I miss my dog

Unfortunately I think my body lost its immunity to the wonderful array of pollen that infest the otherwise beautiful state of Georgia. When the season of blooming flowers began, I used to be able to innocently and naively enjoy them and feel slight empathy for my friends that were suffering from the onslaught of the tortuous pollen allergy. I move to Tanzania and somehow I have become susceptible to the enemy of pollen. ARGH! I should have timed my return better. 

Needless to say, I am coughing, sneezing, sniffling and all that jazz. To make matters worse, it has developed into a sinus infection and breathing seems to be more of an effort. I even get to enjoy the delights of constant temperature changes in my own body. To all of you that have suffered with these allergies for years, I am so sorry for not caring enough about what you were going through. I was so insensitive! 

What does pollen have to do with my dog? I am getting there. I wish that I was a tough, strong woman that laughed in the face of illness. I was a missionary, in Africa, with snakes, and spiders, and all sorts of other crazy things. I have seen and eaten things that scare away most. However, when it comes to being sick, I am a big baby. Tragic but true. So, now that I am back, I can enjoy the wonderful world of renting movies. So, I rented "Marley and Me".  As I sat there watching the sweet story of the family and their dog, it made me miss my sweet Matty (short for Mathematics).  Just to be clear, they thought that they had the world's worst dog, he is small potatoes, does not even hold a candle to my beloved Matty. And, then he was also epileptic. He had grand mal, cluster seizures.  But, he was a world class snuggler. I don't think that he realized that he weighed forty pounds and was not actually a lap dog, but I didn't mind. Whenever I was sick or down, Matty would snuggle. He was a sweet dog. 

Taking a dog to Tanzania is not practical, so I had to find a home for my dog. That process was hard since most people did not and really could not take on the responsibility of caring for a dog with epilepsy. In the eleventh hour, (typical God style) an amazing family agreed to take him. There is so much to that story that showed me God was good and faithful. They were the perfect family for Matty and loved him so much. 

Even though they gave him lots of quality time (his love language) and took great care of him, the seizures increased in intensity and frequency. Matty had a hard time when I went away for the weekend, so the change proved to be too much for him. That sweet family gave so much of themselves to care for him and I felt so helpless thousands of miles away. Eventually, the vet felt that it would be best to put him down.  This was about five months after I arrived in Tanzania. When I felt God calling me to be a missionary, I didn't really understand all that was involved. God is good. He loves me. He is sovereign. He knew when he called me to Tanzania, that Matty would end up being put down. Sometimes it seems silly to be so sad over a dog, but I can't help it.  I loved my dog and I miss him. 

Did I really just ask that?

Do you ever have surreal moments? You know those moments where you are watching yourself and realize that life has changed more than you ever thought possible or you have changed or even you realize that your understanding of life is a whole lot different. My first couple of trips to Tanzania were filled with the smiles and laughter of children. That melody of the children's laughter has played over and over in my heart. What a sweet sound. So, you can imagine that the tears of those same children make my heart feel like it is being ripped into pieces. Furthermore, I feel very protective of those children and when someone causes them pain or to cry, I want to defend them and to make it stop. 

One day, I was hanging out with some of the children as they were waiting to get a health screening. After finishing a meeting, I was just out in one of the villages catching up with the children. One of the boys that I do not often see came up to talk to me. This boy in particular can be elusive and I know has had a rough time. I had visited him several times with his sponsor and was hoping that his sponsor was there that day. The distance from Atlanta to Tanzania is hard to imagine for a child that has never been outside of his village. =)  Since I knew how much his sponsor loved and prayed for him, I began asking questions to get more of an update. 

I know that many of you are rather observant. Unfortunately, I do not have keen observational skills and do not always notice things. This was one of those rare moments where I actually saw pain in the eyes of a child, a child that is maybe 12 years old. As we began to talk, I realized that this precious child was hurting more than I could imagine. I knew that his mother had a drinking problem and that they lived in extreme poverty. In the past, there had been a problem of his mother selling the gifts that were given by the sponsor in order to purchase alcohol. I can't imagine how that sweet boy must have felt to see his mother take something that was given to him in order to purchase alcohol for herself. At what point, do you emotionally shut down, when you have experienced all that he has? 

We talked for a while and then a little light when on in my head. His mother has no money and no real way to get money other than a small garden that he takes care of. She drinks all the time. How does she get the money? So, I asked him if  a lot of men came to visit his mom? You could see the devastation on his face as he replied yes. That little boy had to be in the house as his mother prostituted herself to get money for her alcohol and possibly even food. I am not sure even how to process all of that.  On a practical note, that sweet boy is no longer living with his mother and is in a healthier living environment. Can you imagine what he has seen,what he has experienced? I am so thankful that God is a redeemer and a healer but those wounds seem so deep, almost too deep. 

That was the surreal moment for me. I was sitting on the ground in the middle of nowhere Africa, covered in dirt from playing with children earlier, having a conversation with a child in another language asking if his mother was prostituting herself.  When I felt God calling me to Tanzania, I had no idea what I was getting involved in. Life is so much messier than I realized.