Karate Kid

Watching all those Karate Kid movies, and the one year of karate lessons when I was nine finally paid off! Before you have a heart attack mom, I fought with the door not a person. =) The gate to our house was stuck. It is this big metal door designed to keep us safe. The door was stuck and we could not get it unstuck, so I needed to do something to get enough force to dislodge it. With visions of the Karate Kid dancing in my head, I kicked it hard and there you go, door opened! HIYA!

Lies, Lies, Lies

Do you ever believe lies? You know those lies that you are not good enough; or that someone else could do a better job; or why can't you handle that? I find myself so afraid to admit that I can't handle something because I think that other people can and I am just being a big baby! Sometimes I feel afraid to ask for prayer in the trivial things because people will think of less of me and think that I am weak. I am afraid that if I admit that I need help that people will not think that I can do the job and will not ask me to be a part of something again. LIES! Do you struggle with that? I think if I am honest I halfway expected to come here and all my old struggles would stay back in America where they belong. What I have found is that I think my strengths stayed back there! Africa has an amazing way of revealing all of your weaknesses for the world to see.

I think that seeing these lies is powerful because now I can fight them with truth. I am so overwhelmed by all of your prayers. What a powerful testimony of the power of prayer. I was so afraid to post my need for prayer in the trivial, ordinary things of life. When you deal with poverty, death, and need here it seemed silly to ask for prayer for me and being overwhelmed. The response of prayer and encouragement has been so good. God is sufficient. He is able! He is here to meet all my needs even the small needs. Thank you all so much!

By the way, I have been out in villages and have not had internet access that is why there has been such a long time between posts.

The Wrong Way to be Right

As I travel to the various villages, we usually have a driver that takes us. They are excellent drivers and very capable but they drive a BIT faster than I do amd swerve in and out quite a bit. I quickly learned how to say Sitaki kufa which means I don't want to die. It is only a joke, I feel completely safe with them. It is me that is really the problem. After a long trip back from one of the villages and saying Sitaki kufa quite a bit to give the driver a hard time, I was dropped off at Imara to get my own car. I was very tired and that is never good when driving on the "other" side of the road. I spaced out and missed my turn, so I had to turn around. I pulled off onto a side street. I just wasn't thinking.... So when I turned right..... I turned right heading right onto a truck coming right at us. We both swerved and lived, but the project manager in the car with me said, Sitaki Kufa! Oh the irony. I turned right the wrong way!

On another note, Thank you all so much for your prayers. I cannot tell you how HUGE of a difference they have made. I will elaborate more but I need to head out the door. I am running late.

Prayer and washing my clothes

Don't worry, I am not asking you to pray about my clothes. I have not gone that looney yet but I do need prayer. I struggle with asking sometimes because I don't want to seem weak. I struggle so much pride and wanting to appear that I can handle everything. I think often I am afraid that people will look down on me because I cannot handle certain situations or stress. I also struggle with knowing when to say help to other people and when to go to God. Obviously, I should always go to God but when should that follow with other people. The whole concept of depending God is hard for me. I can depend on a chair because I feel it when I sit down.
So, here is the bottom line. I have not been home much lately. I have been out in villages. I absolutley love that. But, laundry still needs to be done, bathrooms cleaned, shopping at the market, going to the bank, and other daily grind items. The living here stuff also usually just takes longer than in America. Would you please pray that I would seek God first? Sometimes when I think about all that I have to do in the next few weeks and months, I get overwhelmed and freak out a bit. My focus is not on the right place or really person. I have so little faith. God has proven himself faithful again and again but still I try to do everything on my own. Please pray that I will find rest in God even in the midst of busyness. Pray that I would see that God alone is sufficient and that He does meet all my needs and that He is good and real and Holy and powerful and gentle and comforting. Pray that I would also find time to wash my clothes =). (Unless my mom can come over and do it for me.... =) )

So giddy they are about to burst

Do you have memories from your childhood that always remain fresh? You know those memories where you not only remember the details but even the feelings that you had. One of my favorite memories is of my dad. I wonder if he even remembers this... As a child, I could not wait for my dad to come home from work. I could tell the sound of his car and when I heard it, all of these emotions would start swirling around. My daddy's home. My daddy's home. I am not sure how often this happened, but some times I would go and hide. And I think being the brilliant child that I was, I would choose the same place every time: behind the curtains. I think it was a bit obvious that I was hiding there. But my dad would come in and say where's my meagan, where's my little girl. I would feel like I was about to burst. He would go to the refrigerator and open it up and ask if I was in there, the cupboards, under the cushions, etc. He would walk right past me. Finally, I could not stand it anymore and scream here I am, daddy, here I am. Then he would hug me and tickle me. I knew that I was loved by my dad.

This past weekend I was in Karansi with four wonderful women from Perimeter Church in USA. Several of the women had the opportunity to go and visit the home of the sponsored child. Two brothers were both sponsored by one of the women's daughter's family. As we drove up to their home, they got so excited you knew they could not stand it. They had huge smiles and were jumping up and down in their seats absolutely giddy with delight. They could not wait to have their sponsor meet their mother. The mother had prepared a wonderful feast. She had gotten bamboo and sheets from her neighbours and created a little room by their house. They had gotten the best furniture from others and decorated. They even got sodas from us all to share. What a wonderful time! One of my favorite things about the people here is that they value relationships and time spent with people above all else. Taking the time to go and visit them in their home was such a tremendous event for them and for us, a huge blessing. The whole time during the visit, the two boys just sat there with huge grins on their faces!

Back to the Beginning

This weekend I was in Karanse which is the village that Perimeter church primarily works in with Imara. I stayed in the same room that I did over a year and a half ago when I first came to Tanzania. I remember lying in that bed in awe of God and all that I saw here. I so distinctively remember all of the emotions that I felt. Nothing compares with your first time in Tanzania especially in Karanse. Once you come once, I think it is hard for it not to be in your blood and want to come back again and again or even stay for a bit longer.... =)

Usual Suspects

As you have learned by now if you have been following along from the beginning, I love movies. I love the stories and they usually make me think, well some of them do. One of my favorites is "Usual Suspects" with Kevin Spacey. It is a great mystery film, you know one of those movies where at the end you are in shock and disbelief. Well, one of the lines from that movie has always struck me. It is, "the smartest thing the devil ever did, was have people doubt that he exists." That is so true. If you talk about the devil, demons, witches, or anything else like that you might get locked up in a loony bin. Nowadays it is even socially acceptable to be a witch or a wicken, to worship nature.
Here, things are quite a bit different. It is not uncommon for their to be a witchdoctor in the villages. Many of our pastors in the projects have had to deal with witchdoctors putting curses on them. One of them buried the head of an animal in the area where the church is. The pastor dug it up and planted a tree!
In other villages, some of the children have been deceived into getting involved. They have been cut, you can see the scars, and their blood has been taken. Some of them have even eaten human flesh and drinken human blood, although that is rare.
What people deal with here is so different, things are overtly evil. I think in the west it is more subtle because we are way too smart to believe in witches and demons. The Bible talks about them but they are not around anymore, right?
All that to say, I have been dealing with things that I never thought I would. Please pray for wisdom and discernment as I process it all and try to figure out fact from fiction. Please pray for insight into how to respond to all of this. Most importantly, pray that I am able to love.

Nothing is ever easy

One of the biggest differences I am faced with here is that nothing is ever easy or convenient like at home. I needed to run a simple errand for someone that took over an hour. As I was driving home, I was overwhelmed by exhaustation and had a headache and dreaded going home. I have to get through two gates to get into the house that I am currently living in. For each gate, I have to get out of my car unlock it and open it, drive through it, get out of the car again, and close and lock it back up. I was dirty and grimy from a day in the villages and desperately wanting to be clean. We do not have running water, so that means carrying several buckets into the bathroom and having to boil water three times in the kettle in order to achieve a warm bath. I was starving and to cook is never easy either. As I was pondering all of that, I just stopped. I thought do I want to leave and go back home. Right now, do I want to go and pack up all my stuff and get on the next flight back home? Do I want to go back to "first-world" living? NO! I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I feel peace and contentment in that and I am so thankful. Plus, we all know that life is never easy even back in the states. Furthermore, the difficult times are when God grows us and strengthens our character. All that to say, I think I was just tired and cranky last night. =)

I think I can... I think I can... I think I can...

The little engine that could.... What a great story. This past week, I traveled to Kondoa where we have a project. Our school was being opened by the President of Tanzania! Can you believe it! How amazing! What an incredible honor! In meeting someone or even just in a greeting, you always say Shikamoo to an elder. It means I give you my respect. In a situation like this, a woman would slightly bend her knees and when shaking hands have her left hand hold her right with her palm facing up. And, then not only did I need to say Shikamoo, but I also needed to say Shikamoo Mwahashamiwa Rais. You see my problem. It means, I give you my respect, honourable President. I can be social awkard in America and now I am in a new country, new culture, new language and meeting the president of a COUNTRY! No pressure!

I am a big fan of Far side comics. Who wouldn't be? Their hilarious. One of my favorites is when Tarzan is preparing to meet Jane. It has several little windows that show Tarzan swinging through the jungle. He is practicing what he is going to say when he meets Jane so he can impress her. In the first one, he says, "Hi, I am Tarzan, the king of the Jungle. I am looking for Jane, are you her?" Next, "Are you Jane, because, I am the king of the Jungle known as Tarzan?" I can't remember the third but you get the idea. Finally, when he swings to the branch where Jane is standing with all of the anticipation building and all that practicing, he so elegantly says, "Me Tarzan, you Jane." The final caption is Tarzan with his head in his hands in complete disappointment.

So, now you might have an idea of my meeting with the president. I kept on practicing again and again. It was a little difficult to say and I kept on missing up so people would help so I could practice. When the moment finally came and we were all in a line and he walked down and greeted us, all I could think of was Hola.... I quickly recovered, said simply Shikamoo did not kneel and then hung my head in disappointment...

Apart from my social blunder, the visit was quite fantastic. We were able to share about our ministry and all that God is doing through this project and others. He loved meeting the children, especially when they sang for him. He was impressed by the school and all that was going on. What an unbelievable honour!

And at the end, he came up to me again and he asked how my swahili was. This time I was able to actually speak Swahili, and not Spanish or Chinese. He was very gracious and kind and I really enjoyed getting to meet him.

Faith

As I continue to process the death of Esther, the little girl, I find myself at a place where I just simply need to trust God. God is in control. He knows what He is doing. He is good. Last night at a prayer meeting, one of the men there said that our faith grows when we do not understand something. I cannot see what God is doing but I trust Him.

A God who heals

One of the villages that I travel to quite frequently is called Magugu. Last week, I was there for a couple of days. On Friday, we went to the home of a young girl who has been very sick for about two months. I knew that she had been extremely sick and had gone back and forth to the hospital several times but had not been able to figure out what was wrong, maybe malaria, maybe AIDS, maybe ???? We wanted to visit her and pray for her. As we walked into her home, I was taken aback by what I saw. On a mattress on the floor was a little girl that had eyes that looked completely vacant. She was just skin and bones and was very unresponsive. All I could think was please God no, don't let her die, let her get better. I went there with Ezekiel, the pastor and school manager there, Lynda (head of Joshua Teachers college) and Patrick (another pastor and fiance of one of my good friends).

I must confess how little faith I have had in God healing. I know I have heard of things and even known some people but I still find myself struggling to really pray in that way. I am so full of western skepticysm. I find that I have more faith in man-made medicine then in the Creator of the Universe. I know that God is able but will He?

So, with those feelings and faulty faith, I began to pray for healing for this precious little girl. Everything in me refuses to allow this girl to stay this way on the front porch of her home gradually dying. We are all praying. Even though she has a hard time hearing and seeing, she begins to respond and turns over on her back. She tries to sit up but falls back unable. You can see life beginning to return to her eyes. What you need to know about this amazing young girl is that she was bright and determined and a leader in her class. She had a strong faith and often lead times of worship and prayer. She believes God is who He says He is unlike me.

We continue praying and eventually she sits up and we are amazed. YES! You can do it! God heal her! I find myself not really knowing what to pray or how to pray. All I know is that I want God to work, I want God to heal her. At first, I tell her that I want her to try to press her feet against my hands and she is unable, actually she can't even make a fist. We continue to pray and massage her legs and arms and gradually she begins to regain some strength.

This continues for a while and she is given some orange juice. She declares that she wants to stand! WOW! She needs help but she does it. Unbelievable. Her mother is crying, I am crying, everyone is. This sweet little girl continues to say, asante Mungu (Thank you God). She is now sitting in Patrick's lap and we continue to pray and talk to her and massage.

After a while, she is taking some steps and has light in her eyes. She is sitting up on her own in a chair. We tell her mother about nutrition and how to help get her strong. After a little while longer, we leave. I am filled with such awe and amazement. She is going to get better. I can't wait to see her at school. What does God have in store for her! WOW! I am so grateful that God has allowed me to be a part of this and see what a strong faith exists in such a small body.

Two days ago, on Thursday, I learned that she passed away. It doesn't make any sense. I thought God healed her. Even as I write this now, I can't help but cry. I know God is good but I am sad. I was in another village and had to travel to hers on Thursday night. I just cried and read my Bible. I didn't know what I was looking for or how to pray. I know that God works all things for good. I know He is sovereign and has a plan. As I was reading, God reminded me that His promise of no tears and no pain is for heaven and that is where she is now. He does not promise that this life will be without challenges, grief, and hard times but He does promise to never leave or abandon us. As I am reading all of this, I am trying to process it all but I am still struggling. She now is with her Saviour, she does not have to struggle to walk but can dance and leap for joy. This is not what I thought would happen. This, especially, is not what I thought I would experience as I prepared to come here.

When we went to the funeral yesterday, her home was surrounded by people, evidence of the many lives she touched. However, what can you do when see a child weap over the loss of another child. We needed to cover our heads and then walk in a line to pass her open casket while people sang. I didn't cry again until I began to sing with them, songs of praise. As I walked passed her casket singing about the goodness of God, I just sobbed. My heart hurt.

Once everyone had had a chance to pay their respects, we went to the cemetery. There was a long procession of cars but mostly people walking, so many children. At the burial site, several pastors gave messages and we worshipped. Those that knew her walked by her grave and took a handful of dirt and tossed it on top of her casket. We help bury her. Once again while singing to our Lord of Lords, our great God. My tears fell into the dirt that I held in my hand as I released it down into her grave.

However, I did finally get to a place where I knew that she really is in a better place. She is at home with her heavenly father. Even Paul in Phillipians says that to die is gain because it means that he will be with Christ. Heaven is real. I am still sad but now I have peace in the midst of it.

Please pray for this community. Pray that the people would see God in the midst of this tragedy. Please pray that her family would find comfort in God. Pray that God would work and be honored and glorified. Please just pray....

Don't know what to say

I just returned from a long trip. I met the President of Tanzania, what an amazing honor and went to the funeral of a twelve year old girl that I knew, which was incredibly hard. I have cried a lot the past two days and am trying to process it all. There is a lot more to say and I will share more later. Right now I am just exhausted. Love you all...

How do I respond?

Do you ever have times where you have these massive emotions well up inside of you that you do not know what to do with? I am sure every woman can relate... =) So, as you know I watched Hotel Rwanda yesterday. I had seen it before, but I still had this intense anger boil up inside of me. You know that feeling you get when you want to scream NOOOO! This isn't right! Since I was a young child, I have had a strong sense of justice. I watch movies like that or hear about things like that on the news and I want to do something about it. The problem is I am not sure what to do.

One of my favorite lines from that movie is when there is a reporter covering the genocide. He literally gets footage of people being slaughtered out in the streets. Can you imagine watching your neighbour kill another one of your neighbours? How are you ever okay again? The main character asks the reporter if this footage will make the news back in the West. When the reporter replies affirmatively, the other man is relieved because surely this means they will come to their rescue. The reporter says, "No, they will look at it and say isn't that horrible and then go on with their dinner." The Rwandan genocide happened the summer after I graduated from college. I do not have any real memory of hearing about it. I was way too self consumed.

This morning as I was driving to one of the villages, I passed a U.N. motorcade that was transporting some of the prisoners that are being taking to trial for their war crimes. The U.N. tribunal is here in Arusha and I pass it all the time. It was kind of strange feeling after seeing that movie.

Throughout the world, especially in Africa, atrocities such as these are still going on. Some not that far from where I live now. The Sudan, Zimbabwe, and others. What do I do? What can I do? How do I help? How do I fight for those who can't fight for themselves? How do you get through to people that are so full of hatred and vengeance? I do not want to stand by and do nothing.

In my car, I had one of the local teachers with me and we were discussing some of this. One thing we talked about is that you have to get to the children. They need to grow up with an understanding of who God is and His love for them. They need to have a better quality of education. It isn't a short-term fix but I pray in the long-term the children at our schools will help change the face of Africa.

Living it up!

Today is the first real day off that I have had since arriving. So, my new roommate and I are living it up. We are watching a movie on my computer, Hotel Rwanda. And, we wanted popcorn. So, I had some microwaveable popcorn sent over but no microwave so we decided to rip open the bag and try to pop it on the stove. IT WORKED!! Yippeee! A nice relaxing day!