Upside down, Inside out, and Walking Backwards

That is a little like what I feel like right now as I sit in the Amsterdam airport on a computer that has internet that works at a speed that I forgot that the Western world lived in. I did not have to log in go get a book, take a nap, and come back! Which is a good thing since I am only paying for fifteen minutes. Can you imagine what it would be like if someone told us that we had been lied to or maybe just misinformed and now scientists have discovered that the sky is not blue it is in fact, red. This one simple thing changes everything. If the sky is blue, then what color is the sun, the stars, the grass, the ocean, everything? All of sudden our understanding and perception of everything would be altered, forever different. It would take a while for us to adjust to it and I think that some of us would fight it for a while before we would accept it but eventually we would adjust. However, in the beginning it would feel weird and we would no longer be sure of anything. If the sky is red, is the ocean red too if it was originally blue? We would know that the grass is not green but what color is it. We know that everything is different but we are not sure exactly what the new reality is. As bizarre and mystic as this all sounds, that is how I feel right now. I feel different, strange, not quite myself, and not quite sure of how to look at things, to feel, just about anything. So, if you happen to see a strange white woman wondering around looking a bit lost, it might be me.....

Dog people vs. Cat People

Yes, the century long battle continues between the sweet, loving, and loyal group of dog lovers vs. the snobby, too good for you, leave me alone group of cat people. I am sure it is impossible at this point to tell which group I belong to. I will let the suspense continue for a little while longer. =) Either way, we are all pet lovers. Do you know what it is about having a pet that makes us happy? Why do kids beg and plead to get one? For me, having a dog was so much fun. It was great to have my little guy to go for walks with and play with and snuggle with. But then, one morning I awoke to weird sounds only to discover that my dog was having a grand mal seizure that lasted about 5 minutes. I thought he was dying. I just cried and held him. Throughout the next year, my little Matty had many more seizures. Because he had grand mal cluster seizures, I had to take him to the vet emergency clinic often. The amount of money that I spent on my dog was definitely significant. Eventually, they became so frequent and severe that too much damage had been done and he needed to be put down. I loved my dog.

This morning when I got online, one of the news headlines was about wheelchairs for pets. As I looked at the cute little dog in his wheelchair, I just started to cry. It came out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting it. However, I wasn't crying because of the dog, I was crying because of the people that I see here. I was crying because of all the people I see crippled, many of whom do not even have wheelchairs and if they do they are nothing like what we have in the States. I am not sure what to do with the things that I see everyday. How do I help? How do I not help? How do I not hurt for these people that I see limping along who have to walk miles just to get water? How does my heart not break for people that have little to no value in their society and are cast offs? But, how do I live in a perpetual state of brokenness? In it is not every once in a while that I see these things, it is every day.

As Julia and I were driving yesterday, she told me the story of a woman that was just heartbreaking that she saw earlier. I think the man in the wheelchair along the side of the road whose legs were size of a tiny tree branch might have been what reminded her of that woman but I am not sure. I couldn't help but think that we have barely begun to scratch the surface of the despair and poverty in this country and really all over.

Honestly, sometimes it is too much for me. I just want to run away and hide and forget about all the things that I have seen. I just want to go home and go back to my old life and let these people just be people that I see occassionally on the news or that I hear stories about rather than real people that I know. But I know I can't...

Systems, processes, and other practical things

When people come to Africa to serve, I think the dream is often to help by feeding a starving child or giving medicine to someone suffering from AIDS or building a house for a widow. I know that is what I thought about. Some of my favorite times this past year have been when I was sitting on a rock in someone's mud hut that is too small for me to even stand and listening to their story and praying for them. However, as I have gone deeper into the ministry as a whole, I have realized that a lot more is needed. If people want to feed a starving child, food needs to be bought, a cook needs to be found, people to distribute food need to be hired. To give someone medicine means making sure the right health people are involved and that there is proper care. To build a house means getting a quote and bill of quantity for all the supplies and finding the right people to help. On an ever grander scale, building a school! WOW! The work that takes from the classrooms to the desks and chairs, from the septic tank to the retaining walls. We have learned that in the process of all of this we need better communication and involvement of the community and pastors. Throughout my time here, I felt frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, disheartened and whole other range of emotions because of mundane, practical things. So, last week when I finished my week I felt this enormous since of progress! I felt like we were making head way on developing systems and processes and had created a few simple forms. YEAH!

Sometimes it's the little things....

Perspective

Do you ever lose perspective? Do you ever get so focused on the things that are right in front of you that you forget to take a step back and look at the big picture? Do you ever get so caught up in all the things that you have to do that you forget all the things that have already been done? That sometimes you are not working with your head up, but with your head down.
I am hoping that I am not alone in this! I am so thankful that God so often steps into my life and helps me see what He sees. Yesterday, I felt like God took my head in His hands and lifted up to take a look around.

We went to the village of Karanse with a long agenda of things to discuss. These things varied from teams that are coming to communication, from painting of the school to a sewing class for widows. So many things to do and so little time. There is so much to do. After we finished meeting with the pastor and social worker, we needed to go and greet the teachers. At that time, school was just finishing and all the students were lined up for the end of the day assembly. As they worshipped God, singing with all of their heart as loud as they can, I just cried. It is so easy to lose perspective and get caught up in the little things. I so often forget what God has already done and what He is doing. These children are loved and cared for. They are receiving one of the best educations in all of Tanzania. They are poor village kids that live in mud huts yet they get to learn and have awe and wonder in the discovery of so many amazing things. On a daily basis, they are taught that God loves them and are shown that love through their teachers and other workers. They have hope. Their lives are forever changed. WOW! What a good God we serve!

More from You might be living in Africa if.....

You might be living in Africa if you are at a bridal shower and a monkey jumps out of the tree and steals your cake!

You might be living in Africa if driving sideways and slipping back and forth across the road doesn't scare you because it is perfectly normal.

You might be living in Africa if falling into ditch becomes a normal occurrence with bad roads.

You might be living in Africa if you are constantly waving to people as you are driving along in the car. I have achieved celebrity status simply because I am white.

You might be living in Africa if someone starts to crumple wrapping paper and everyone gasps. Wrapping paper can be ironed and reused!

You might be living in Africa if you open the window to your office and there is a snake. (This happened to someone who is in my old office and not to me. Thank GOD!)

You might be living in Africa if you go back to your room and there is a baby spitting cobra waiting for you. (Not at my house, while I was in one of the villages)

You might be living in Africa if those crazy stories that people seem to make up about everything going wrong are actually true. (No joke, I had to get a hold of someone. They sent me a text. I could not reply because my texting was not working. Then the network was down. Then, they had their phone turned off. And, finally,I ran out of credit).

You might be living in Africa if that weird itch on your skin really is a big crawling on you.

You might be living in Africa if knowing two languages is considered normal or even basic. Tribal languages make life more interesting. Each village requires a different greeting!

You might be living in Africa if no party you have ever been to compares to the praise and worship here!

That's all for now, but stay tuned for more. Life here is never boring!

Word for the day

In my quest for mastery of the swahili language, I often forget words that I learn. Some days I just can't make them stick in my head. In order for them to find a permanent place in my memory, I need to use them or there needs to be a context. Usually, there is a word of the day for me. This past Friday, I learned two new words! Kwama and matope which means stuck and mud. Any guesses as to how I learned those words? That's right, you guessed it. What an adventure! The rainy season definitely makes life interesting here.

We were heading up to the village of Likamba Friday morning. As we turned off the tarmac road, I quickly realized that it was going to be a slippery day. However, I am not sure why but the roads to Likamba have had a lot of erosion. Looking over the valley you see endless paths of ditches that are between 5 - 15 feet deep. The terrain is hilly and a bit trecherous. Since the previous week we had gotten stuck towards the end of the trip and had to walk, I was hoping that things would go a bit differently. As we were driving past a particularly deep ditch, I had a vision of our truck laying on the side stuck in the ditch. So, I turned around and asked Isack if he had already prayed for our journey. At that moment, the slipping into the ditch began.... Thankfully, our driver was able to put the car into park before we fell in. I, on the other hand, was not so lucky. After getting out of the car, I quickly checked out the consistency of the mud. I felt it was important to fully understand how wet the mud was. Before completely falling, I caught myself with my hands. It took a lot of leaves to get the mud off!

While we assessing the situation, several men walked by. From what I understand, they planned to just pass us by and assumed that no one spoke Masaai. However, both the driver and Miriam(our admin) are Masaai and quickly greeted them. The men reluctantly decided to help. The ground needed to be dug up to try to give the tires some traction. So, Miriam went to one of the huts nearby to get a pick and a hoe. After a lot of digging and a lot of mud later, the car was able to be lifted over onto the better patch. Once the tires were able to get some traction, the driver took off. Because we were not sure if it was safe, the driver took the car and we walked. In case any of you are thinking about walking in the mud, please wear shoes other than flip flops. They are not the easiest to walk in. I almost slipped SO many more times. Everyone had to help me and I felt like an idiot! There was nothing left to do but laugh and enjoy my time skating on the mud.

Eventually we felt like it was safe to get in the car again. However, not to long after we ended up in a ditch. The car was half in and half out on its side. Getting out of the car was a bit of an adventure. I am not sure how, but the truck was able to drive and eventually right itself. Once again, however we walked. I couldn't help but laugh that we would walk and the car would drive. I felt like what was the point in bringint the truck if we were just going to walk. This time, we just walked all the way to our final destination. Needless to say, we were a bit late. Since it is Africa, we actually arrived before anyone else. Sweet Miriam washed my feet, what a servant. I tried to protest but she insisted. It definitely gave me more of an idea of what it meant to wash someone's feet during the time of Christ. After all that traveling, people would want to have their feet clean because they would be DIRTY. To have someone that you respect washing your feet was very humbling.

Going back was not quite as adventurous, THANK GOD! We have learned that we need to travel with our own pick and hoe!

Building Relationships

During my months here, I have quickly learned the value of building good relationships with others. Of course, the people that I work with are of the utmost importance. However, the man that I buy my fruit from, the one I buy vegetables from, the butcher, the woman at the store that has western goods have all become people that I have gotten to know well over the past year. Now knowing them by name and being able to greet them has made life easier and nicer. I know what to expect and it is familiar. One area that has been a little unexpected and maybe even a little unwanted is the Medical Clinic. They all know me now. The place has become familiar. I am incredibly thankful that the people there are very kind and helpful but I wouldn't mind seeing less of them. =) I have been sick for a week and not able to get better so I finally got over my stubbornness and went AGAIN to the doctor. Bacteria.... ICK!