A priest, rabbi, and a missionary walk into a bar

.... Okay, not really, but I do have a funny joke that I thought I would share. Please keep in mind that this is not an original. But, I think very eloquently captures the essence of daily life here in Tanzania.

Before we begin, some information to help understand. Daladalas are minibuses that dominate the roads here in Tanzana. Even though they have small seats for about twelve people, itis quite common to see at least 20, if not a whole lot more crammed into the tiny space that the daladala provides. When getting on, you just kind of push your way through. Seeing people hanging outside because it is so full is even common. Daladala drivers race to get to the next stop to get the anxious passengers. Once, when I was about to get on a daladala, the conductor fought with another conductor because he thought that he had stolen me for his daladala. Even when you do not have the pleasure of enjoying a ride in the daladala, you get to interact with them as they weave in and out of traffic. They are on a mission to get to the next stop and nothing will get in their way. They cut you off, knock mirrors of the side of your car, cut each other off, and just in general do whatever they want.

Okay, hopefully that is clear and will help make the joke as funny as possible. Ready! Don't forget, fake laughter and polite chuckles work on me.

One day a priest dies and goes up to heaven. He is forced to wait at the pearly gates while St. Peter reviews his record. Since it is taking quite a long time, the priest feels impatient and slightly indignant. He was a priest. He gave his life for God and sacrficed a lot. It just does not make sense. The priest mentions all of this to St. Peter who simply shrugs his shoulder and asks for a little more time.

As the priest is waiting, a daladala driver arrives. Much to his dismay and shock, the daladala driver is able to enter right away without any problems. After the priest picks his jaw up off the ground, he goes up to St. Peter. At first, he is only to point and stammer because of the shock. St. Peter looks at the priest with patience while he pulls himself together. The priest is confused. He says, "I am a priest. He is a daladala driver. Do you know daladala drivers? Do you know all the crazy things they do and the insane ways they driver?" Peter looks at his record and seems to have found the explanation for what has gone on. He replies, "Well, here is the situation. It has to do with your work. Whenever you did your work, the people slept. Whenever he did his work, the people prayed."

Get it! Ha ha! knee slapper! =)

With a sense of humor like mine, I will completely understand if you decided to never read my blog again and go on to find one with real humor at least substance. =)

I did it

So, I did it. I made the first step. Isn't amazing how little things can make a huge difference? The first thing I did was go to a local bookstore to find children's story books in Swahili. What I didn't realize is how hard of a task that would be, most of the books are in English. (If even of you out there like to write children's books, there is a great market for you here in Tanzania!) I managed to find a couple. The next stop is a local ministry called Mkombozi or Redeemer. For several years, this ministry has worked with street children. I decided to stop by and find out about their ministry, what they do, and get recommendations for how best to respond. In just a short amount of time, I learned so much and got some practical tips. Plus, I was able to tell them about two little boys that I know that are living on the streets that they will follow up with. Because they seemed to know a lot about the Arusha situation, I asked if they knew of anyone that works with adults that are on the streets. Even though they did not know of anyone right away, they said they would look into it and get back to me.

From all of that, one of the biggest changes is how I feel. I feel less intimidated and useless. I am more ready to engage the people that I see. I so often feel like I am in the middle of something and I have some place to go when I see people on the street begging, so I do not stop to engage them in conversation and get to know them. Selfish! Now, instead of avoiding places I want to go to them to start building relationships. I am not sure what I can do, but I know I can love them.

To finish the day yesterday, I decided to go out of my gate and interact with some of the children. Typically, when we pull in, there are several children hanging around that beg for money, candy, or a gift. Since I don't want to encourage begging, I typically ignore them and go inside my big gate. Today, I came out of my big gate. Once I got outside my gate, I looked around but did not see any children. So, I just went to the pile of concrete blocks to sit and wait. Less than a minute later a group of girls came running because they saw the mzungu. Sure enough, the first words out of their mouths were give us candy, give us money. I said that I brought a book. They stared at me strangely but then shrugged their shoulders and said okay, we will take the book. I smiled and said, I did not come to give them the book but to read with them. They seemed a bit shocked. I am not sure, but the look on their face seemed to say, you are one crazy white lady. So, we sat down and started to read. I fumbled through the swahili which got lots of laughs. Eventually, the older two girls sat next to me and helped me read. Throughout the story, we laughed at the silliness of the story.

After we finished reading the story, we sat and visited some more. Honestly, some times I feel akward. I don't know what to say or what to do which I think is why sometimes I avoid situations. A couple of little boys came up and joined us and wanted to know what we were doing. At first, they both were very shy but eventually relaxed. Since we were in a concrete yard, naturally a contest to see who could the rocks the furtherst quickly ensued. The children were doubled over with laughter when they would see me stretch, warm up, wind up, and look fierce and then throw the rock two feet or drop behind me. Absolutely hilarious. We just had fun together hanging out.

Now, I am looking forward to going home in the hopes of seeing the kids again and playing!

A way forward

Seeing the depth of your sin, is never easy but it is good because then things can be dealt with. Of course, ultimately, Christ is my savior and even if I am still a complete and total mess until the end of my days, I am going to heaven and He can finish the job up there. =) Let's be honest, the chances are pretty good that I will still be a mess. However, I need to learn to deal with some things better and find a way forward.

The past couple of weeks I have felt incredibly tired all the time and very emotional. I have not felt like myself. I checked on the internet and I don't think that there is an amoeba or parasite that causes people to be more emotional, oh well. While I was at the home of a long term missionary couple, I shared how I was feeling. The immediate response by the wife was it sounds like culture shock. Never in a million years would I have thought that it had anything to do with culture shock. I have lived for over a year now. I have dealt with the strange and different things. I should be fine. Apparently, not so much. We talked through a lot of things and it was really good.

Because I have a tendency to put things in a box and have a plan for things, I felt like I could not deal with the poverty around me. I have my ministry and it is out in the villages. Somewhere I got it in my head, that ministry means having a plan, working with others, having meetings, etc. etc. Once again, I was wrong. (I am starting to get used to that) Ministry is just loving the people that God has put in your life, no matter who they are. Ministry is loving the people around me, my neighbors, the street kids, the kids that come up to me every day as I come home begging for money.

Now I just have to figure out how to do this; how to change how I live my life. I don't want to add extra work, but I have realized not doing anything about the people around me is hurting me emotionally and spiritually. I am often afraid of rejection and this can prevent me from even starting something and then I just make up excuses that sound wise but are full of bologna. I have lots of ideas running around in my head like tutoring some of the children, reading stories to them, inviting them over and just playing with them. When I come home, I don't leave again. I don't go and visit my neighbors. I make myself seperate. I want to start visiting people more to build better relationships. There is a ministry that works with street kids, I want to go and visit them and ask for help in knowing the best way to respond to the kids that I see. I would like to have a discipleship group of young TZ girls. I am not sure how to do any of this or how to make any of this happen, but I know that if this is developed more that I will be better, my work will be better.

When I arrived, I got this one track mind and have been afraid to deviate. Now, I do have a tendency to do too much, so I do want to pray first rather than running full steam ahead first. Would you pray with me? Would you pray that God would guide me in all of this and provide opportunities? Let's see what God does....

Being a Hypocrite

I came to Tanzania to help the poor. I came wanting to serve the least and the lost, the poorest of the poor. All of that seems rather good and noble, until I realized my true character. I only want to help others when it is convenient for me. I do not want to help others when I am tired or hungry, even though I probably cannot imagine what it really means to be tired and hungry. I have never gone a day without a meal, I have never slept outside, on the ground because I had no place else to go. I get tired and irritable and do not want to be bothered with the needs of others when I have other things that I want to do. I will only help people when it is part of my schedule. I need to be efficient and have a well organized plan, not just waste my day by helping every person I see.

Everywhere I turn I see need. It is exhausting and at times I find myself wanting to escape, to retreat, to block it all out. There are days, where I feel like I just can't handle it. I think it is easier to have it be a scheduled activity because then I keep it compartmentalized and I don't have to get my hands dirty. Things get too messy. I like to stay in my nice, safe little house rather than be the hands and feet.

It is hard to see yourself as a hypocrite. I thank God for His grace in my life and that He is in the business of redeeming people.

The little things

We know that we have a Big God who created the universe and is all powerful. He cares about our lives. He does great and mighty things, but isn't it neat when we see Him provide in small, seemingly insignificant ways. Things that we would assume that God would not care about. Let's be honest there are a lot of important things that God needs to tend to, so a lot of times I assume that I am on my own for the little things, that I will just have to make do.

Living in Tanzania during the 21st century is nothing like the olden days. Granted the internet is slow, but at least we have internet. Our power is bipolar, but at least we have power. We might not always have a hot shower, but at least we do not have to go and get the water and carry it ourselves. Some things are difficult to get here but for the most part we are fine. Many things here are just two or three times the price of home but they are available. So, really, when you think of what people used to go through, it is no big deal.

Even though certain things are no big deal, I love it when God cares. Friday morning, I realized that I was out of Qtips. Unfortunately, I did not realize this before the most recent team came to ask them to bring some. (The fact that we have teams come over is a huge blessing!) Friday at lunch, I went out to lunch with the team and they had put together a gift bag for me. Guess what was inside....Qtips! Isn't that amazing. I didn't know, but God knew. He knows all the big things going on in my life but all the litte things as well.

From legalism to grace

Do you know what it is like to be trapped by legalism? To be trapped in a world where you think that you have to do the right thing or say the right thing to be a Christian? Have you ever felt fear that if people knew the real you, your thoughts, your emotions, that they would never think you were a Christian? That people would judge you and condemn you? Have you ever felt like there was no one to go to with the things you are struggling with because they would accuse you and ask how could you really be a Christian? Those feelings must be suffocating, almost like being imprisoned. You have to hide who you really are from the rest of the world in order to be accepted.

Isn't it amazing that our relationship with Christ is not based on what we do? We did nothing to earn God's love and we cannot do anything to make Him stop loving us. Have you ever been with someone who you know is trapped in that world and then finds the way into a world of freedom and grace? Last week, I had the chance to see God open the eyes of a girl to the reality of His love, mercy, and grace.

Isn't it amazing that our relationship with Christ is not based on what we do? We did nothing to earn God's love and we cannot do anything to make Him stop loving us. So, being with someone who you know is trapped in that world of legalism is heartbreaking. However, if and when they find the way into a world of freedom and grace it is wonderful to see. Last week, I had the chance to see God open the eyes of a girl to the reality of His love, mercy, and grace.

As I think I have shared before, it is very difficult to find teachers, even more difficult to find teachers who are Christians, and then on top of that even more difficult to find teachers who are willing to live and work where our projects are. A couple of weeks ago I went up to one of our projects for a meeting with the teachers and to handle some of other issues. Considering the difficulties in finding teachers, you can imagine my suprise when I learn that a woman has shown up to the nursery school asking for a job.

When I first met her, there was a harshness to her personality that came across right away. She was cold and withdrawn and very severe with the children. Later, I learned that she had caned one of the children that morning. Unfortunately this is still quite commonplace in the public schools. Even though they have been taught to not use the stick, that is how they were raised and how they were treated in school. Hence, most revert back to it when they do not know what else to do. After talking to her, I learned that she is an orphan that has a relationship with the pastor and his wife that lead the project. Many of the children at the school in this village are orphans. Because of the relationship, I realize that I will need to interview her despite my desire to dismiss her. We had a long day and everyone was ready to leave and this was not part of the agenda. The interview would make everyone wait and we had a long drive home ahead of us.

Ultimately the decision to hire a teacher is not mine, I am only an advisor. I usually lead the process in an effort to help the pastor, head teacher, and others have a better understanding of the skills and character of the candidate. During the course of the interview, this teacher remained cold and distant and gave trite answers. Eventually, many of the people left the interview including the pastor. Often times this means that they no longer have an interest in that person. But, I continued. In order to understand how a teacher disciplines, we ask a series of "situational" questions. She gave quick answers but insisted that she would never cane. At this point, she did not know that I had already been told. We made sure that she understood what we were asking, and she was clear that she did not cane a child that day. Bottom line, she lied. At this point, I was ready to give up, call it a day, and say thank you for your time.

However, that is not what God had in store. I knew that God wanted there to be more with this girl. She was harsh and severe for a reason. Even though she claimed to be a Christian, there was something missing. So, I asked her if she knew that God loved her. She seemed a bit caught off guard by the question. We talked more about God's love and grace and both the head teacher and I shared times where we saw the goodness of God work in our lives. In addition, we shared that at the school the desire was to have an environment of mercy and grace where teachers felt free to make mistakes and ask for help. There is no shame in making a mistake or doing something wrong. We are there to help and support the teachers because everyone is in process and God is a God of love and acceptance. Watching her eyes and expression soften was amazing. You could see her begin to process it all and find peace and freedom. At the end we asked her if there was any answer she had given before that she would like to change. We knew that she did not know what kind of school we have and what are expectations were, but it is important to be transparent and honest so that we can move forward.

After a few moments, she replied that she did cane a child. You could see a little fear in her eyes when she admitted this. However, we assured her that it was okay. She did not know our rules on caning and even if she had it takes time to learn other ways of discipline and we are here to help and develop her as a teacher. Relief just flooded her face and the harshness was replaced with a huge smile and warmth. We spent time praying with her and offered her the job. Several others quickly commented on the transformation of the girl and asked what occured. I had a plan to interview a possible teacher. God had a plan to take a precious child that He loves and cares deeply about from a place of legalism to the wonderful world of grace. Isn't God good?

It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Super Christian

I have never really had aspirations of being a super Christian. Early on, I was painfully aware of my sinful, prideful self. So, needless to say super Christian status was not to be for me. However, I did hope that after becoming a missionary, certain things would just be easier. You know in the Bible where it talks about forgiveness. I like it when it means others have to forgive me when I have made mistakes or even worse hurt them. The other way around is a different story. Despite the reality of how much Christ has forgiven me, I still struggle with forgiveness. I want justice. I want wrongs to be righted. In no way, do I want to forgive someone without them asking for it. I want them to be sorry. I definitely do not want to forgive if they think they have done nothing wrong. Isn't great to see this Christ like attitude in a missionary!

As is the case in all of our lives, I have been hurt by others. Some times I just say it is no big deal and sweep it under the proverbial carpet. Which, as I am sure you will agree, does not actually work. No matter how far you sweep it under the carpet, you still see it again. I am not sure if the carpet shrinks with time or "my junk" just grows. Bottom line, minimizing things is not dealing with them and is not forgiveness because the next something happens every thing gets brought back up again.

While struggling with hurt and forgiveness, I realized my pride, my arrogance, self-righteousness, lack of humility and all sorts of other really fun sins that tend to rear their ugly head. The moment that I realized the ugliness of my own sin in all of this was very humbling. I am so thankful that despite all of my sin, God is still faithful. God is still good. He knew all of that and still loved me and waited and was tender and patient with me. More than ever, I am aware of how much I do not deserve God's grace and mercy.

After realizing all of that, God just seemed to be kneading my heart and preparing me to truly forgive. Now, those issues are done and gone, never to be brought up again. How amazing that the most freeing thing in the world is to forgive someone else.

The latest from You might be living in Africa if....

More details are to come from last week but I couldn't resist put some of the latest moments that can only happen in Africa. This past week has just been jammed pack with crazy moments, some of them where you don't know if you should laugh or cry, others where you laugh so hard you cry, and others where you just shake your head.
Friday evening, I told a friend about these and asked for some ideas. The next night, we went to the movies and three times during the most exciting moments the power went out. The third time we looked at each other and said you might be living in Africa if....

But, let me just get on with it. Don't forget fake laughter and polite chuckles work on me. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy to get comments that say, you are the funniest mzungu ever! =)

1. You might be living in Africa if your roommate can actually play a joke on you by saying rats have eaten our chocolate cake because you believe it could happen. The rats have eaten just about everything else.

2. You might be living in Africa if you cook four pieces of chicken but can only find three. Solving the great chicken mystery quickly becomes the focus of the day. The only evidence seems to be that the rats climbed up on the stove and stole a piece! (They have climbed up more difficult places and stolen more).

3. You might be living in Africa if the idea of a night's entertainment is watching two ants crawling up the wall carrying a bug much bigger than the two of them. All eyes are on the ants and lively commentating begins. "Look they are losing ground" "Nope, they are going to make it, they are not giving up." "They are going up a little and down a little" "Will they make it?" And finally, a lively round of applause as they succeed.

4. You might be living in Africa if you see an entire office desk on the back of a bicycle.

5. You might be living in Afica if you can put your entire house on a cart and push it through town. Africa's version of a Uhaul.

6. ... if you are willing to pay $14 for creammate.

7. ... if you are willing to pay $5 for a snickers but argue over the $.50 for a mango.

8. ... if you while you are eating a piece of red meat you are able to sit at the table for a short while, get up and go into the kitchen to get something, return to the table, listen to a 20 minute conversation and then finally swallow. Boy do I miss the steaks from home!

Don't forget about the polite chuckles and the fake laughter!

On the Road Again

So, I have a question for you. Are you more like Donkey or Shrek? I think I can go back and forth between the two. Sometimes, I can be a bit ogreish and want things done my way and to be left alone. Other times, I feel like donkey and just talk way too much. Even though I am not actually a cartoon character, there are times when I feel like I can relate to Donkey. You know the part when he realizes that the princess is actually an ogre and as he is walking out he starts twitching and is sure he is going to need years of therapy. Trust me, I have felt that twitch and I already needed therapy! =) Then of course, there are those social cues that donkey completely misses. Shrek is trying to tell him to leave him alone but Donkey just does not get it. As you can imagine, communication here is just a tad bit different which may be a slight understatement. Even if I am speaking the same language, all sorts of crazy miscommunication seems to happen. One of my favorite seens is when Shrek says that Donkey can stay. Shrek of course mean outside so that he can be alone in his humble abode and Donkey misses that completely. He gets all excited runs into Shreks house and talks about the wonderful time they will have together and then says, "In the morning, I am making waffles" with a big ol' grin on his face. Yep, that one might be a reality way too often for me here in Tanzania. I get all excited and then realize that I missed the entire conversation because in an indirect culture, what wasn't said is more important than what was. Oh well, still learning.

However, what lead me down the road of discovery with Shrek was actually the scene when Donkey sings "On the road again". I love that part, especially when he is forced to hum. As I think you know, I travel quite often to the villages. This week, I traveled to two villages and really feel like God did a lot in those visits. Sometimes I am very excited and am anticipating the time ahead, and then nothing. Other times, like this week, my expectations are low and a lot of great things happen, things that are completely unexpected. More details to come on some of those....