Books, wireless, and Frappacinos

Right now I am snuggled in a little cove at a Barnes and Noble after just finishing my very first Frappacino in a over a year. I have dreamed of this moment, a blended drink, that is cold that has ice in it that does not make my whole body tremble in fear. I know the water is safe what a liberating feeling! As I sit here catching up on emails, there is a group of kids outside the window. Of course I can see all of their underwear since their pants are hanging so low and the beloved spiked mohawk is apparently still in style. I thought it died in the 80s. Oh well some things just never go away. However, I can't help but feel that life is oddly normal. I am a bit suprised by how effortlessly I drifted back into this way of life. Back in Tanzania, I expected to be angry at all the people that just live their lives as if the most important thing in the world is their next cup of coffee. But I don't. I am not really sure why. I haven't really expected anything different from them. I think as I struggle through the differences in two very different worlds I have realized that God loves me just as much when I am doing nothing of value as He does when I am "serving Him". His love has nothing to do with what I do but with who I am. Being back home has been strange because no expects me to do anything, they just want to see me and visit with me and talk to me. They love me because of who I am not because of what I do. I had not realized how much pressure I had put on myself back in Tanzania. And, it really was me not anyone else putting that pressure. I lived in Tanzania surrounded by poverty and social injustice. The work never ended and I never let it end. How exhausting! So, now I am just working through resting in God and realizing that I can be a complete failure, a total nobody, and God will not love me any less.