Did I really just ask that?

Do you ever have surreal moments? You know those moments where you are watching yourself and realize that life has changed more than you ever thought possible or you have changed or even you realize that your understanding of life is a whole lot different. My first couple of trips to Tanzania were filled with the smiles and laughter of children. That melody of the children's laughter has played over and over in my heart. What a sweet sound. So, you can imagine that the tears of those same children make my heart feel like it is being ripped into pieces. Furthermore, I feel very protective of those children and when someone causes them pain or to cry, I want to defend them and to make it stop. 

One day, I was hanging out with some of the children as they were waiting to get a health screening. After finishing a meeting, I was just out in one of the villages catching up with the children. One of the boys that I do not often see came up to talk to me. This boy in particular can be elusive and I know has had a rough time. I had visited him several times with his sponsor and was hoping that his sponsor was there that day. The distance from Atlanta to Tanzania is hard to imagine for a child that has never been outside of his village. =)  Since I knew how much his sponsor loved and prayed for him, I began asking questions to get more of an update. 

I know that many of you are rather observant. Unfortunately, I do not have keen observational skills and do not always notice things. This was one of those rare moments where I actually saw pain in the eyes of a child, a child that is maybe 12 years old. As we began to talk, I realized that this precious child was hurting more than I could imagine. I knew that his mother had a drinking problem and that they lived in extreme poverty. In the past, there had been a problem of his mother selling the gifts that were given by the sponsor in order to purchase alcohol. I can't imagine how that sweet boy must have felt to see his mother take something that was given to him in order to purchase alcohol for herself. At what point, do you emotionally shut down, when you have experienced all that he has? 

We talked for a while and then a little light when on in my head. His mother has no money and no real way to get money other than a small garden that he takes care of. She drinks all the time. How does she get the money? So, I asked him if  a lot of men came to visit his mom? You could see the devastation on his face as he replied yes. That little boy had to be in the house as his mother prostituted herself to get money for her alcohol and possibly even food. I am not sure even how to process all of that.  On a practical note, that sweet boy is no longer living with his mother and is in a healthier living environment. Can you imagine what he has seen,what he has experienced? I am so thankful that God is a redeemer and a healer but those wounds seem so deep, almost too deep. 

That was the surreal moment for me. I was sitting on the ground in the middle of nowhere Africa, covered in dirt from playing with children earlier, having a conversation with a child in another language asking if his mother was prostituting herself.  When I felt God calling me to Tanzania, I had no idea what I was getting involved in. Life is so much messier than I realized.