The Land of the Living

I have finally returned to the land of the living and it feels a bit surreal. I feel like I was caught in some alternate universe and have returned to find out that the rest of the world is four days ahead of me. What am I talking about? I was a bit sick these past few days. Actually, sicker than I can ever remember. It came on pretty strong Thursday, in the middle of the night. I wanted it all so desperately to end and be better but it continued. As I was praying, I realized that I needed to pray not for a way out but for God's strength to endure and awareness of His presence and comfort while I was going through it all. His mercy was not in an instant fix but in His everlasting presence. My roommate, Julia, went over and above what any roommate should ever have to do for another and I felt so loved and blessed. Several others rallied in prayer and encouragement here. I am so thankful that God has pulled me through all that. Definitely glad that all the yuckiness is over! I am still a bit weak and get tired easily so please pray for strength as things are about to hit the ground running with all the schools starting a week from today.

Exceedingly more

At my church, we often hear the verse Ephesians 3:20, which says, "Now unto Him who is able to exceedingly more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power within us." I know God is able and I know He is good but I so rarely live life actually believing that God will do exceedingly more. As I have said countless times before, I struggle with faith in believing God and His promises. I usually think I need to pick myself up by my bootstraps and do it myself. God helps those who help themselves. I don't actually think that is in the Bible and it might be the completely opposite of what God tells us. I know for a fact that it is the opposite of what God has done for me.

As many of you know, I have been hard at work studying Swahili. I am so thankful for God's grace and provision as I struggle to learn this language. I have often prayed for God's help in learning the language. But nothing really more than that. I never really prayed for who would be my swahili teacher or anything else along those lines. So, you want to see exceedingly more I will show you exceedingly more. My swahili teacher is not only an amazing teacher that has helped me learn this language so quickly but she is an amazing woman who loves the Lord. She has become a mentor to me spiritually as well as linguistically and culturally. She regularly prays for me and has such a strong faith in God. She believes what she says. She challenges me, encourages me, loves me, and supports me. Never once did I pray for this. But God, in his goodness provided.

Next in line is the teacher situation. We have been in desperate need for teachers in many of our villages. Finding qualified teachers is difficult. Finding teachers who are willing to live in the villages instead of the city is even more difficult. Finding teachers who are strong Christians and want to teach as a ministry in a way that is different from the government is just about impossible. Enter my lack of faith once again.... Mwika is the village that has a large amount of AIDS orphans. If you go there once an visit those children, you will never be the same again. I thought we could find teachers, but I figured that they would not be all that good and I would be spend a lot of time training and helping them. No faith! Exceedingly more strikes again! We had a teacher who had graduated from JTTC (The Christian Teachers College) approach us about a job. Never in a million years did I think we would find someone from there. They all already have jobs. The other two women are strong and experienced as well. Last Friday, we took them to Mwika to see the village to see the pastor and the school. While I sat and watched them interact, I was blown away. They so quickly bonded together and lots of ideas and plans. When they saw the school and the children, each of the woman expressed her excitement about coming. God did so much more than I could ever have asked or imagined.

I could go on and on, but I won't.... God is so good. As I look back over this year and my life in general, I am so grateful and humbled. Thank you all so much for being a part of this with me!

Merry Christmas!

Not so different....

Yesterday, I traveled to Karansi. What a wonderful day! Every time I go out to the villages, I feel so encouraged. Being with the teachers and the children brings me so much joy. As we were driving out there yesterday, we got caught behind a very slow car that did not seem to have a lot of confidence. When we finally passed her, the driver said, "Oh.. yeye ni msichana," which means she is a female. Even in another country on the other side of the world, women get a bad name as drivers.

Once we arrived at the school and unloaded all the school supplies, I decided to play with the children. Since school is already out, the children are just hanging around, playing soccer and other games. I went into one of the classrooms where several girls from 5th and 6th grade were playing. I couldn't help but laugh when I realized they were playing make believe. One group of girls was a bad family, the other was a good family. They pretended to be cooking, cleaning, and getting ready. They even pretended to be to have conversations as husband and wife, in the bad family the husband was very mean and drank too much. That part was a little sad....

So, yesterday, I felt overwhelmed by differences, but today by God's grace I was able to see the similiarities. Men still think women can't drive. Women still get defensive about it. Children still play make believe. We are all created by the same God.

By the way, I was able to have long conversations about work and life, joke with the teachers, and in general just communicate ALL IN SWAHILI!!! Praise the Lord!

Efficiency vs. Relationship

As I am sure many of you know, different cultures also mean different ways of communicating. Miscommunication happens often enough in America. Now, imagine living in a different culture, with completely different backgrounds, different education, different language, different everything. Unfortunately, I usually assume that all is well and that because I said it, they understood it. And, I have learned that is not actually the case. Things are interpereted very different here. Not only that, but also indirect communication is the method of choice. In case you are not sure, I am very type A, direct, and task oriented. As an engineer, I value efficiency above all else. Anybody else see some potential for disasters!

Recently, I finished a book called "Cross Cultural Conflict." It is excellent and I highly recommend it and I plan to read it again. The author offers valuable insight on cultures that value indirect communication and he points out again and again how common it is in the Bible. Jesus often used indirect communication especially through parables. So, I have to eat some humble pie and realize that is me that needs to change. Since I definitely struggle with speaking first and talking later, learning to change how I communicate is difficult. I prefer for life to be one big calculus problem that I can solve, but life is much more like art. I was never all that good at art, can't even draw good stick figures.

God's call for me to be in Tanzania is very likely about growing and refining me. I have a lot to learn...

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Ok, actually not at all, especially for a northern hemisphere girl. Many of you out there have yet to have the privelege of meeting my mom. She does nothing in moderation. I know that some of you are thinking that the apple does not fall far from the tree, but let me tell you, she makes me look tame. All that to say, Christmas decorations. YOWSERS! My mom decorates everything! I think there are at least two trees and every ornament that I ever made over 20 years ago is on that tree. Every ornament is a memory to my mom. Even our bathrooms get decorated. Now, let's move from the inside to the outside. Clark W. Griswald got all of his tips from my dad! I love our house and the beautiful lights. We even usually drive around all the neighborhoods to see the lights. Being cold, drinking hot cocoa,sitting by the fire listening to Christmas carols is definitely one of my all time favorite past times. As we all know, you could not go anywhere and not find Christmas decorations or Christmas music if you wanted.

By this time every year, my mom is about to lose her mind from baking way too many batches of cookies, I have gained at least five pounds from all of the Christmas parties, my dad is going into withdrawal because football season is coming to an end, phone bills are especially high because of calling family, and I just feel crazy and tired from the flurry of Christmas activity.

So, here's the question... Without all of that, how do I make it feel like Christmas? It is strange, I don't really know what to do. It is not so much about being homesick as it is just feeling like things are a bit surreal.

Last night, I heard a man share about how Christmas really is about being a stranger. Mary and Joseph traveled from their home, so did the wise men, and the others. And, of course, Christ, left his home to come to earth to redeem us. So, as I struggle through trying to make sense out of my feelings, I feel blessed to know I am in good company.

Let's Get this Party Started!

I must admit that there have been times when the idea of worshipping God for the rest of my life in heaven sounded a little boring. The idea of sitting on a cloud holding a harp did not make my heart go pitter patter... As I have learned more about the nature of God and about heaven, I have definitely learned that there is no need to worry, life in heaven will not be boring! Worshipping God is not just about singing, it is so much more than that. God gave us adrenaline for a reason. I have often wondered if He gave man the idea for roller coasters for a reason. Will there be some really fast, high, loopy ones up in heaven or will that feeling of adventure and excitement come in other ways? I am not sure. But, back to the point....

I have to say though my idea of singing and worshipping God has definitely changed. I enjoy singing, especially when in a crowd and no one can hear my voice but God. Trust me! That is how it should be. =) However, worshipping has just been singing for me, occasionally I have gotten a little wild and swayed side to side a bit, but nothing more. Our churches are not designed for dancing and why would we. OH! Are we missing out! I just returned from a three day retreat with the Imara staff and every session began with praise and worship. You could not contain them if you wanted to. They know that God finds joy in them. The freedom to worship God in any way is so refreshing. I must confess that I have started to call it worship aerobics! Hilarious. They have so much fun singing and dancing and they even let rythmless white people like me dance along! They worship God with everything they have, with all their heart and there is no holding them back. They dance and jump and sing and have just have a whole lot of fun! Maybe in my time here, I will finally get some rhythm! But, I love the total and completel freedom and reckless abandon in worshipping our great and mighty God!

Toto I don't think we are in Kansas anymore

I just love the Wizard of Oz. I think I probably watched it one too many times as a kid. As you can imagine there have been multiple times here that I have been aware that things are just a bit different. I have often chuckled to myself and thought I am definitely not in Kansas anymore. This past weekend was definitely one of those moments. We were meeting with the children and deciding who would be in our school. As we met with the children, the parents or really just mothers sat off to the side waiting to take their children home. In the "carpool line". The women were all sitting together under a tree talking. Of course these women are all Masaai, so they are one of many wives in their respective bomas (or group of homes). They are decorated with lots of beaded jewelry, no shoes or tire shoes, wearing an outfit that is mostly a blanket. As I looked at them and how different they are, I couldn't help but think that they are just like parents in the States. They love their children and want a good education so that life can improve. So many differences, but so many similiarities.

By the way, I haven't clicked my heels three times yet and said "There is no place like home." But I have a feeling if I did, I would open my eyes and still be here because for now this is my home. What a blessing.

PS The internet has not been at its best lately! Sorry for the delay in posting.

Here comes Santa Claus

Do you ever have one of those moments, where you feel like now I have heard everything? Throughout my short stint here in Africa, there have been multiple times where I feel blown away by the ridiculous. Things are so different: wonderful, strange, and very interesting at times. This past weekend, the international school had a Christmas craft fair. We decided to go and check it out. As we were walking around looking at things, we continued to hear announcements about Santa Claus and for the kids not to leave before they got to see him. You could see the excitement of the kids. The time came and went that Santa was supposed to arrive. A woman would come on the loud speaker and apologize and say that Santa is on his way, but he is just a very busy man. Finally, she got on and said he should be here any moment. Apparently the dala dala, a very tiny little bus with a capacity for 12 people that usually has at least 30, hit a cow on the way. The police had to come. Santa had run out of money. (It is typical here for people to only have just what they need, nothing extra). So, the police had to give Santa money to catch another dala dala the rest of the way! I am pretty sure I have never heard that one before!

Lost in another world

Arusha has recently hit the big time! That's right, we have a movie theatre! I think the presence of the United Nations and their hunger for entertainment has benefitted the rest of us. Each week it plays one western movie and one Bollywood movie. Very exciting. Of course, the movies are not always quality but beggars cannot be choosers! Last week, we went to see a good movie. It was nice feel good, romantic comedy. After the movie ended and we walked out of the theatre, I realized that I was in Africa. I had gotten so absorbed that I completely forgot. The fact that I live in a developing country had completely left my mind. Then, I felt a little sad. I miss America. I loved my life there. So many times over the past few years, I would stop and be overwhelmed with all the ways that God had blessed me. An amazing job that I loved and felt passionate about that had the best people to work for and work with; a wonderful church where I felt invested in and strong community; quality friends that knew me and loved me, my fantastic family that is way too much fun; and so much more.

I was not running away from life in America. Anything but... The only reason I came is because I know that God called me here. I am exactly where He wants me to be. When the days are long or I feel completely useless or I feel like I have taken ten steps backward, I cling to that truth. God knows what he is doing. He is sovereign. And, what is even more amazing is that He has given me such a love for the people here and I feel so overwhelmed at times with all the ways He has blessed me here. I guess God's blessings are dependent on location, He follows you everywhere!

Happy Turkey day!

I cannot believe that Thanksgiving has already come and gone. The day kind of came out of nowhere. Without the changing the leaves and cold weather, I think I would often forget that it is fall season which is definitely my favorite time of year. Since most of the people I work with are Tanzanians and the rest are from other western countries, no one else took the day off of work. However, Julia and I decided that we were definitely not going to work on the yummiest of all holidays.

This Thanksgiving looked nothing like any other Thanksgiving I have ever had. We did not have turkey, stuffing, Dad's famous cranberry sauce, my brother's favorite green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, or my favorite pecan pie. We were not with family or even with a big group of people: it was simply Julia and I. Without the usual comforts and delights of this wonderful day, we decided to do something completely different: go hike up to a waterfall. Enjoying God's creation seemed like the best plan possible. The night before when we returned home late from one of the villages, we discovered our car was in pieces... again. The mechanic had to do a lot of work on it and it would not be ready for several days. So, no transportation.

So, what to do... Julia and I slept in a bit and then went to one of the nice hotels in town and had a buffet breakfast. Mmmmm.... so yummy. Afterwards we walked around town a bit and eventually ended up underneat a huge tree sitting on the grass. As we sat there, we shared various stories of God's faithfulness through the years. We told amazing tales of God's goodness, provision, and love. What a sweet time!

Then, we returned home, watched a movie on our computer and made some homemade spaghetti. To give us a taste of the holiday, we made butternut squash with some cinnamon and pumpkin spice. Very good!

While processing through day, I could not help but be overwhelmed with thankfulness for all that God has done for me. How funny that this Thanksgiving looked so different and it was the first time that I think that I really got it....

I hope you all had a wonderful day!

Blessings!

One of my favorite scriptures is Malachi 3:10 which says, "'Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,' says the LORD Almighty, 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.'" As I sat at church on Sunday that is nothing more than some pieces of wood on some tree posts with tarps for a roof overlooking a stunning view of a beautiful hillside, I realized all that God had done for me this past week and felt overwhelmed. He is always looking out for me. He is always caring for me and working on my behalf. I can trust Him.

While admiring God's beautiful creation, I couldn't help but realize all the ways that He has blessed me this week and those are just things that I see and do not include the million things that I did not see. Probably not a suprise to most, but I am a bit of a people person and relationships are of utmost importance to me. Developing relationships takes time especially when you are the new kid on the block. Monday was when I felt like my world was crashing down on me. Tuesday night, a friend that has been hear for several years came by for dinner. We have tried for several months but our traveling schedules never matched. What a blessing to hear from someone that I am normal and this is part of the process. Wednesday night, Julia, my lovely roommate and I went out with a friend from work for dinner and a movie on the lawn. It was fun to do something social. Thursday night, we went to the home of one of the project managers and visited with him and his family. Saturday night, a good friend came over. She is returning back to the UK soon and it was sooooo good to have quality time with her. Finally, Sunday, what a blessing to worship with Tanzanians and to see so many of the people that I work with in a social setting.

Throughout this past week, there have been uncountable ways that God has shown me that He will not leave me or abandon me. He loves me and will always be there. I cannot tell you how much the prayers and words of encouragement have meant to me at a time when I did not think that I would make it another day. I am so overwhelmed by your love and support. Ninakushukuru sana!

Light Bulb moment

Do you ever have one of those moments where the light bulb turns on and things start to make more sense? You see how things fit together or you see why you have been feeling a certain way. I have definitely been struggling lately for various reasons, one of those reasons has been the language. My relationships can not go deep unless I speak their language. I miss parts of conversations, things take longer, and people are much less likely to listen to me and respect me when I speak in English and use a translator. As I think many of you know, I have been praying that I will be able to converse with ease by Christmas time. I want that click to happen where I do not have to translate everything in my head and I can have deep and meaningful conversations with others. I know that I will acheive fluency by that time but I hope to be well on my way. I began praying that some time this summer and felt like it was from the Lord.

Throughout these past months, I felt like I have made significant progress. I am definitely able to speak a lot more but lately I feel like I am on a plateau and the progression has not been as great. I have begun to doubt God and His faithfulness, even though time and time and time again He has showed me that He is faithful and good.

While I was driving my tutor home yesterday, I had a light bulb moment. Because right now, I can't speak like I hope to in six weeks, I assume that means God isn't faithful. He has not already done what I have prayed will happen in the future. I don't see how it can happen. I feel so far. Then it clicked, Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Having faith in God, means trusting Him even when it doesn't make sense even when it seems impossible. So right now, I am trusting by faith that God will finish the work He has begun. It is not about me, but about Him. I have worried, stressed, freaked out, and so much more over the language. God is able. I can trust Him. He is there.

Would you please pray that I would keep my eyes focused on Him, that He would grow my faith, and that He would continue to deepen my trust?

Survival of the fittest

If Darwinism really existed, I am not sure that my kind would have survived. We would have been extinct long, long ago. We typically like to pretend that we can handle everything and not pay attention to the warning signs. We could be in a room with a Cobra that is about to attack and not realize because we are lost in our thoughts. We tend to be very black and white unlike most of the world. We tend to not be that patient even though most of the world needs to time to think and process. We tend to not be very gentle even though the people respond better to a gentle touch. We tend to value efficiency over relationships. My species might have survived in the west, but definitely not in Africa. They all would have died off with the dinosaurs. But, still,... I am here.

I am learning that I need to be the one to change and adjust but that I also need to realize what I can and cannot handle and make adjustments accordingly. I went for run yesterday morning. Man, did that feel good. Of course my legs today are a little sore. I haven't gone running since I got here because I get stared enough and I did not want to be this strange white woman going for a run in a country where most people have to walk miles everyday. But, I decided I have to do it. I need to exercise. I need to be able to clear my head even though it is strange culturally. I want to do the best I can to adapt and fit in culturally but I need to recognize that I am still American and that will never change and I need to do some things even if it is considered strange. I am praying and processing through a lot of things to try and figure out what I need to do to help myself.

On Monday, I felt like a sinking ship. I felt like I was going down quickly and I was gasping for air. Today, I feel like my boat is afloat and but still has holes. I am trying to find those holes and repair them so that I can continue sailing through here. Thank you all so much for your prayers they are keeping me afloat!

Not as strong as I thought...

Do you ever keep on going and just hope that you will be strong enough to handle things? I want to be able to handle things. I do not want to be weak. I do want to be a burden to others. I want to just suck it up, have a good attitude, and perservere. Do you have times where you think it will be fine tomorrow, just keep going? I am not sure that that is actaully dealing with things. Oh well. I usually prefer to pretend rather than be honest. Did you know that it is hard to be far from home, to be far from everything that is familiar, far from family and friends and even my puppy dog, far from help? It is a bit harder than I expected. I grew up overseas. I have traveled a lot. I have been on lots of mission trips. I did foreign exchange programs. I have even been a missionary for a year before. Surely, I should be able to handle all of this. I knew that things will be difficult, but I am tough I can handle it. But apparently, I am not so tough... I am not sure what to say or how to ask you to pray but please pray. Right now more than anything I want to go home see my parents, curl up on the couch with my dog, go on a bike ride with my dad, hang out with my brothers and their families, and laugh with old friends who have known me for years and love me for who I am knowing all my faults. I think this is more than homesickness though. I am not sure.

Marriage is what brings us together today

Okay, mom, breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. I am not talking about me... Well, sort of, but not really. For those of you that do not recognize that quote, it is from one of the all time best movies and books, "Princess Bride". I highly recommend it. It is the scene where Princess Buttercup is being forced to marry Prince Humperdink. Really, would you want to be Mrs. Humperdink. I think not!

Back to my point, marriage. I haven't actually been married. I hope that I can really say that I haven't been married yet! We'll see. So, if you happen to know a VERY tall, ruggledly handsome, Jesus loving, funny man that has the patience of a saint... But I am getting off topic again. Can you tell that I was ADD as a child?

What I am getting at is that I think being a missionary is a little like being married. Of course, this is all speculation but I have had about 14 roommates get married so this is based on some of what I have heard.

My first couple of trips were like dating. You meet the person and you instantly feel a connection. You can tell that there is something different, something special. You definitely want to pursue this relationship. You get to know them better and really enjoy them. They have quirky cute little habits. As you pray about them, you feel like God is brining you together. Eventually, you feel complete peace and know that God is calling you two together. So, you take the plunge. In my case, you move across the world.

Next, is the the honeymoon stage. You are so excited about the newness. Everything is wonderful. You see each other every day and you don't really care that they make funny sounds and chew with their mouth open. It's okay that they do things differently than you thought. You know that you are exactly where God wants you to be.

But, then the honeymoon ends and you realize to make this work it is going to take a lot of work. To have a successful, God honoring relationship will take a lot of effort, time, patience, compromise, sacfrifice, humility, persistence, love, and so much more. You go deeper and you see underneath the surface. You see the hurt, pains, ugliness, junk and everything else. Loving someone at this level takes commitment and the love of God. You are definitely aware at this point that they are not perfect and those quirky little habits are not so cute anymore. But you still know you are exactly where God wants you to be.

I can relate a lot to those feelings. As I go deeper in my understanding of the people and the culture and what it takes to work here, I realize that I am exactly where God wants me to be but it will take work.

Finishing the Race

I have always been excellent at starting things but finishing them has never been my strength. I start with such gusto but quickly fade away. So, I do actually like to finish things but that requires details. ARGH! Definitely not my favorite thing. Isn't that what husbands are for? But I digress, let me bring it back to the point. Swahili! Did you know that it is actually quite difficult to achieve fluency in a language especially if you have tendencies towards impatience? I made some great progress early on in the process but now that I actually want to be fluent, I feel so far away. It feels like I will never get there. I doubt my ability to finish what I have started, my track record is not all that good. We have devotions at the office every morning and I find myself more focused on trying to understand the Swahili than the message. I study myself to sleep every night and usually study while eating breakfast. I feel so anxious to master this language and be able to communicate with ease.

Some fun pictures!

Special Perks

I don't know about you, but I always thought that missionaries should get special perks from God. You know like the stoplights always being green when you pull up, never having car troubles, ATM's always working, and certainly, under no circumstances should any missionary have GREY hair! Last night, my roommate, Julia and I were hanging out with a friend when they noticed a very long, very grey hair. Can you believe it! This is not supposed to happen. I thought for sure that being a missionary was the gateway to eternal youth. So, just in case any of you weren't sure: life is still very ordinary as a missionary. I have grey hair. My car is outside right now being repaired for the umpteenth time; I usually have to go to three or four ATMs to find one that works or that has not run out of money and we have one traffic light in town and it is never green! Oh Well.... =) God is still good! He shows that in so many ways even though I have grey hair.

Proud accomplishments

So, years from now I hope that there will be things that I will think of fondly remembering how God worked both through me and in me. However, I have to say that one of my proudest accomplishments will be teaching the children of Africa to give me five and say "Alright" with a little bit of attitude. I had so much fun yesterday playing with the children. We were in Likamba taking pictures of the children as we start up our child sponsorship program there and I just couldn't help myself. As others were working, I sang and danced with them. When they sing, they usually do lots of fun dance moves. One of my favorites is about the elephant who wants to ride the bus. He can't get in and they ask why, why, why? He says, because I'm too big, because I'm too big. While doing this, cute little five year olds wiggle their bottoms back and forth and put their hands to their heads in exasperation while singing. Hilarious! Why work when you can play with kids....

We did get all of our work done, mom, so don't worry. I am not a total slacker! =)

Without vision the people will perish

Some of you may know that I teach part time at Joshua Teachers training college here in Arusha. It is a Christan college and I think the only one in all of Tanzania. However, the biggest difference is that we encourage the students to teach differently, to love the children, nurture them, challenge them, help them, and so much more. So often here, education can be rote. I think that the government would like to see that change but for now often you have teachers that only teach at the front of the class and the students simply imitating and memorizing. We want these teachers to have their children discover, be curious, and love learning. Most of the teachers at the Imara schools were trained there and fourteen out of the current 26 students will go to Imara schools.

I have loved my time there. It is so exciting to be a part of what God is doing at JTTC. Since the beginning of this term, I have started doing something different with the teachers as we begin class. Each day, we pray for a different country. They have been shocked to learn that all westerners are not Christians and what it is like in other countries. It has been such a powerful time to pray for others and as we pray, we pray for the students that they will one day teach. I am so overwhelmed as I hear them pray that maybe some of their students will be missionaries to the Sudan, Italy, Nepal, and other places. Today, we talked about that white missionaries are not what the Sudan needs but fellow Africans to bring them the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ. These future teachers will help change their nation, transform it, and bring it out of poverty. The students that they teach will have such a large impact not only in Tanzania but in all Africa and even throughout the world. Investing in the lives of these future teachers has been such a blessing. I am so thankful for all the opportunities that God has given me!

Do you see what I see?

Throughout my short stint here so far, there have been mulitple times where I have thought I wish I had my camera. I have even thought having my own reality TV show. I could be on the travel channel... =) Not really but sometimes I have no idea how to properly capture what I am seeing through words. I have thought it would be good to put a camera on the steering wheel and ride around one day.

With so much to say about the everyday life it is hard to know where to start. The transportation is always a bit humourous. We have buses everywhere that are more like minivans which are called daladalas. I have ridden in them a few times and I had no real concept of what it meant for a vehicle to be overcrowded until that time. Just when you think that no more people can fit, five more get on. One time, we were walking to get on one of them and another guy recruiting for his daladala came up. He was leaving sooner so we decided to take that one. Innocent decision. No big deal, right? WRONG! A huge all out fist fight and brawl quickly interrupted between the two recruiters. We learned our lesson on that one. When you are driving, these buses weave in and out of traffic and stop often so you have to learn to pass them. So our two lane road really becomes a three lane or sometimes four lane road.

In addition to daladalas, safari vehicles, and regular trucks and cars, you have a ride array of carts and bicycles. These carts are packed full of everything from sodas, concrete blocks, shoes, rice, tires to people, children, water, and so much more. The men that pull these have arms and legs of steel. I never cease to be amazed at how much they are able to carry. Now onto the bicycles. What they can carry on the back in unbelievable! Most recently I saw a man carrying at least fifty bottles of oil on his back, you see shoes, giant jugs of water, and of course people. You can even catch a bike taxi and pay someone to give you a ride. How fun!

It's all about perspective

I traveled to the village, Likamba last week. I have been there many times and every time I go there all I see is grey. It feels like the sun does not shine there. The school is in the middle of nowhere in the hills in a Massai community. The road to the village seems like it could collapse at any moment because it is surrounded by giant lanes of holes. Following the road can be tricky at times. When you get there, you see two grey buildings that have significant cracks from all of the earthquakes that we have been having. Even though the buildings are relatively new, they have the appearance of age. Inside the classrooms are grey concrete floors and grey concrete walls. They appear hard to keep clean especially since the children have to travel far (some two hours) to get to school in the dirt and mud. Without enough classrooms, one of the classes is forced to meet in an office. You have thirty small children cramped into a small little room. The uniforms that the children have are barely holding themselves together. They are all hand-me-downs. Some of had to roll up the pants because they are too long, others are so short they look like shorts. There are holes and tears in every outfit. The giant holes in the sweaters are held together by a string tied in a knot. Zippers are not uncommon even though there is clearly a need for them. Then, you look at their feet. Over half do not have socks. Almost all have shoes but many of them look their heels have mouths because part of the shoe has fallen off. Some children even have shoes that are way too big for their little feet. When you take a closer look, you realize that many of the children have probably not showered in a long time. They have a layer of dirt with cracking skin and sometimes fungus on their head. Many of their eyes show signs of malnutrition. Their exercise books are meager and the pencils are nothing more than nubs. Paper or other supplies are too much of a luxury that they cannot afford. The teachers themselves have to take several buses and then walk an hour to get to school. Their only meal is cup full of grey porridge.

When you consider all of this, life seems grey. However, you only need to spend about a minute with one of the children to realize that is not what they see. They see hope. They see a teacher that loves them and cares for them and shows them tenderness. They see teachers that love them so much that they are willing to travel that far to teach them. They see that they have a whole outfit of their own and shoes which doubles the size of their wardrobe. They see fun in learning and what it opens up to them. They see a meal that they might not get otherwise. They are amazed at the cracks because God saved the buildings. They see shoes that allow them to run back and forth and play with each other. They see pencils that allow them to put down their ideas, thoughts, and answers. They see classrooms that are places where it is safe and they can laugh and giggle. They see a place of opportunity instead of a place of fear. They do not see their school as the middle of nowhere but rather a place that is the beginning of somewhere. Huge smiles consume their faces and brighten their malnutrious eyes. They don't see a classroom as too small but just right so they can sit closer to their friends.

At the end of every day, I see all of these precious children lined up singing praise and worship for God's goodness, love, and provision. It's all about perspective.....

Cats and Brothers

My little brother is not so little anymore. He can even carry a person out of a burning building! Go little bro! Anyway, I digress. Last week, my brother and I chatted on yahoo messenger, what a wonderful invention! My younger brother has beat me to the altar so he likes to give me a hard time about my continued state of singleness. He has often teased me about ending up with a lot of cats as I get older. So, as we were talking he asked about the situation. He said, that since I live in Africa if the cats will be lions, cheetahs, and leopards..... Little brothers!

By the way... I am a dog person....

Great is Thy Faithfulness

I am not sure about you but I am pretty good at doubting God and forgetting His faithfulness and what He has done for me in the past. Our pastor at Perimeter calls it brain leakage. I so often find myself focusing on the problem instead of God. I don't know why. I know better. I have learned but still.....
So here is the latest display of God's faithfulness. In about three weeks, I am homeless. Well, that's a lie. I will actually have a home until the end of November but will not have any furniture. And, when I say no furniture, I mean nothing, zip, zilch, nada, not even a spoon, a cup, a fork, a bed, a refrigerator, a couch, NOTHING! The house that we are staying in is nice but the location is definitely not ideal so we decided to look at other places. I quickly began to panic. All I could think about is the fact that I have no time to look for a place to live. My schedule is too full. I am supposed to travel. There is no way this can work out. Plus, I don't have time to buy all the furniture and household items, plus I did not raise the support for this. I had heard that we could get a furnished apartment but that still did not mean cups, forks, and other household items. I do not have time for this! So many places are so expensive so much more expensive than I had planned for.
So, needless to say I was not relying on God. No trust. I don't know why. The situation seemed impossible to me.
I came home early from one of the villages and ended up having Friday free. Craziness! We looked at some places with the help of a local. We looked at several places, but they weren't great and expensive and some were far but I figured they would be okay and at least we were able to find a place. Then, we went to the last house. It was a house and not an apartment. It was beautiful and a great garden in the back. The inside felt homey and had great furniture plus cups, forks, and a whole bunch more than any other place. The location was great, about five minutes from the office without really bad, bumpy roads. They had guards and dogs which are a great safety help. It was so much nicer than any other place and we really loved it. We were afraid to ask the price.... $200 a month cheaper than the other places! Can you believe it! Unbelievable. Julia and I both knew and the more we learned about the place the more we were in awe of all the ways God provides. INSANE!
Why do I doubt Him! God is faithful, always! He is always working. I am so overwhelmed by his goodness, provision, care, tenderness, and love for me.

The Pied Piper

Last week, I spent several days in one of the villages called Mairowa. We will be starting school there this January, so I spent time there visiting some of the local nursery schools that are hosted by churches and talking with the social worker and pastors. One of the schools is a mud hut with a dirt floor. The benches that the children sit on are just simply branches from a tree. I will never complain about wobbly desks again! =)

Saturday is feeding day. The children gradually trickle in until they get lunch around 1pm. As we were waiting for more of the children to arrive, I just sat on the ground surrounded by children who just simply wanted to touch my funky looking white skin. I think they wanted to see if it would rub off. They could not get enough of my hair and the way it moves so easily. The girls would play with it, comb their fingers through it, and just fluff it up. At one point, I had a little girl sitting in my lap while the rest of the kids were playing around me. I leaned my head over and had my hair fall on her head so it looked she was wearing a mzungu wig. The children squealed with delight.

Later on in the morning, I needed to send a text message that was important. However, Mairowa iko porini, Mairowa is in the bush. So cellphone service is a bit allusive. I did learn that there are some spots where if you hold your phone just right you can pick up a signal. I was not sure where the main spot was, but I was told that I could not miss it. I needed to walk a ways to find the spot and the children inisited on going with me. As I walked up the hill, more children began to follow the strange colored white woman. After a while, I did indeed find the spot. X marks the spot. Literally! There is a little mound of dirt by a tree where the grass has been completely worn down because that is where everyone goes to use their cell phones!

While I was sending the message, more children were walking by to head down to the project for the feeding. The big eyes and silly giggles are just too fun sometimes. Now, that I have learned a little swahili, I love to start speaking to the children. The open mouth stares of astonishment are hilarious. The mzungu speaks our language! They cannot believe it. So, I start to head back down towards the school area where the feeding is. I have now acquired a pretty hefty crowd. I have kids hanging onto every finger fighting for a chance to hold my hand. I begin to skip and so do they. I begin to sing and they just laugh and laugh and begin to join in. I begin to run and flap my arms like a bird and my little fan club follows suit. I feel like the pied piper. What a blast! The children and I can barely breathe because of laughing and running.

I love Africa!

The AIDS epidemic

I have to tell you that the AIDS epidemic has always seemed like this far away horrible thing. I found it so easy to live in my little American bubble. The disease, famine, and poverty did not have an impact on my life really. You hear some of the horrible stories and all of the children that die and you feel sad. However, I have to tell you that the death of this one child hurt more than hearing about the thousands of others. It isn't this epidemic that only affects Africa anymore to me. It is the disease that caused this one, precious boy to suffer and lose his life. It isn't something that is out there, far away, that you read about in a newspaper. It is now about a boy that I played with, laughed with, ate with, and who I cried for.

The funeral was on Monday afternoon. I had meetings that morning and things to do and I just did them. I thought in the back of my mind that I am okay because I knew that he had AIDS and that this was inevitable. I had already come to terms with the fact that he was not going to get better. I know that he is a Christian and I know that He is with Jesus now in heaven. I will be fine, of course I am sad but I have just dealt with this already. As I got closer to his home where the funeral was, I thought that my chest was going to cave in from the pressure. It hurt so bad. My heart hurt so bad. Even now, I am just hurt. I quickly learned that I had not dealt with it. I was simply in task mode. As I drove up, I was overwhelmed by the hundreds of people that had gathered for his funeral. I was not expecting that at all. The pastor gave a great message on the value of his life and the reality of his faith in Christ. It was a very powerful time as so many people heard the good news of the gift of grace that Jesus offers us all. We sat and listened to the message for about an hour and once again I thought I was okay. Then, they opened the casket for people to walk by and view. All breath left my body. I couldn't believe it. There was my friend Samweli. HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! How can this be! He was supposed to live. He was supposed to live a normal life. He was supposed to get better. This doesn't make any sense. I felt so overwhelmed. I was sitting next to his aunt who has helped care for him. I just held her and cried. Even know, I can picture him lying in the casket in his best suit wearing this hat that he always had on. He looked peaceful. I know that he no longer has to be in pain, in fear, in despair. I know that life is better now for him. But, I loved him and selfishly, I wanted to him to stay here longer. They buried him behind the group of houses. When we walked up to his grave to lay the wreath there, I just cried. The missionary family that has been taking care of him were absolutely wonderful. I am so thankful that they have allowed me to be a part of Samweli's life with them.
The next day I went over to their house to visit and I found myself about to ask if Samweli was around. I thought I could go visit. I had forgotten that he had died. I am not really sure how to process all of this. I think I am learning about the importance of clinging to Jesus. Thank you all for your prayers.

My friend...

I have shared about my friend, Samuel, before. I had the amazing opportunity of building a friendship with him in the short amount of time that I have been here. He was a fourteen year old boy that had AIDS. He died yesterday afternoon. I am still in shock and I don't feel like I really believe it. I went to his home to visit his aunt and grandmother and I cried as soon as I saw them. But I still find myself struggling to comprehend it and process it. I knew in the back of my mind that he was going to die. He had AIDS. You know it but I thought it would be later. I thought he would still grow up. Are children supposed to die?



The funeral is tomorrow. Please pray that God would use this in the lives of his family and the rest of the community that he lives in. Pray for the American missionary family that has helped to take care of him. Pray that God would be glorified in the midst of this tragedy.

I will write more later but right now I feel numb....

Yo, yo pops, wassup old man?

So those greetings would not be considered culturally appropriate here. As I learn the culture more, I have come to realize how important greetings are here. You ask how they are, their children, family, health, etc. What is the news? Greetings are so important to them that they even do it while driving. During the day, they flash their headlights at each other as a way of greeting one another.

If they are older, you always greet them specifically and say, shikamoo, which means I give you my respect. They respond back with I take your respect. You can see a young business man saying, shikamoo, to a man who is a street cleaner simply because he is older. They value age so much. To them age is a sign of wisdom and experience and that should be honored.

Recently, we had the head of Imara's Mercy department and his family over for dinner. His daughters arrived first. When he walked in, they both said Shikamoo to their father and greeted him formally. I thought oh no! My dad never needs to see this! =) I tackle my dad with a hug and comment on his gray hair and say what's up old man? I told them that and their eyes got very big. So, umm.... dad, if you are reading this, shikamoo. =)

Say what!

Do you ever have those moments where you not only confuse others but even yourself? I hope I am not the only one....

Well, one evening recently, I was sitting around the dinner table with some friends: a tanzanian, and a couple from New Zealand. The wife speaks fluent spanish which made me think about that language. I cannot remember what we were talking about, all I remember is that I said. "una pensar nini ma?" Which is swahili spanish swahili and then, are you ready for this, CHINESE! I totally jumbled everything! I was trying to say, what do you think in swahili? I would say I am confused but that is nimechanganyakiwa! Try saying that five times fast! Yowsers!

The Monkey and the fish

I heard this story recently and thought I would share it.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a monkey. This monkey actually lived on an island. One day there was torrential rains that never seemed to end and the island began to flood. The rain and the waters kept coming and coming until one day, the monkey was left with only a little bit of land and one tree. As he was sitting up in his tree, he noticed another animal in the water. It was moving back and forth. The monkey was so worried about the little animal and wanted to rescue it. So, the monkey risked its own life to go out to the end of the branch and snatch the animal out of the water to prevent it from drowning. He put the animal on the ground to dry out under the sun and get warm. The animal flopped around and the monkey thought he looked so happy and was jumping around in excitement. Then, the animal was lying perfectly still and the monkey thought it looked so peaceful. Of course, the animal was a fish.....

So, the moral of the story... I think I can often have good intentions and want to help but sometimes I just make things worse because I do not really understand the people that I am trying to help. Would you please pray that I would listen to God and be patient and not come in with my western ways? Would you pray that I would learn the culture here and understand how to minister effectively? I DO NOT WANT TO KILL THE FISH!

Karate Kid

Watching all those Karate Kid movies, and the one year of karate lessons when I was nine finally paid off! Before you have a heart attack mom, I fought with the door not a person. =) The gate to our house was stuck. It is this big metal door designed to keep us safe. The door was stuck and we could not get it unstuck, so I needed to do something to get enough force to dislodge it. With visions of the Karate Kid dancing in my head, I kicked it hard and there you go, door opened! HIYA!

Lies, Lies, Lies

Do you ever believe lies? You know those lies that you are not good enough; or that someone else could do a better job; or why can't you handle that? I find myself so afraid to admit that I can't handle something because I think that other people can and I am just being a big baby! Sometimes I feel afraid to ask for prayer in the trivial things because people will think of less of me and think that I am weak. I am afraid that if I admit that I need help that people will not think that I can do the job and will not ask me to be a part of something again. LIES! Do you struggle with that? I think if I am honest I halfway expected to come here and all my old struggles would stay back in America where they belong. What I have found is that I think my strengths stayed back there! Africa has an amazing way of revealing all of your weaknesses for the world to see.

I think that seeing these lies is powerful because now I can fight them with truth. I am so overwhelmed by all of your prayers. What a powerful testimony of the power of prayer. I was so afraid to post my need for prayer in the trivial, ordinary things of life. When you deal with poverty, death, and need here it seemed silly to ask for prayer for me and being overwhelmed. The response of prayer and encouragement has been so good. God is sufficient. He is able! He is here to meet all my needs even the small needs. Thank you all so much!

By the way, I have been out in villages and have not had internet access that is why there has been such a long time between posts.

The Wrong Way to be Right

As I travel to the various villages, we usually have a driver that takes us. They are excellent drivers and very capable but they drive a BIT faster than I do amd swerve in and out quite a bit. I quickly learned how to say Sitaki kufa which means I don't want to die. It is only a joke, I feel completely safe with them. It is me that is really the problem. After a long trip back from one of the villages and saying Sitaki kufa quite a bit to give the driver a hard time, I was dropped off at Imara to get my own car. I was very tired and that is never good when driving on the "other" side of the road. I spaced out and missed my turn, so I had to turn around. I pulled off onto a side street. I just wasn't thinking.... So when I turned right..... I turned right heading right onto a truck coming right at us. We both swerved and lived, but the project manager in the car with me said, Sitaki Kufa! Oh the irony. I turned right the wrong way!

On another note, Thank you all so much for your prayers. I cannot tell you how HUGE of a difference they have made. I will elaborate more but I need to head out the door. I am running late.

Prayer and washing my clothes

Don't worry, I am not asking you to pray about my clothes. I have not gone that looney yet but I do need prayer. I struggle with asking sometimes because I don't want to seem weak. I struggle so much pride and wanting to appear that I can handle everything. I think often I am afraid that people will look down on me because I cannot handle certain situations or stress. I also struggle with knowing when to say help to other people and when to go to God. Obviously, I should always go to God but when should that follow with other people. The whole concept of depending God is hard for me. I can depend on a chair because I feel it when I sit down.
So, here is the bottom line. I have not been home much lately. I have been out in villages. I absolutley love that. But, laundry still needs to be done, bathrooms cleaned, shopping at the market, going to the bank, and other daily grind items. The living here stuff also usually just takes longer than in America. Would you please pray that I would seek God first? Sometimes when I think about all that I have to do in the next few weeks and months, I get overwhelmed and freak out a bit. My focus is not on the right place or really person. I have so little faith. God has proven himself faithful again and again but still I try to do everything on my own. Please pray that I will find rest in God even in the midst of busyness. Pray that I would see that God alone is sufficient and that He does meet all my needs and that He is good and real and Holy and powerful and gentle and comforting. Pray that I would also find time to wash my clothes =). (Unless my mom can come over and do it for me.... =) )

So giddy they are about to burst

Do you have memories from your childhood that always remain fresh? You know those memories where you not only remember the details but even the feelings that you had. One of my favorite memories is of my dad. I wonder if he even remembers this... As a child, I could not wait for my dad to come home from work. I could tell the sound of his car and when I heard it, all of these emotions would start swirling around. My daddy's home. My daddy's home. I am not sure how often this happened, but some times I would go and hide. And I think being the brilliant child that I was, I would choose the same place every time: behind the curtains. I think it was a bit obvious that I was hiding there. But my dad would come in and say where's my meagan, where's my little girl. I would feel like I was about to burst. He would go to the refrigerator and open it up and ask if I was in there, the cupboards, under the cushions, etc. He would walk right past me. Finally, I could not stand it anymore and scream here I am, daddy, here I am. Then he would hug me and tickle me. I knew that I was loved by my dad.

This past weekend I was in Karansi with four wonderful women from Perimeter Church in USA. Several of the women had the opportunity to go and visit the home of the sponsored child. Two brothers were both sponsored by one of the women's daughter's family. As we drove up to their home, they got so excited you knew they could not stand it. They had huge smiles and were jumping up and down in their seats absolutely giddy with delight. They could not wait to have their sponsor meet their mother. The mother had prepared a wonderful feast. She had gotten bamboo and sheets from her neighbours and created a little room by their house. They had gotten the best furniture from others and decorated. They even got sodas from us all to share. What a wonderful time! One of my favorite things about the people here is that they value relationships and time spent with people above all else. Taking the time to go and visit them in their home was such a tremendous event for them and for us, a huge blessing. The whole time during the visit, the two boys just sat there with huge grins on their faces!

Back to the Beginning

This weekend I was in Karanse which is the village that Perimeter church primarily works in with Imara. I stayed in the same room that I did over a year and a half ago when I first came to Tanzania. I remember lying in that bed in awe of God and all that I saw here. I so distinctively remember all of the emotions that I felt. Nothing compares with your first time in Tanzania especially in Karanse. Once you come once, I think it is hard for it not to be in your blood and want to come back again and again or even stay for a bit longer.... =)

Usual Suspects

As you have learned by now if you have been following along from the beginning, I love movies. I love the stories and they usually make me think, well some of them do. One of my favorites is "Usual Suspects" with Kevin Spacey. It is a great mystery film, you know one of those movies where at the end you are in shock and disbelief. Well, one of the lines from that movie has always struck me. It is, "the smartest thing the devil ever did, was have people doubt that he exists." That is so true. If you talk about the devil, demons, witches, or anything else like that you might get locked up in a loony bin. Nowadays it is even socially acceptable to be a witch or a wicken, to worship nature.
Here, things are quite a bit different. It is not uncommon for their to be a witchdoctor in the villages. Many of our pastors in the projects have had to deal with witchdoctors putting curses on them. One of them buried the head of an animal in the area where the church is. The pastor dug it up and planted a tree!
In other villages, some of the children have been deceived into getting involved. They have been cut, you can see the scars, and their blood has been taken. Some of them have even eaten human flesh and drinken human blood, although that is rare.
What people deal with here is so different, things are overtly evil. I think in the west it is more subtle because we are way too smart to believe in witches and demons. The Bible talks about them but they are not around anymore, right?
All that to say, I have been dealing with things that I never thought I would. Please pray for wisdom and discernment as I process it all and try to figure out fact from fiction. Please pray for insight into how to respond to all of this. Most importantly, pray that I am able to love.

Nothing is ever easy

One of the biggest differences I am faced with here is that nothing is ever easy or convenient like at home. I needed to run a simple errand for someone that took over an hour. As I was driving home, I was overwhelmed by exhaustation and had a headache and dreaded going home. I have to get through two gates to get into the house that I am currently living in. For each gate, I have to get out of my car unlock it and open it, drive through it, get out of the car again, and close and lock it back up. I was dirty and grimy from a day in the villages and desperately wanting to be clean. We do not have running water, so that means carrying several buckets into the bathroom and having to boil water three times in the kettle in order to achieve a warm bath. I was starving and to cook is never easy either. As I was pondering all of that, I just stopped. I thought do I want to leave and go back home. Right now, do I want to go and pack up all my stuff and get on the next flight back home? Do I want to go back to "first-world" living? NO! I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I feel peace and contentment in that and I am so thankful. Plus, we all know that life is never easy even back in the states. Furthermore, the difficult times are when God grows us and strengthens our character. All that to say, I think I was just tired and cranky last night. =)

I think I can... I think I can... I think I can...

The little engine that could.... What a great story. This past week, I traveled to Kondoa where we have a project. Our school was being opened by the President of Tanzania! Can you believe it! How amazing! What an incredible honor! In meeting someone or even just in a greeting, you always say Shikamoo to an elder. It means I give you my respect. In a situation like this, a woman would slightly bend her knees and when shaking hands have her left hand hold her right with her palm facing up. And, then not only did I need to say Shikamoo, but I also needed to say Shikamoo Mwahashamiwa Rais. You see my problem. It means, I give you my respect, honourable President. I can be social awkard in America and now I am in a new country, new culture, new language and meeting the president of a COUNTRY! No pressure!

I am a big fan of Far side comics. Who wouldn't be? Their hilarious. One of my favorites is when Tarzan is preparing to meet Jane. It has several little windows that show Tarzan swinging through the jungle. He is practicing what he is going to say when he meets Jane so he can impress her. In the first one, he says, "Hi, I am Tarzan, the king of the Jungle. I am looking for Jane, are you her?" Next, "Are you Jane, because, I am the king of the Jungle known as Tarzan?" I can't remember the third but you get the idea. Finally, when he swings to the branch where Jane is standing with all of the anticipation building and all that practicing, he so elegantly says, "Me Tarzan, you Jane." The final caption is Tarzan with his head in his hands in complete disappointment.

So, now you might have an idea of my meeting with the president. I kept on practicing again and again. It was a little difficult to say and I kept on missing up so people would help so I could practice. When the moment finally came and we were all in a line and he walked down and greeted us, all I could think of was Hola.... I quickly recovered, said simply Shikamoo did not kneel and then hung my head in disappointment...

Apart from my social blunder, the visit was quite fantastic. We were able to share about our ministry and all that God is doing through this project and others. He loved meeting the children, especially when they sang for him. He was impressed by the school and all that was going on. What an unbelievable honour!

And at the end, he came up to me again and he asked how my swahili was. This time I was able to actually speak Swahili, and not Spanish or Chinese. He was very gracious and kind and I really enjoyed getting to meet him.

Faith

As I continue to process the death of Esther, the little girl, I find myself at a place where I just simply need to trust God. God is in control. He knows what He is doing. He is good. Last night at a prayer meeting, one of the men there said that our faith grows when we do not understand something. I cannot see what God is doing but I trust Him.

A God who heals

One of the villages that I travel to quite frequently is called Magugu. Last week, I was there for a couple of days. On Friday, we went to the home of a young girl who has been very sick for about two months. I knew that she had been extremely sick and had gone back and forth to the hospital several times but had not been able to figure out what was wrong, maybe malaria, maybe AIDS, maybe ???? We wanted to visit her and pray for her. As we walked into her home, I was taken aback by what I saw. On a mattress on the floor was a little girl that had eyes that looked completely vacant. She was just skin and bones and was very unresponsive. All I could think was please God no, don't let her die, let her get better. I went there with Ezekiel, the pastor and school manager there, Lynda (head of Joshua Teachers college) and Patrick (another pastor and fiance of one of my good friends).

I must confess how little faith I have had in God healing. I know I have heard of things and even known some people but I still find myself struggling to really pray in that way. I am so full of western skepticysm. I find that I have more faith in man-made medicine then in the Creator of the Universe. I know that God is able but will He?

So, with those feelings and faulty faith, I began to pray for healing for this precious little girl. Everything in me refuses to allow this girl to stay this way on the front porch of her home gradually dying. We are all praying. Even though she has a hard time hearing and seeing, she begins to respond and turns over on her back. She tries to sit up but falls back unable. You can see life beginning to return to her eyes. What you need to know about this amazing young girl is that she was bright and determined and a leader in her class. She had a strong faith and often lead times of worship and prayer. She believes God is who He says He is unlike me.

We continue praying and eventually she sits up and we are amazed. YES! You can do it! God heal her! I find myself not really knowing what to pray or how to pray. All I know is that I want God to work, I want God to heal her. At first, I tell her that I want her to try to press her feet against my hands and she is unable, actually she can't even make a fist. We continue to pray and massage her legs and arms and gradually she begins to regain some strength.

This continues for a while and she is given some orange juice. She declares that she wants to stand! WOW! She needs help but she does it. Unbelievable. Her mother is crying, I am crying, everyone is. This sweet little girl continues to say, asante Mungu (Thank you God). She is now sitting in Patrick's lap and we continue to pray and talk to her and massage.

After a while, she is taking some steps and has light in her eyes. She is sitting up on her own in a chair. We tell her mother about nutrition and how to help get her strong. After a little while longer, we leave. I am filled with such awe and amazement. She is going to get better. I can't wait to see her at school. What does God have in store for her! WOW! I am so grateful that God has allowed me to be a part of this and see what a strong faith exists in such a small body.

Two days ago, on Thursday, I learned that she passed away. It doesn't make any sense. I thought God healed her. Even as I write this now, I can't help but cry. I know God is good but I am sad. I was in another village and had to travel to hers on Thursday night. I just cried and read my Bible. I didn't know what I was looking for or how to pray. I know that God works all things for good. I know He is sovereign and has a plan. As I was reading, God reminded me that His promise of no tears and no pain is for heaven and that is where she is now. He does not promise that this life will be without challenges, grief, and hard times but He does promise to never leave or abandon us. As I am reading all of this, I am trying to process it all but I am still struggling. She now is with her Saviour, she does not have to struggle to walk but can dance and leap for joy. This is not what I thought would happen. This, especially, is not what I thought I would experience as I prepared to come here.

When we went to the funeral yesterday, her home was surrounded by people, evidence of the many lives she touched. However, what can you do when see a child weap over the loss of another child. We needed to cover our heads and then walk in a line to pass her open casket while people sang. I didn't cry again until I began to sing with them, songs of praise. As I walked passed her casket singing about the goodness of God, I just sobbed. My heart hurt.

Once everyone had had a chance to pay their respects, we went to the cemetery. There was a long procession of cars but mostly people walking, so many children. At the burial site, several pastors gave messages and we worshipped. Those that knew her walked by her grave and took a handful of dirt and tossed it on top of her casket. We help bury her. Once again while singing to our Lord of Lords, our great God. My tears fell into the dirt that I held in my hand as I released it down into her grave.

However, I did finally get to a place where I knew that she really is in a better place. She is at home with her heavenly father. Even Paul in Phillipians says that to die is gain because it means that he will be with Christ. Heaven is real. I am still sad but now I have peace in the midst of it.

Please pray for this community. Pray that the people would see God in the midst of this tragedy. Please pray that her family would find comfort in God. Pray that God would work and be honored and glorified. Please just pray....

Don't know what to say

I just returned from a long trip. I met the President of Tanzania, what an amazing honor and went to the funeral of a twelve year old girl that I knew, which was incredibly hard. I have cried a lot the past two days and am trying to process it all. There is a lot more to say and I will share more later. Right now I am just exhausted. Love you all...

How do I respond?

Do you ever have times where you have these massive emotions well up inside of you that you do not know what to do with? I am sure every woman can relate... =) So, as you know I watched Hotel Rwanda yesterday. I had seen it before, but I still had this intense anger boil up inside of me. You know that feeling you get when you want to scream NOOOO! This isn't right! Since I was a young child, I have had a strong sense of justice. I watch movies like that or hear about things like that on the news and I want to do something about it. The problem is I am not sure what to do.

One of my favorite lines from that movie is when there is a reporter covering the genocide. He literally gets footage of people being slaughtered out in the streets. Can you imagine watching your neighbour kill another one of your neighbours? How are you ever okay again? The main character asks the reporter if this footage will make the news back in the West. When the reporter replies affirmatively, the other man is relieved because surely this means they will come to their rescue. The reporter says, "No, they will look at it and say isn't that horrible and then go on with their dinner." The Rwandan genocide happened the summer after I graduated from college. I do not have any real memory of hearing about it. I was way too self consumed.

This morning as I was driving to one of the villages, I passed a U.N. motorcade that was transporting some of the prisoners that are being taking to trial for their war crimes. The U.N. tribunal is here in Arusha and I pass it all the time. It was kind of strange feeling after seeing that movie.

Throughout the world, especially in Africa, atrocities such as these are still going on. Some not that far from where I live now. The Sudan, Zimbabwe, and others. What do I do? What can I do? How do I help? How do I fight for those who can't fight for themselves? How do you get through to people that are so full of hatred and vengeance? I do not want to stand by and do nothing.

In my car, I had one of the local teachers with me and we were discussing some of this. One thing we talked about is that you have to get to the children. They need to grow up with an understanding of who God is and His love for them. They need to have a better quality of education. It isn't a short-term fix but I pray in the long-term the children at our schools will help change the face of Africa.

Living it up!

Today is the first real day off that I have had since arriving. So, my new roommate and I are living it up. We are watching a movie on my computer, Hotel Rwanda. And, we wanted popcorn. So, I had some microwaveable popcorn sent over but no microwave so we decided to rip open the bag and try to pop it on the stove. IT WORKED!! Yippeee! A nice relaxing day!

Slamming on the Brakes

Over the years, I have slammed on my brakes for various reasons. You know when you feel like the light goes straight from green to red and you never actually see the yellow or when someone stops in front of you quickly or pulls out in front of you. well, yesterday I added a whole new category of reasons to slam on the brakes. As we were driving out to one of the villages, we had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting a GIRAFFE! Yes, I am serious. Right there in the middle of the road just staring at us as if to say what are you doing on my road was a giraffe. We stopped within a foot of him and I could even see his big beautiful eyelashes. On both sides of the road were other giraffe just staring at us calmly probably wondering what kind of animal we are. Even a little baby giraffe came up to see what was going on. Can you believe it! I LIVE IN AFRICA!!! How insane! How amazing!

Shagala Bagala

If ever there was a phrase to describe my life, this is it. It is in swahili and means everything is crazy and scattered. I think that I thought that the craziness would stay in America when I came here, little did I know that it would follow me across the ocean. I envy those of you that live your lives in a permanent state of peace and calm. =)

But I digress, the real reason for this post is to update you on swahili and ask for your prayers. My language is coming along well, sometimes not as fast I would like. At times I feel like I have learned so much, at others I feel frustrated that I am not able to converse with ease.

So,.... this is my prayer: I am praying that I would be able to converse with ease by Christmas. I know many of you have already been praying for me. ASANTE SANA (THANK YOU) na endelea tafadhali! (and please continue)

Love you all!

Oh no, What have I done!

Do you ever have those moments, you know where you realize what you have committed to and you feel completely incapable? You think, oh no what have I done? What was I thinking? I just finished a two day workshop for all of the teachers from the schools that I work with at Imara. As we began on Thursday morning and I saw all of the faces of the teachers staring at me in expectation, my stomach bottomed out and I got scared. They traveled so far and gave up time with their families to come here. I asked if it would be a good idea before but it is in the culture here to tell you want they think you want to here out of respect but it might not be what they want. I thought what if this really is not what they want, what if it is not applicable to them? What if I am just bringing my mzungu (white person) ways and not doing something that is appropriate for them. ARGH! What was I thinking? Is it too late to run away?

One of the project managers from Imara led them in a devotional time to start our time. He said that Meagan probably does not know exactly why she brought you all here, but I know it is from God and exactly what everyone needs. All the teachers agreed. Whew!

We had a time for a lot of discussion, to hear from them to get their ideas, input, hear the challenges they face. They were given time to discuss things together, to hear from each other and to learn from each other. My desire is to create a community amongst all the Imara schools and teachers. We did lots of team building activities and activities for them to get to know each other better. After we heard about the challenges they faced, we gave them time to try and come up with solutions in small groups and then share corporately. WOW! They had wonderful ideas and everyone participated. I was blown away.

On Friday, we had a time where each school could share prayer requests and then we would all pray for them. Can you imagine dealing with the district commissioner campaigning against you? Can you imagine having people you thought you could trust turn against you because they are not getting money on the sly? Can you imagine teaching children that walk hours to get to school without food? Can you imagine dealing with weather issues when they walk so far? Can you imagine dealing with parents who are apathetic about the need for education or even resistant? This is just the tip of the iceberg. WOW! What a powerful time of prayer as we lifted them up. I hope the teachers felt encouraged and cared for. I told them that I wanted them to know that they are not in this alone.

Each day, we also did some practical training. We did math training mostly and classroom management. They are given a lot of material but have no idea how to use it all. We gave them supplies and had them make teaching materials and then taught them how to use it in depth and had them use it themselves so that they could easily take it back to their classrooms.

At the end of the time, I told them to speak freely because I did not want to do this again if it was not beneficial. They have to give up a lot to come and I would only do it if it will help them. They all quickly responded with YES!!! They were so enthusiastic and thankful. We had such a wonderful time. We finished with singing praise and worhsip together, African style!!

I guess the moral of the story is: I did not know what I was doing, but God did....

Refugee Status

I have achieved refugee status here in Tanzania. Yes, it's true. Crazy but true! As you have probably already read, there have been a few water issues in my home. So, now we sleep in one place that does not have running water because it needs the electricity from the house that was flooded. So we use the bathroom in another home. We shower all over. We eat at another home and do work in another place. All that to say they now call us refugees. =)

What is interesting is that I have begun to teach once a week to a group of pastors at the pastors college here where I teach at the teachers college part time. One of the men from my group is from the Sudan. I do not know his story yet but I can only imagine since there are so many refugees from there. People's lives here are so different.

Little side note: Tomorrow and Friday, I am having the first ever teachers conference/workshop for all of the Imara teachers from the villages. I hope that this will be a spiritually encouraging time for them as well as an equipping time for them. I want them to have a deeper understanding of what they are a part of in transforming their communities. Please pray! Thanks!

Shhh... Don't Tell My Mom

She would totally freak out if she saw what I have been driving in. Just so you know that most of the roads here are dirt roads and dirt plus a lot of rain means a whole lot of mud! =) Yesterday morning when I drove I do not think I went above five miles an hours. People would zoom aroune me but not too long after I would see their car stuck in the mud along the side of the road. I even learned that you can actually drive horizontally and fishtailing can be quite fun.

Home is where the roof is

So, have you ever had one of those days where you think that all that has happened is just plain ridiculous. You know that moment where think nothing more can happen and then looking back you realized that was just the beginning. Oh where to start.... If I had to guess, God is trying to get it through my very thick skull that this is not my home and that heaven is. You know that verse from Hebrews that says we are citizens of heaven. Other verses such as resting in Him seem to be of most importance lately. At one point this summer (or winter depending which side of the equator you are on) I realized that I had stayed in one place for more than three days. Eventually I was able to say in a home with a wonderful family for about three weeks. Then, I was back at Joshua for a few days and then off to Karansi with a team for about a week and a half. When I finally returned to Joshua, I was so happy to realize that I could settle in somewhere. Well....

The roof to the house that I was staying in needed to be replaced so we needed to move to the tent. The tent has beds in it and is attached to a bathroom so it is not quite like camping at home. There is a thatched roof over the tent to help protect us. We had to pack up everything and put it under plastic sheeting on the bottom floor of the house. It is the dry season, but what if.... I went to Magugu this past week and when I returned home, I discovered that the roof over our tent was now gone. I could not help but laugh.

So, now is when the real fun begins. Yesterday morning as I was working at the Imara office, I felt an earthquake. It was the most significant one I have felt. Then, I look at the window and I see rain. Oh no, the tent has holes.... The rain is not too heavy but we realized that if it rains more all will not be well. We have the base manager put duct tape on the holes. Duct tape isn't actually water proof. So last night, we go out to town and come back to a pretty heavy downpour. We need to call for help because our house is raining on the inside. I go to call and ... the phones are down. So, I walk up to his house. As I am telling him about everything, ...the power goes off. We do not have enough buckets for all the holes. There is plastic sheeting on the ceiling of the bottom floor but it is about to burst because of the rain. Our beds are wet inside the tent (even my pajamas). We have no idea where anything is because we have had to throw everything everywhere to protect it. We sleep in someone else's home. The rain continues to increase in intensity and we go back to empty buckets and see what else we can do to control the damage. At the moment, my roomates and I just laugh. What else can you do.... When we return to the house where we are staying, their cat left a nice little dead mouse at the door for us. I think that was his way of offering us a sympathy gift.

Plus... I move again next week to another part of town.

All I want to know is does this earn me an Africa merit badge???

Please pray

So.... not at my best right now. I am fighting some sort of stomach, icky thing. But I learned a new treatment, charcoal. No I am not joking that is not a misspelling, charcoal. That's right the stuff you use to grill hamburgers actually also has medicinal purposes. Who knew! I cannot seem to beat this and I have been sick since Saturday. I am supposed to travel tomorrow and I need to be better. I want to go but I wish I could get there by staying in bed..... I would greatly appreciate your prayers!!
Love you all!

The hard way

If you ask my parents, they will gladly tell you that I struggle with being a teeny bit stubborn and slightly hard headed. Okay maybe, a little more than that but hey we all can't be perfect right. I have this horrible tendency to learn things the hard way. I don't know why. I wish I was better at listening and trusting. Maybe one day..... Anyway, one thing I am learning is that you can have two extreme emotions at the same time. As I was preparing to leave America and cross the ocean to the wondrous place known as Africa. I was so excited about the adventure that laid ahead but grieving the loss of home. My feelings of sadness for leaving my friends and family were at times overwhelming. Even though I still struggle with missing home, I am amazed at how much God has provided. The people here have been wonderful. Despite being here for only two months, the relationships that I have developed have been so good. Sometimes, I think that when you leave one place that God stays there. I know that isn't true but that is how I feel sometimes. I have actually learned that I don't like change. I grew up with so much change, moving every couple of years and sometime every couple of months. So, I assumed that I do like things different that I like change. Not true. I actually like routine and like to get settled and build deep quality relationships. All that to say, I moving again soon. Yowsers! I just recently moved from the house that I am staying in into a tent because the had to be repaired and actually is completely off (no joke). But, now, I am moving to another part of town with different people. The people that I will be living with are wonderful, espcially Julia, I can't wait. But several things are up in there and I love the girls that I live with now. I don't want things to change. Once again I am afraid that life is good here and God provided here but He won't be at my new home. I still don't trust. I can be so hard-headed sometimes and a slow learner. ARGH! How do you make your heart listen to your head?

Just my luck

You know those days when nothing seems to go your way and then the opposite extreme of everything coming together with unbelievable ease as though your life is an orchestrated symphony. Is it luck or is it God? I think that I can be quite inconsistent. Sometimes I say one thing, but really believe another. This is what I know for sure God is sovereign and God is control. God is always working in my life. I usually have no idea what He is up to and sometimes I do not even bother to pay attention to what He is doing because I get so self consumed. Yesterday, by the grace of God, I was able to see Him pull so many things together. Yesterday morning I went to Mt. Meru university to interview possible teachers for our schools. I was not sure where to go or how to find the person I was supposed to meet (for the first time). As I got out of my car, he and two others happened to be walking by! After the interviews, we went to the hopsital to see Samuel. I was not sure if he was still in the hospital. When we arrived, we learned that he was about to be released. I was able to give him and his aunt a ride home so they would not have to walk several kilometers and take many buses. As we were waiting, I happened to run into several people in this small hospital in the middle of nowhere. I ran into people from Imara and a teacher from one of the schools whose son needs to have surgery on his arm. My phone died and I could not contact the people I was supposed to meet afterwards. I was so worried that they would be waiting for me. As I pulled up our meeting spot, they pulled in right beside me. I was taking this Australian couple to Mwika, one of the villages. I was not sure how to get there and beginning to get worried that I was going the wrong way. Right when, I got the most scared, a giant sign (which is rare in these parts) appeared telling me which way to go . CRAZY! So many things came together. God was definitely at work but then He always is. I am thankful that I do not have to ask Him to work. Whew!

The second part of the trip was our adventure in trying to get up into the village. We had a torrential downpour last night, or mvua kubwa in Kiswahili, and the roads became MUD! We tried two times to make it up into the village but we were unsuccessful. We sloshed around and swerved, skidded, jumped, and everything else in our driver's valiant effort to get us up this mountain but to no avail. But it worked out better, because we were able to discuss and talk about some big plans in this village and how we can help the community.

Kiwis are not just a fruit

I knew that I would learn a lot during my time here but I was not expecting to learn more about kiwis, Perth, and Wales. What am I talking about? Good question. I am at Joshua Teachers training college right now and the people I work with are from all over. One of my roomates is from England. You may have already known this but I did not. The United Kingdom is made up of Scotland, England, Northern Ireland, and Wales. Great Britian is made up of Scotland, England, and Wales. I thought that was interesting. People from New Zealand are called Kiwis because the Kiwi is a very famous and rare, beautiful bird that is native to that island. Did you know that there were no animals on New Zealand except birds? They were all introduced. Did you know that Australia is so big that it takes six hours by plane to get to Sydney from Perth? That is longer than it takes from Atlanta to LA. Crazy! My other roommate is from Australia. Why the history lesson? Well, just to prepare you so that when I return if I use words like heaps, jandals, jumpers (not sweatshirts), and Good on you that you will know why. =) Also, to simply say thank you for all your prayers. I was so scared that I would not find community when I left America. The community I had there was so rich and good and I was afraid of being alone. Despite their accent and different words for various things, the people here have been such a blessing. We have such wonderful community. God is so good and so faithful. I am amazed at how quickly I have bonded with my roommates. We have a blast together! As I go out into the villages and work, it is so good to have them to come home to.

The ants go marching one by one

We have affectionately referred to my blunders as rookie mistakes. These missteps have become quite numerous. My first night here I ate a cooking banana, icky! I did not bring a blanket with me when I traveled to one of the villages and I was a bit chilly. Packed some of the wrong types of clothes. Paid three times the amount for yoguort. I know there are more but I am having a hard time remembering them, I think that I have blocked them out. The latest in my series of blunders is giving an open invitation for a giant party in my room to all of the ants in the area. One of my favorite candies is Jolly Rancher and the last team were gracious and brought some along for me. I was thrilled! The first few that I had were quite yummy. But Jesus does tell us to share, so now about 3 million ants (oh how I wish that I was exagerrating) have been able to partake of the sweet goodness of those delectable treats. Sadness. Total rookie mistake!

Strength vs. weakness

If you want God to put a giant magnifying glass on all your weaknesses, then I recommend going to another country for an extended period of time. I prefer keeping up pretenses and having people think that I have my act together and that I can handle anything thrown my way. =) God says that "My power is perfected in your weakness." In the safety of my life in America, I don't think that I saw that all that often. Right now I feel a little exposed. I am learning a lot about my fears. I am afraid of being a failure. I am afraid of disappointing others. I am afraid of people thinking that I am not good enough. I am afraid of being weak. I am afraid of not being the strong one. I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid of being ordinary. I am afraid of my life not making an impact. These are just a few of them. I think that I might have lived my life in such a way as to avoid having to face those fears. Now, I have come face to face with those ugly monsters that have haunted me. Yesterday, I just broke down and cried and cried like I have not cried in a long time. I am still in process but I am definitely learning a lot. I have heard a million times that my worth is not based on my performance but on who I am in Christ. In all honesty, I don't think I really believed it. I am starting to. God is Love and His love is infinite, deep, powerful, and REAL! It really is real. He is real. He is not just some bed time story that we tell ourselves to make us feel warm and fuzzy. He is not something that we created to make life easier. God is the Creator of the universe. He created me. I am his workmanship. I belong to Him. He delights in me. I have heard all of this before but it is all starting to penetrate a little bit more. God's grace is sufficient. I think I just need to be reminding of God's truth over and over. It is not only okay to be weak and broken before the Lord but that is how He prefers it.

Never the same again

Today was one of those days. You know those days that you have in your life when you know that you will never be the same again; where your perspective changes and you look at the world with a different eye. Throughout my short time here, there have been surreal moments where I feel like I am in a National Geographic magazine. The images and photographs from that magazine are forever imprinted in my memory and it is amazing that those are the people that I pass on the streets, in the villages, or even as I learned today in the hospital.

I think that I told you all about my friend Samueli. He is the wonderful boy that I built a friendship with while living with a missionary family. We had so much fun together playing cards, making faces, playing other games, and just being silly together. What is unique about this friendship for me is that he has stage three AIDS. The family has poured thier lives into this boy and has seen remarkable improvement. The power of love is so clearly evident in his life. While I was staying with him, he contracted malaria and we had to go to the clinic. He was getting better but the healing process is slow because of his immune system. I have not seem him in a while because I have moved farther away. I just recently found out that he has been in the hospital for a little over a week. I went today to visit him. Even though I traveled through some slum type areas to get to the hospital, the hospital was nice.

When I walked into his room that he shares with three others, I was immediately taken aback by how much weight he had lost and the change of the shape of his face. However, when we made eye contact, this huge smile engulfed his face and I just went over and hugged him. How can you be okay with someone dying that you love? I think I am learning that when we hurt we understand in an even deeper way that God is a God of love. God is there for me and He has not abandoned Samuel. He is always there. He never leaves nor forsakes us. Then, Samuel scooted over so that I could sit next to him on his bed and visit. We laughed and talked in broken Swahilingish. He is doing better. As I sat on his bed, I looked around to the other children and saw the suffering and anguish on their faces and tears sprung into my eyes. That is when I knew that I was never going to be the same again. How can I? All I wanted to do was hold each child and love them. How can you see that kind of suffering and not want to be a part of changing it? This is why I work with schools and communities and child sponsorship.

Living in Africa

Did you know that I am not actually here on holiday, that I am living here in Africa? I am sure you knew but I am always a little slow. I think that in the beginning I was star struck by the wonders of Africa and the warmness of the people. Those things still exist but I am starting to process what it means to really live here. I can't go home for the weekend to see my family. I can't go camping with my brothers and hug my cute nieces. I can't go for a bike ride with my dad. My mom can't bring my some blue cheesed stuffed olives. I can't go and hang out with my friends. The new school year is starting soon and I won't be there. I love life here but I think I am processing right now that I can't actually live in both places. I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be but I am just a little sad. I know God is good. I know He is faithful and will meet all my needs. He is sufficient and gentle and powerful. He is a God of comfort and of love. I "know" all of that but to actually have to depend on Him to provide all that without the comforts of home is a little scary. I don't know why because I have seen Him provide so much for me. I am not sure why I don't actually believe Him and trust Him fully. Bottom line, I am homesick. I know this will pass but for right now that is where I am at. So, anybody want to come visit???? Hint hint nudge nudge =)

A whole army of my countrymen

I love epic movies, you know those wonderful cinematic events that stir your soul and remind you that there are things in this world worth fighting for. I will never forget the first time I watched the Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers. This part isn't in the book but still I loved it. (I am assuming at this point that everyone has watched this movie, if you have not, please drop everything and go do it now, it is for your own good). Darkness has set in, the rain comes, and the massive army of the enemy does not seem to end. The army for the good guys is meager. The best soldiers are not there. Old man and young boys are being forced to fight. They are about to fight not only ugly creatures known as Orcs but despair as well. They are doing their best to muster up every ounce of courage they have but you can see the fear on their face. At that point, there is a bang on their gate, and in walks a whole army of some of the best trained elf soldiers. They are known for the bravery and skill as soldiers. The spirits of the others soar. They can do this. They can fight. My conditions are nothing like that but recently I had one of those moments, one of those what I have done moments. Can I really do this? Can I make it? Who am I that God would use me? Am I alone? Not to mention several others. My army that God sent to remind me of His faithfulness was a team from Perimeter. My spirits soared. They were such an unbelievable blessing to me. There are so many stories and memories from this trip.

And, to keep up the epic theme, I thought I would share one of the major things the team focused on. In the village of Karansi, we have established a wonderful school that is thriving and changing the lives and futures of all the children involved. This team wanted to reach out to the kids that do not go to that school. So, we had a sports camp. Our effort took quite a bit of blood, sweat, and tears to prepare. On the third day, we had things well organized. A couple hundred of students were rotating through out the various stations of sports and games. We knew that there was another school close by that was due to dismiss soon but we were not sure if they knew that they were welcome to come to the camp. So three of us, including Colin one of my former students, went up to the school to talk with the teachers to invite all of the children. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. The school had about 300-500 children roughly. At dismissal, they are lined up and began to chant. They got louder and louder and the energy was building. Colin held up a soccer ball and had them all follow him to the field. He ran with all of the children following down the hill. A whole army of chilren unleashed unto the unsuspecting American teenagers! But it went so well! The children got T-shirts, for many of them the first time they have received anything new. Their clothes were older, filthy, and hole-torn. As I looked out onto the field with all of these children lined up and playing games with their bright, new, blue T-shirts, I couldn't help but think of Braveheart. When they are first preparing for battle, William Wallace says, "I see a whole army of my countrymen here in the defiance of tyranny. They may take our lives but they will never take our FREEDOM!" I missed a bit of the speech but you get the idea. These children were treated with dignity and respect. They were played with and loved. For the first time for many, they were hugged and given the freedom to play and to enjoy their childhood. I never realized that I had taken my childhood for granted. We were able to share the love of God with them and to tell them that Jesus is real and that He cares for them. They were there in defiance of the oppression and poverty that surrounds them. They will not be destined to fall into the same fatalistic mindset that things can never change and that there is not hope. God offers so much more. This is just the beginning!