Looking Back

As the days pass, I look back more and more on what happened and I am just in awe of God's goodness and love. The Bible has come alive in ways that I never imagined. Verses like Isaiah 54:17 that says,"No weapon formed against you shall prosper." And, so many of the psalms, like Psalm 91: 2, " This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place for safety; he is my God, and I am trusting Him."  My time with Lord has been so rich and I am thankful for the peace in the midst of everything that He has given me. 

One of my love languages is physical touch.  So, whenever I feel overwhelmed with emotions, all I need is someone to put their hand on my shoulder or my back and I feel calm and peace and like I could get through whatever I am going through. Throughout the whole time that we were being robbed, I felt God's hand on my back, keeping me calm helping me get through the ordeal. 

However, what is even more amazing to me, is that I think that God was preparing me for what was going to happen.  As I think many of you know, I was robbed back in August at knife point while going for a run down in Dar es Salaam. Even though I never felt my life was in danger, I have had some issues since that time. Whenever I walking by myself, I tense up. I start thinking about what I will do if I get attacked again.  I knew that I needed to change my thinking and not assume that every man that I passed was going to attack me. Recently, I had decided to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro over Christmas. In order to train, I have been going for long walk/runs near the house where we were staying. The area I would go to was perfect for training with lots of hills and around a nice lake.  I decided that I was not going to live in fear and made a point to greet people first and assume the best but be prepared for the worst. I realized that it was possible that I would be robbed again, but I would be okay.  I thought through I would react and what I could do. 

Last Wednesday, I heard from some long term missionaries here that several years ago, the area around the lake was known for its robberies, and I should check things out to see if things had improved. I did ask around and heard that security had improved significantly and that there had not been an attack in a long time. Nonetheless, I was a little scared before I went for my run on Thursday morning. However, I did not want to live my whole life locked up in my house. I want to be wise and not put myself in danger. I was assured that I was not in any danger, so I felt like there was nothing unwise about going for the run.  Still, this made me continue to process what I would do and how to stay calm and how to treat someone if he attacked me. 

Friday morning, as I shared earlier, I led the devotions and told the story of the Nepal missionary who was attacked. Because I had shared this story, I talked with one of my co-workers for a while afterwards about God's love and how He is always at work. I, often, watch the DVD of the concert of Les Miserables, my favorite broadway show. I was telling my co-worker about the time when Jean Valjean steals from the priest. After he was arrested, the priest said he gave those items to him and even gave him more. Once the police had left and Jean Valjean was free, the priest tells him to use those things to start an honest life. Even thinking about that, I feel prepared me. It helped me to process that things are replaceable, but that might be our only chance to love that person.  Friday night, I was not in a place to do that but I do think it helped. As silly as that sounds, I think God used Les Mis to help prepare me. God will use just about anything. =) 

Furthermore, as I was sitting reading the book Friday night, I realized that we weren't safe. We had not been staying in that house for long so I had not really thought about the safety myself but taken it for granted because we knew the people that had lived there.  In our previous house, I knew that we were as safe as we could be. Obviously, we could never be completely safe but a lot of things had been put in place. As I sat there, I realized that there was nothing to prevent anyone from coming in before we went to bed and the land around the house was very easy to break into. 

About two hours later, the men came into our house.  I think because God was preparing me, I wasn't overcome with shock. I felt the Lord's hand on my back and felt peace.  The first man said he was going to kill me, and I thought okay, how do I prevent this? My mission became to keep the situation calm, give them what they want, and help us to make it out of that situation alive.  

There is no explanation other than God for why we are still alive. We saw their faces. They were professionals. 

After they left, my body started trembling all over and continued for a long time.  These past few days, I have cried a lot and fallen apart. But, I know, that God was at work while they were there and in preparing me for what was going to take place. So, I am even more in awe of God's goodness and sovereignty.  He is not the author of evil but He knew what was going to happen. He prepared me and was ever present with us during the whole incident and protected us.