A little teary...

Do you ever have moments where your emotions just come out of nowhere? Where you feel blindsided? Granted, this might just be a girl thing. I think I might have seen my dad get a little teary eyed once when Penn State came from behind to beat Notre Dame in football or catching a much bigger fish than my uncle Joe, but I am pretty sure I have never seen him tear up while chopping potatoes. And, in the many years that I have known my brother, I don't think we have just been hanging out and he starts to sniffle. Of course, they could just be hiding it and putting on that tough exterior and really just crying on the inside. It is hard to tell with the men folk. But, once again, I digress, back to the point: me and my crazy emotions.

So, there I was just chopping away, and out of nowhere little drops of water just started to leak out of the bottom of my eyes. I had not even begun to chop the onions which are incredibly strong and then could have been easily blamed. Unless these are a different breed of potato, I think it will be hard to blame them. Julia and I were preparing dinner in our kitchen. It was Friday night and earlier in the week we had talked about wanting to do a nice southern meal. We made hamburgers, home fries, green beans, and yummy mango cobbler (no peaches). To help create the mood, we listened to some blue grass whilst we were chopping away. I am happy and looking forward to dinner when out of nowhere for no apparent reason, these emotions just whack upside the head. I began thinking: What is wrong with me? Where did these come from? What is going on? Then, I realized, I was just missing home. Fall is coming and the music and the food made me think of the fall in Georgia with the changing of the leaves and going for a walk outside and barbecuing with friends and family. And, football! Not soccer, real American football where there is blood and guts and glory! I love the Fall. It is my favorite time of the year. I was just sad to be missing it again.

I love being in Tanzania and feel completely clarity from the Lord that I am right where He wants me to be. I had thought that I had gotten through the homesick blues, but apparently they never quite go away....

Roller Coasters and God

I know you must be thinking that what do roller coasters and God have to do with one another. What crazy tangent am I going off on this time? But, before you stop reading or catch up on facebook or Fox news, hear me out. I think you might be suprised. I don't know about you, but I LOVE roller coasters. They are so much fun. I don't know what is about having the sickening feeling in your stomach as you slowly creep up the hill wandering why did you get on this roller coaster? Why do you put yourself through this torture, what were you thinking? Is there anyway to get off? Is it too late? What if I start crying, would they stop the roller coaster? Then you get to the top and off you go and all you can do is scream, you know that feeling of your stomach hovering over you or being in your throat. You make it to the bottom of the hill and you have lived only to be quickly whisked away to some crazy turn and then looped upside down and more insanity. Finally, the ride is over and you feel that rush. Complete adrenaline rushing through your body. Everybody is windblown saying, "OH MY GOSH, THAT was awesome!" You know that feeling of feeling completely alive, like every little hair on your body is tingling. You jump out of the car and race out so you can quickly get back in line to do it all over again! What is there not to love about roller coasters?! You were afraid but you safely make it through and it feels GREAT!

I have personally always wondered about adrenaline. Why did God create it? What is the purpose behind it? I have no hard data, but my personal opinion is that it might just be a taste of heaven. I think heaven is going to be amazing and that we are going to experience unbelieaveable and exciting things. We will not be twiddling our thumbs or drumming our fingers. . I think that the adventures will just be beginning when we make up to the Pearly Gates. One day as I was journaling, I even drew a roller coaster with "God" in it. "The roller coaster of heaven". I don't even think we will have to wait in long lines in heaven to get on the roller coasters. =)

This past week at church, one of my friends mentioned roller coasters and our lives with God and it got me thinking about all that has gone on in the past few weeks. Life has definitely not been boring. Through all that has happened, the spider bites, savings going away, and being robbed at knife point, God has been there. I have never not been safe, from an eternal perspective. Honestly, there were times when I felt afraid and out of control. I could not get off the roller coaster. I was strapped in and it was already on its way up the hill. However, now as I look back, I am more convinced than ever of God's goodness and love for me. He is amazing. I am not racing out of the car to get back in line to go through all of that again, but I think I wouldn't be afraid if it did. There is something about going through all of that that has made me feel more secure and peaceful than ever before. Incredible, really to realize that the God of the universe is on your side. So, I am just going to hang on tight and enjoy the ride. =)

Every tongue, tribe, and nation

In the midst of all that happened last week, in typical God fashion, God allowed me to be a part of a sweet, and fun type of worship. He always seems to meet me right where I am and remind me that He is still sovereign. Friday was the last day of our weeklong seminar with the teachers. Throughout all the fabulous teaching and useful tips given, one of the most amazing things was seeing a sense of unity and community developing amongst the teachers of all the Imara schools. So, Friday morning, worship was big giant party, literally. We broke it down, danced around, and all in all just got a great workout, Jesus style. However, my favorite part was the last song that we sang. Here in Tanzania, there are over 120 different tribes. Some are very different from each others, not so much; but, each definitely has its own unique personality and language. What does that have to do with worship, well let me tell you... WOW! I must admit that I am definitely not a Bible scholar. I must admit that there are times when I read the Bible and I feel at a complete loss and don't feel like I understood anything or got much out of it. However, there are times when I feel like my soul has been nourished from a rich time in the word. Friday, I felt like I saw the Bible come to life. In front of me, I saw a passage of scripture played out in front of me. As we were worshipping, the leader called all of the Massai up to dance and worship with their dance. He led them in a song about the people from that tribe knowing God and worshipping and celebrating their way. The Massai are the ones that jump up and down and move their shoulders in ways I didn't realize were possible. After them, he continued to all up all the tribes represented: Chagga, Meru, Pare, and many others. They even let the Wazungu tribe come up, which was just little ol me representing the white people of the world that can't dance. =) I was right in the midst of Revelation 7:9-10, "After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no-one could count, from every nation, tribe, people, and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: 'Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.'" Aren't you glad that heaven is not going to be sitting on clouds playing harps but a whole lot more fun?

Listen, drop everything, get on a plane and come to Tanzania because worship here is just to amazing to miss!

Planes, Phones, and Spiders

Have you ever had one of those weeks where life changes a bit? Where your view of life is altered and you realize that you will never look at life the same again? You know where those weeks where you are just going about your business and bam something happens that throws you of course a bit? I think I can get comfortable with life and put safety nets in place. I find safety nets much easier than actually depending on God alone. In my defense, I often fool even myself. I make it appear as though I am being wise and Godly and don't realize that I am putting my hope in things rather than God. So, this week God got a hold of me. As I look back at all that has happened and how different I feel compared to this time last week, I am in a bit of shock. However, it has been a full week so prepare yourself for a bit of a long entry. Maybe, go get a cup of tea, a bag of popcorn, or just some chocolate to help you get through the long entry that is about to begin.

This past week, we had a week long seminar for the teachers from all five of the Imara schools. WOW! God did so much, I will have to share more about that at another time but if I shared that at this time as well, this would quickly become a short novella. As is the case with most seminars, especially here, the first morning is a bit nuts as you run here and there getting all the last minute things together, making sure so and so knows about the thingabob and the other so and so has gotten the whatchamacallit. Needless to say, by lunch time I was bit tired. As we began the session after lunch, I felt like I could finally sit back and enjoy and learn. However, soon after started my foot felt a little strange. When I looked down, it had gotten a bit swollen. Since my ankle sprain several months ago, every once in a while my ankly swells up a bit so I didn't think much of it until I realized that it was the wrong foot. I just love it when I do stuff like that. I continued on but started feeling a bit weird. Quickly, the size of my foot increased significantly and feeling a bit weird grew to feeling dizzy with chestpains. I felt like waiting was no longer the wise choice and going to the doctor might be a good idea.

However, when I got to the doctor he barely acknowledged what I was going through and had me get some bloodwork done and then come back in three hours. I thought he was concerned and wanted to see if my condition was getting worse or better. I was wrong. He just had something else to do. After coming back three hours later and waiting an hour and a half, I learned that he had tested me for malaria, which of course I did not have, and then gave me cipro which is a medicine to kill bacteria when you have a stomach bug. Needless to say, I broke down. That moment was one that I felt the most fear. I felt like there was no one I could trust or depend on that knew what they were doing. Everything is malaria here. Despite the clear evidence of bites on my legs that were hard and hot and the huge size of my lower leg, I got tested for malaria. At that moment, I just sat and realized that I had nothing but God. I had absolutely no control. There was nothing that I could do. My mom called the medical insurace company I use and they asked what country Tanzania is in, so I felt like their knowledge of these things might be slightly limited. Honestly, I cannot think of a time when I felt more scared. Any safety net that doctors provide was completely gone.

Next up on the list, my finances. Because of several crazy situations, my savings account went from healthy to zero. I had been trying to be responsible with my money and make wise decisions. Having a savings account definitely provided a sense of security in case of emergencies and now that is gone completely. A bit scary but once again nothing I can do. The situation is completely out of my control and I have to depend on God.

The finale of this week was a bit of a shock to my system as well. After finishing the seminar on Friday, I headed down to Dar es Salaam for a meeting on Saturday. Before the meeting began, I decided to go for a run. Even though it was quite early, about 7am, lots of people were out. Since I am a bit of a slow runner, well let's be honest, I am more of a shuffler that looks like I am a bit haggard while I run, I prefer for the crowd to not be so big. So, I decided to head towards to beach. As I was on the rocky part making my way to the sand, a man approached me. He picked up large rock and said give me your phone or I will kill you. I was in shock. Was he actually serious? Was I really being robbed? I did not want to give up my phone. This past week there had been multiple issues with it that made me wonder if I should just purchase another one, but with my current financial situation, I felt like I could not do it. So, he was not going to get my phone without a fight. And, fight we did. He struggled to get my phone as I asked him why? I told him that God was here. God knows what he is doing. The struggle continued for a while and then he picked up a broken bottle. Even though I screamed a couple of times, everyone kept on with what they are doing and ignored the situation. Then another man came up. He pulled a knife. At this point, I decided to give up the struggle. However, I wanted my sim card. Having to change my phone number and find all my numbers seemed too much. After being a bit too difficult, they finally conceded but then also took my watch. It was a bit surreal to realize that one guy was holding me with a knife while the other guy took my phone and watch. As they walked away, I told them that God still loved them. They just stared at me like I was crazy. Now, I felt like even my life was not secure. You never know what is going to happen. God is always at work and clearly was protecting me.

On the plane ride home, the whole plane was praying because it was such a scary ride. We had some significant free fall, some large bumps, and did some sliding around. As all of this was happening, I couln't help but think that maybe this past week God was preparing me for what might happen. However, we landed safely.

As I sat in my living room on Sunday night, I was a bit overwhelmed by all that occured in one week and all that God had done. I felt like God used planes, phones, and spiders to rip away any safety net and show me that I really can depend on Him alone. I feel a bit exposed and little unsure but very aware of God's presence.

This morning, one of my favorite passages of scripture became a little more real.

Isaiah 43: 1-2

"Do not fear, I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overcome you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour."