. We did leave. As we left, I could nothing but pray. I pray that that woman is okay and will one day find freedom from oppression. I pray that the overwhelming sense of helplessness would no longer be the dominant feeling here. I pray that God would do a mighty work in transforming this country. I pray that I would know what to do

An inside look

Let me give you a bit of an inside look into the type of conversations that I have with God.

Me: "Lord Jesus, I pray that you will help us find teachers for our project schools."
God: "Will do, no problem"
Me: "No, I don't think you understand God. It is too difficult. "
God: "No, I do understand, I am working things out, you will see. "
Me: "God, do you really understand how difficult it is. Let me explain. There are very few teachers in general here in Tanzania."
God: "Yes, I know"
Me: "Okay, well did you also know that very few of them are Christians"
God: "Yes, I am working on that as well. "
Me: "Well, many claim to be Christians but actually are not, it is more a cultural thing. You are either a Muslim or Christian. We need people that love God and are willing to serve them. That is difficult to find."
God: "Meagan, remember I created the whole universe in six days, this is small potatoes."
Me: "God, are you reallly listening? There is no way you can do this. Most of the qualified teachers do not want to go in live in a village and live in difficult circumstances."
God: "I can handle difficult situations. I have some experience."
Me: "God, it is not just one project but five. How can you ever work that out? These teachers need to love Jesus, love children, have a heart to serve, work well with the other teachers. At the new schools we need strong leadership and a sense of unity."
God: "Trust me"
Me: "I do trust you, but I just don't think you understand how difficult it will be."
God: "Trust Me"
Me: "Ok, I guess I will trust you and see what happens."
God: "Look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe even if you were told." (Habbakuk 1:5) "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be good in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." (Malachi 3:10).

And wouldn't you know it, God did exactly what He said he would do, even though I pretty much tried to convince him otherwise. I truly am utterly amazed. God has brought amazing teachers to work with us. Things have come together in a way that only God can get the credit for! I am so thankful that God does not need me to be a strong, faithful Christian to use me. He uses a broken, faithless, questioning vessel.