I LOVE Africa

The other day I was at a friend's home sitting outside looking out at the vast African savannah with beautiful acacia trees (the trees with a flat top) and gorgeous Mt. Meru as the background and I couldn't help but think that I could live here for the rest of my life. Tanzania is unbelievably gorgeous and I love the people.  Some of the things that drive me crazy are what I love most (not all of them). My feet are never clean; I never know what to expect when I get in my car, where will I be rerouted, will I be run over by the military, will I be cut off by a daladala, etc. Life here is never boring. However, I have to say that there have been times that I have not necessarily wanted to sing for joy, definitely rough times. 

Recently, I have started to think that adapting to a new culture is a bit like a marriage. Granted, I have never been married so I could be making all of this up; this is based on the rumors I have heard over the years.  In the eloquent words of one of my Tanzanian friends, "Marriage is not always Alleluia." But, let me explain. When people come over for two weeks(me included), they get completely enamored and starry eyed with Africa. The dust, dirt, slow pace, everything is wonderful and different. None of the things that happen are really a problem, it is just part of Africa's charm. You fall in love with Africa.  Then, you move here. (For me, I knew God called me in addition to the charm of Africa).  When you get here (which I think is a bit like marrying or a bit time commitment), you still love it. You think of life in Africa with big, dreamy eyes, you are in the honeymoon stage. But, as I have heard with marriages, the honeymoon ends. Those quirks that were adorable are now annoying and make you want to scream. Same thing goes for the culture. When you just visit, the slow pace is no problem, but when you need to actually accomplish work with deadlines and finances and overseas partners, the romance of the slow pace vanishes pretty quickly. Many of my friends have told me that after the honeymoon period they have looked at their spouse and thought, "who is this person?"; "who did I marry?" "was I out of my mind?". I can relate to all of those feelings.  I have definitely had thoughts of what nutso moves to Africa, this is not what I expected, this is not what I thought, what happened! 

Now, I might be wrong but once again, the word on the street is that marriage is not easy and you have to work at it. You have to be willing to put in the time and really make an effort. Same is true here. I have to work at understanding the culture and trying to compromise and adapt. Learning the language has been rough. It takes work.  But, then as you go deeper in your marriage, you realize that you love that person more than you ever though possible and it is a lot deeper than the initial infatuation, more substantial, longer lasting. Still work, but so worth it. That is where I am at now. It still takes work. I still get frustrated at times, but I love Tanzania. It is such a sweet and wonderful blessing to have the opportunity to be here. I am so thankful. 

Murphy's Law, Raffles, and Me

I know that many of you out there live a somewhat charmed life, if you do not then we should hang out. Murphy's law could probably be changed to Meagan's law. Part of the problem is that I am a total klutz. I used to blame this on the fact that I grew too fast and it took a while for my coordination to catch up. However, at thirty two, I might not be able to use that excuse anymore. To top all that off, I am not the most observant. I miss things that are right in front of me. I can be forgetful as well. Bottom line, I probably bring some of the Murphy's law on myself. 

Don't you just love hanging out with those people that things always work out for? You know those people that just happened to get bumped up to first class or get a free car because of some weird glitch in the system? My uncle is one of those people. Plus, he can talk his way into or out of (depending on the situation) anything. I have no idea how he does it, but he does. Last time I traveled with him, I got to go through the first class line, not sure how but he did it. 

All of this is why, I know for a fact when crazy things happen, God was in the middle of it all.  So, I think you all know a whole bunch of my stuff got stolen. But, what you might not know is that crazy, unbelievable, amazing friends of mine decided to do a raffle to help raise the money to cover the cost of what was stolen. Who does that? Who puts in that kind of work for others? Not only did it help raise money for my stuff but also towards at least half of the unplanned trip back to the states which was a bit expensive.  Insane, overwhelming! I am not done. On a whim, I decided to enter a raffle a couple of months ago while at a Christmas fair. I did not even know what the prizes were. (That is the whole not aware thing) =) Being able to exercise is very important to me, especially with the traveling I do and the stress, etc. (Plus, I am hoping to climb Kilimanjaro). However, going for a run is not so easy. Sometimes I just simply gawked at, other times I am run off the road, and the others guys decide that they want to run with me and convince me to marry them. All in all, not the best experience.  I know that this seems like a little thing, but it has been a big deal for me.  There are two gyms in town, but they are WAY out of my price range.  So, I thought all hope was lost. But, let's not forget who our God is and of course his crazy method of showing His love for me, raffles. =) That's right, while I was back in the states, they had the drawing for the raffle and I won a year's membership at one of the gyms. Can you believe it?! Insane! Isn't God good?

I can't wait to see what is next. Please remind of all of this when I doubt God's goodness and faithfulness. 

It's going to be okay

I am back home in Tanzania! Yeah! It feels so good to be back here again. Lots of weird mixed emotions all that same time. Now that I am here, I never want to leave again. I just want to stay. However, I loved being back home in the states with my friends and family and didn't want to leave there. Bottom line, I think I am much better at staying than I am at leaving. Aren't we all though? 

Since the robbery, God has been doing a lot of healing in my heart and growing me in a lot of ways. Two nights before I left, I had my first nightmare from the robbery.  God has been so gracious that I have not had any before and have not felt any anxiousness about returning.  The reality is that I could get robbed again and it could be worse. I will do what I can to prevent things and be safe but there is never any guarantee. There are too many things that I can't control.  But, that is okay. I think through all of this and other things as well, I have learned that I am going to be okay. That doesn't mean that I won't get hurt physically or emotionally. It doesn't mean that everything will always work out perfectly. I know that. But, God will always be there. He will get me through whatever comes my way.  Life will be hard at times but God is who He says He is and I will be okay.  

In my nightmare, I was back here with my roommate Julia.  It was late at night and I was sleeping but awake. We heard a tapping on the window and were not sure who it was and if we should answer the door. Some of the details are a little hazy, but I am pretty sure she was on the phone. Suddenly, we realized that the men who robbed us were back. It was them tapping on the window. They were trying to get in the house. In my dream, my body was asleep but my mind was awake and I kept on telling my body to wake up. I couldn't move my body, but I knew we needed to call for help. I had an overwhelming sense of helplessness. Eventually, I woke up from my nightmare. 

As I laid in bed, I just prayed. That was all I could do. And, then I started praying for others. I don't know what life holds for me, but I know that God uses all things for good and for His glory. There is such a peace that comes from that and I am so thankful. I know that no matter what, I will be okay. 

You know you're NOT in Africa if.....

As many of you know, there have been many moments during my time in Tanzania where I have had to laugh because it is just one of those "only in Africa" moments. Things like seeing a man ride his bike with a cow head on the back or two dozen chickens in a cart on the side of the road. However, as I am enjoying my time here in the states, I can't help but have moments that remind me, I am not in Africa. Since I have attempted a little humor before, I thought I would try again. So here goes.....

You know you're not in Africa if every child you see does not scream with delight and wave enthusiastically whenever you walk by.

You know you're not in Africa if the only sign of wild life is the crazy drivers on I285 during rush hour.

You know you're not in Africa if every road is a smooth road. (I will never take those for granted again).

You know you're not in Africa if you have to precise with your scheduling of visits with friends and can't just stop by tea that lasts all day.

You know you're not in Africa if there is no dancing at church and people stare at you funny if you raise your hands to worship.

You know you're not in Africa if people just flippantly use ziploc bags like they are cheap and easy to get. (Yet one more thing that I will not take for granted again.)

You know you're not in Africa if you have eaten rice today. =) (If you have don't worry, it does not mean that you are going to magically transported there.)

You know you're not in Africa if you blink and you miss the sunset instead of getting to watch unbelievably beauty last for seemingly forever.

You know you're not in Africa if you can go to one place to do all of your grocery shopping.

There are so many other things that show the distinct difference in the way of life. My time in Tanzania has made me appreciate so many things more here in the states. However, it has also showed how much we miss out on.

Home for the Holidays

To say that it is good to be home for the holidays, is a gross understatement.  There is nothing like mom's home cooked food and playing games with my dad. Getting to sit by the fire and drink hot cocoa is one of my absolute favorite things in the world. I am very happy to be home.  However, the weird thing is that this does not completely feel like home anymore.  I just don't think that you get to go to Tanzania and come back the same.  Seeing children want nothing more than to hold your hand and giggle with delight is such a treasure. It is unbelievable to be a part of something bigger than yourself; it puts things in perspective. I have been so blessed to have the opportunity to go to Africa. God is changing lives (mostly mine, probably). God is a God of hope and purpose and peace and love. When you have nothing else, you see it much more clearly. I have learned so much from my African brothers and sisters. I love them. I miss them. 

As I process through the robbery and everything, God is so gracious and good. I know that everything is going to be okay. I know that I am going to get through all of this. My faith in God is stronger now because of all of this. How could it not be after all that I have seen. God really is who He claims to be.  God's tender mercy and love are real, it is not just some fairy tale that we tell to make ourselves feel better. I am so happy to be at home with my friends and family but I am happy that I will be going back to Tanzania to be with my other friends and family again as well. 

Back in the Saddle again

I have learned that life goes on, and that it is important to take things one day at a time. I have continued to be amazed at the overwhelming amount of people that are praying for me. The first week after the robbery, I was scheduled to teach at the teachers college and help teach at a seminar for one of the schools with around 45 teachers.  One day,  I was sharing about how to treat and teach children differently in the light of the fact that they are created by God. We talked about how being a Christian affects how we teach the material and how we relate and care for the children. It was an exciting time with them. Of course, the poor teachers had to listen to most of the examples be about math. I still don't really understand why everyone does not love math. There is nothing like a really challenging math problem and getting right. What a feeling of accomplishment, yeah, I did it! Furthermore, our understanding of math helps to see more of God's character. Before you call a mental health professional for me, let me explain! I am a total math nerd, but it really is unbelievable.  The more we understand about infinity and that we can never stop counting, the more we can start to have a glimpse of who God is. He is infinite, never ending. We cannot imagine how big God is.  He can hold the entire universe in the palm of His hand. Then, think of the infinitesimal, things that are microscopic that cannot be seen with the naked eye. God is a God of precision and accuracy. He created order and the laws of the universe.  God knows the hairs on our head. Nothing is too small for Him because He is a tender and loving God. Isn't that amazing! I would keep on going but I fear that I might put many of you to sleep. =)

The point is that I love the opportunity to open up children's minds to who God is and help create a love for learning.  We need to teach in such a way that we feed their curiousity, and their awe and wonder.  There is nothing like seeing a child's face light up with excitement as he learns something new that blows him away.  So, part of our responsibility is to help train the teachers in how to do it and even teach them importance of doing it. I really enjoyed my time at the seminar. Also, it has been good to be back at the teachers college again. I love the teachers there so much and thrilled with how much they have grown since I first met them. It will be wonderful when they start at our schools this January. 

Even though there have been so many great moments, there have been hard moments as well. I find that I am not able to handle as much. I feel less motivated.  I have a desire to withdraw at times. I have extreme reactions to things that do not usually affect me. I feel all over the place emotionally.  I know this is normal and I need time so I am just trying to hang on.  I have decided to go home for the holidays, and I can hardly wait I am so excited.  However, just making that decision was incredibly difficult.  I am usually a quick decision maker that is not afraid to take risks. For the time being, that is gone.  I think it is going to take a while to get back to normal. 

Looking Back

As the days pass, I look back more and more on what happened and I am just in awe of God's goodness and love. The Bible has come alive in ways that I never imagined. Verses like Isaiah 54:17 that says,"No weapon formed against you shall prosper." And, so many of the psalms, like Psalm 91: 2, " This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place for safety; he is my God, and I am trusting Him."  My time with Lord has been so rich and I am thankful for the peace in the midst of everything that He has given me. 

One of my love languages is physical touch.  So, whenever I feel overwhelmed with emotions, all I need is someone to put their hand on my shoulder or my back and I feel calm and peace and like I could get through whatever I am going through. Throughout the whole time that we were being robbed, I felt God's hand on my back, keeping me calm helping me get through the ordeal. 

However, what is even more amazing to me, is that I think that God was preparing me for what was going to happen.  As I think many of you know, I was robbed back in August at knife point while going for a run down in Dar es Salaam. Even though I never felt my life was in danger, I have had some issues since that time. Whenever I walking by myself, I tense up. I start thinking about what I will do if I get attacked again.  I knew that I needed to change my thinking and not assume that every man that I passed was going to attack me. Recently, I had decided to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro over Christmas. In order to train, I have been going for long walk/runs near the house where we were staying. The area I would go to was perfect for training with lots of hills and around a nice lake.  I decided that I was not going to live in fear and made a point to greet people first and assume the best but be prepared for the worst. I realized that it was possible that I would be robbed again, but I would be okay.  I thought through I would react and what I could do. 

Last Wednesday, I heard from some long term missionaries here that several years ago, the area around the lake was known for its robberies, and I should check things out to see if things had improved. I did ask around and heard that security had improved significantly and that there had not been an attack in a long time. Nonetheless, I was a little scared before I went for my run on Thursday morning. However, I did not want to live my whole life locked up in my house. I want to be wise and not put myself in danger. I was assured that I was not in any danger, so I felt like there was nothing unwise about going for the run.  Still, this made me continue to process what I would do and how to stay calm and how to treat someone if he attacked me. 

Friday morning, as I shared earlier, I led the devotions and told the story of the Nepal missionary who was attacked. Because I had shared this story, I talked with one of my co-workers for a while afterwards about God's love and how He is always at work. I, often, watch the DVD of the concert of Les Miserables, my favorite broadway show. I was telling my co-worker about the time when Jean Valjean steals from the priest. After he was arrested, the priest said he gave those items to him and even gave him more. Once the police had left and Jean Valjean was free, the priest tells him to use those things to start an honest life. Even thinking about that, I feel prepared me. It helped me to process that things are replaceable, but that might be our only chance to love that person.  Friday night, I was not in a place to do that but I do think it helped. As silly as that sounds, I think God used Les Mis to help prepare me. God will use just about anything. =) 

Furthermore, as I was sitting reading the book Friday night, I realized that we weren't safe. We had not been staying in that house for long so I had not really thought about the safety myself but taken it for granted because we knew the people that had lived there.  In our previous house, I knew that we were as safe as we could be. Obviously, we could never be completely safe but a lot of things had been put in place. As I sat there, I realized that there was nothing to prevent anyone from coming in before we went to bed and the land around the house was very easy to break into. 

About two hours later, the men came into our house.  I think because God was preparing me, I wasn't overcome with shock. I felt the Lord's hand on my back and felt peace.  The first man said he was going to kill me, and I thought okay, how do I prevent this? My mission became to keep the situation calm, give them what they want, and help us to make it out of that situation alive.  

There is no explanation other than God for why we are still alive. We saw their faces. They were professionals. 

After they left, my body started trembling all over and continued for a long time.  These past few days, I have cried a lot and fallen apart. But, I know, that God was at work while they were there and in preparing me for what was going to take place. So, I am even more in awe of God's goodness and sovereignty.  He is not the author of evil but He knew what was going to happen. He prepared me and was ever present with us during the whole incident and protected us.