Overwhelmed

To say that I am overwhelmed seems like a gross understatement. I am not sure where to start and I feel all over the place. I am in language school right now for a two week course. I have learned so much and feel like I am making a lot of progress which is a huge blessing. Even though I feel like I had already learned a lot, I felt like I was stuck and could not get to the next level of communication. The course here has been wonderful. On top of the language learning, I am surrounded by people that are also involved in community development. I feel like I have arrived to the promise land. In addition, the college is a college for development and there is a plethora of resources. I feel like I just want to stay and read and learn and discuss and process through all the issues that we are dealing with. But, the more I learn, the more I feel like we are far away from where we want to be and the more I realize how much work it will take to get there.

At times, I feel afraid that it is impossible, too much has already happened.I feel completely incapable. I have never been more sure that I am not able to do the work in front me. I forget that God is sovereign. I forget that even though all of this is new to me, it is not new to God. He knows the best way to create sustainable development. He knows the best way to empower the poor and encourage them. He knows the way to help a community be transformed. I forget that many people have been praying before they began the work we are involved with. They sought God's wisdom and guidance. And, even though it might not look like the best way in the eyes of the world, God is working. He is accomplishing His perfect will. Also, it might just not be about me and what I can do, but about God. The fact that I cannot do it ensures that it is clear that it is God doing the work and not me. It is Him that deserves the glory. Although I like to pretend that I don't need God, it might be that He is trying to teach me to depend on Him. I try to do things on my own, in my own strength. I am not sure how to depend on God when making decisions. What does it look like to love God with all your soul, mind, and strength when trying to figure out village government and the best way forward? How do I rest in God when the amount of work seems neverending? How do I enjoy Him when the need of others seems overwhelming?