A way forward

Seeing the depth of your sin, is never easy but it is good because then things can be dealt with. Of course, ultimately, Christ is my savior and even if I am still a complete and total mess until the end of my days, I am going to heaven and He can finish the job up there. =) Let's be honest, the chances are pretty good that I will still be a mess. However, I need to learn to deal with some things better and find a way forward.

The past couple of weeks I have felt incredibly tired all the time and very emotional. I have not felt like myself. I checked on the internet and I don't think that there is an amoeba or parasite that causes people to be more emotional, oh well. While I was at the home of a long term missionary couple, I shared how I was feeling. The immediate response by the wife was it sounds like culture shock. Never in a million years would I have thought that it had anything to do with culture shock. I have lived for over a year now. I have dealt with the strange and different things. I should be fine. Apparently, not so much. We talked through a lot of things and it was really good.

Because I have a tendency to put things in a box and have a plan for things, I felt like I could not deal with the poverty around me. I have my ministry and it is out in the villages. Somewhere I got it in my head, that ministry means having a plan, working with others, having meetings, etc. etc. Once again, I was wrong. (I am starting to get used to that) Ministry is just loving the people that God has put in your life, no matter who they are. Ministry is loving the people around me, my neighbors, the street kids, the kids that come up to me every day as I come home begging for money.

Now I just have to figure out how to do this; how to change how I live my life. I don't want to add extra work, but I have realized not doing anything about the people around me is hurting me emotionally and spiritually. I am often afraid of rejection and this can prevent me from even starting something and then I just make up excuses that sound wise but are full of bologna. I have lots of ideas running around in my head like tutoring some of the children, reading stories to them, inviting them over and just playing with them. When I come home, I don't leave again. I don't go and visit my neighbors. I make myself seperate. I want to start visiting people more to build better relationships. There is a ministry that works with street kids, I want to go and visit them and ask for help in knowing the best way to respond to the kids that I see. I would like to have a discipleship group of young TZ girls. I am not sure how to do any of this or how to make any of this happen, but I know that if this is developed more that I will be better, my work will be better.

When I arrived, I got this one track mind and have been afraid to deviate. Now, I do have a tendency to do too much, so I do want to pray first rather than running full steam ahead first. Would you pray with me? Would you pray that God would guide me in all of this and provide opportunities? Let's see what God does....