Fitting in...

I am not sure if any of you were ever a cool kid. Even though this might be shock to many of you, I was not. But, boy, did I try hard to be one, to fit in. More than anything in the world I wanted to fit in, to belong, to feel like I was part of the group. As I look back, I am ashamed of a lot of the things that I did in my elusive attempt at fitting in. I compromised so much of who I was and became who I thought others wanted me to be. I lied, exaggerated, told ridiculous stories all so that the cool kids would think that I was interesting. Now, by the grace of God, I am much more comfortable with who I am and have finally come to the realization that I am not a cool kid and never will be. However, I have also learend that community is very important to me. I do desire to belong, to have a place and feel like I fit in. God designed us for community, so it does not make me a freak for desiring it; some of my other quirky habits take care of that. =) So, now there is a problem. I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere. Throughout this past year in Tanzania, I have often thought I am never going to fit in. I will always be an outsider. No matter how well I speak the language, how long I live there, how much I have adapted to the culture, I will always be a visitor. The color of my skin is the first thing that is noticed regardless of anything else. While I was thinking about things that I was looking forward upon my return, honestly, one of the them was just being able to blend in, not always being stared at. I wanted to be normal, to be ordinary, to be just another person on the bus. Here, the color of my skin doesn't mean anything which I love, but I still can't help feeling like I don't fit in, like I don't belong. I feel different now. So, the thing I am struggling with the most right now is that I don't feel like I fit in anywhere....