Survival of the fittest

If Darwinism really existed, I am not sure that my kind would have survived. We would have been extinct long, long ago. We typically like to pretend that we can handle everything and not pay attention to the warning signs. We could be in a room with a Cobra that is about to attack and not realize because we are lost in our thoughts. We tend to be very black and white unlike most of the world. We tend to not be that patient even though most of the world needs to time to think and process. We tend to not be very gentle even though the people respond better to a gentle touch. We tend to value efficiency over relationships. My species might have survived in the west, but definitely not in Africa. They all would have died off with the dinosaurs. But, still,... I am here.

I am learning that I need to be the one to change and adjust but that I also need to realize what I can and cannot handle and make adjustments accordingly. I went for run yesterday morning. Man, did that feel good. Of course my legs today are a little sore. I haven't gone running since I got here because I get stared enough and I did not want to be this strange white woman going for a run in a country where most people have to walk miles everyday. But, I decided I have to do it. I need to exercise. I need to be able to clear my head even though it is strange culturally. I want to do the best I can to adapt and fit in culturally but I need to recognize that I am still American and that will never change and I need to do some things even if it is considered strange. I am praying and processing through a lot of things to try and figure out what I need to do to help myself.

On Monday, I felt like a sinking ship. I felt like I was going down quickly and I was gasping for air. Today, I feel like my boat is afloat and but still has holes. I am trying to find those holes and repair them so that I can continue sailing through here. Thank you all so much for your prayers they are keeping me afloat!