Dog people vs. Cat People

Yes, the century long battle continues between the sweet, loving, and loyal group of dog lovers vs. the snobby, too good for you, leave me alone group of cat people. I am sure it is impossible at this point to tell which group I belong to. I will let the suspense continue for a little while longer. =) Either way, we are all pet lovers. Do you know what it is about having a pet that makes us happy? Why do kids beg and plead to get one? For me, having a dog was so much fun. It was great to have my little guy to go for walks with and play with and snuggle with. But then, one morning I awoke to weird sounds only to discover that my dog was having a grand mal seizure that lasted about 5 minutes. I thought he was dying. I just cried and held him. Throughout the next year, my little Matty had many more seizures. Because he had grand mal cluster seizures, I had to take him to the vet emergency clinic often. The amount of money that I spent on my dog was definitely significant. Eventually, they became so frequent and severe that too much damage had been done and he needed to be put down. I loved my dog.

This morning when I got online, one of the news headlines was about wheelchairs for pets. As I looked at the cute little dog in his wheelchair, I just started to cry. It came out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting it. However, I wasn't crying because of the dog, I was crying because of the people that I see here. I was crying because of all the people I see crippled, many of whom do not even have wheelchairs and if they do they are nothing like what we have in the States. I am not sure what to do with the things that I see everyday. How do I help? How do I not help? How do I not hurt for these people that I see limping along who have to walk miles just to get water? How does my heart not break for people that have little to no value in their society and are cast offs? But, how do I live in a perpetual state of brokenness? In it is not every once in a while that I see these things, it is every day.

As Julia and I were driving yesterday, she told me the story of a woman that was just heartbreaking that she saw earlier. I think the man in the wheelchair along the side of the road whose legs were size of a tiny tree branch might have been what reminded her of that woman but I am not sure. I couldn't help but think that we have barely begun to scratch the surface of the despair and poverty in this country and really all over.

Honestly, sometimes it is too much for me. I just want to run away and hide and forget about all the things that I have seen. I just want to go home and go back to my old life and let these people just be people that I see occassionally on the news or that I hear stories about rather than real people that I know. But I know I can't...

Systems, processes, and other practical things

When people come to Africa to serve, I think the dream is often to help by feeding a starving child or giving medicine to someone suffering from AIDS or building a house for a widow. I know that is what I thought about. Some of my favorite times this past year have been when I was sitting on a rock in someone's mud hut that is too small for me to even stand and listening to their story and praying for them. However, as I have gone deeper into the ministry as a whole, I have realized that a lot more is needed. If people want to feed a starving child, food needs to be bought, a cook needs to be found, people to distribute food need to be hired. To give someone medicine means making sure the right health people are involved and that there is proper care. To build a house means getting a quote and bill of quantity for all the supplies and finding the right people to help. On an ever grander scale, building a school! WOW! The work that takes from the classrooms to the desks and chairs, from the septic tank to the retaining walls. We have learned that in the process of all of this we need better communication and involvement of the community and pastors. Throughout my time here, I felt frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, disheartened and whole other range of emotions because of mundane, practical things. So, last week when I finished my week I felt this enormous since of progress! I felt like we were making head way on developing systems and processes and had created a few simple forms. YEAH!

Sometimes it's the little things....

Perspective

Do you ever lose perspective? Do you ever get so focused on the things that are right in front of you that you forget to take a step back and look at the big picture? Do you ever get so caught up in all the things that you have to do that you forget all the things that have already been done? That sometimes you are not working with your head up, but with your head down.
I am hoping that I am not alone in this! I am so thankful that God so often steps into my life and helps me see what He sees. Yesterday, I felt like God took my head in His hands and lifted up to take a look around.

We went to the village of Karanse with a long agenda of things to discuss. These things varied from teams that are coming to communication, from painting of the school to a sewing class for widows. So many things to do and so little time. There is so much to do. After we finished meeting with the pastor and social worker, we needed to go and greet the teachers. At that time, school was just finishing and all the students were lined up for the end of the day assembly. As they worshipped God, singing with all of their heart as loud as they can, I just cried. It is so easy to lose perspective and get caught up in the little things. I so often forget what God has already done and what He is doing. These children are loved and cared for. They are receiving one of the best educations in all of Tanzania. They are poor village kids that live in mud huts yet they get to learn and have awe and wonder in the discovery of so many amazing things. On a daily basis, they are taught that God loves them and are shown that love through their teachers and other workers. They have hope. Their lives are forever changed. WOW! What a good God we serve!