Balance

Do you ever achieve balance? Are there people out there that know how to handle things and respond to things with a clear head and keep things in perspective? I am sure there are, I am just not one of them. I tend to be a person of extremes in just about everything. Since living here, I feel as though this has been magnified. How do you not make your life your work? Especially as a single person? I know God does not need me, but I don't think I really believe it. When what I am doing affects the lives of so many, it is hard to not feel like things have to be done all the time. How do I take time to just sit at home relaxing when that means that the children at one of the villages might not get their porridge when they need it. How do I go over to a friend's home to have fun when there are children suffering? How do live in a world surrounded by poverty and need and spend $9 on Frosted Flakes? I did it. Today, I just really wanted some Frosted Flakes. As soon as I get to my car, there is a street child begging for money. I know that money is not the answer but it is hard to know what to do. The other night we watched "Runaway Bride." Who doesn't like the love story, but for me it was seeing the countryside, the leaves changing colors, the sight of something familiar. I miss America. But then there are times that I think, how can I go back to normal when I know what I know now and have seen what I have seen. I know that the only reason I am here is because God has called me here, but sometimes I just feel all turned around and upside down.

The value of life

During my short stint here so far, I have learned things that just make me cry. Sometimes I just don't know how to respond. I do not know what to do in the face of so much despair and poverty. Like today when I pull into my very nice gated house and see this little old women sitting looking lost, alone, and hungry; the street children that greet me every time I get out of my car in town, the man sitting crippled on the side of the street. When I pass it on the street, I feel at a loss for what to do.

However, I know that the ministry that I am blessed to be a part of is doing something about it. One of the tragedies of one of the tribes here is that if a child is born with any deformities or disabilities, then he/she is killed. Can you imagine what it must be like to kill your own child? To kill it because you know that you will be ostracized and cast out if you do not? To be lied to and told that it does not have any value? But you have to know that when you kill that precious baby, that you have taken life? What happens to a heart after it has killed another? A child in the village of Mairowa lost both of his legs when he was a young child. The mother stood in defiance of her culture and did not kill him. Our ministry helped the child find help: money for an operation, prosthetics, and a special school. What is even more amazing is now that 15 year old boy has returned home walking. The tears of his family were running with reckless abandon. There was a special time of thanksgiving and prayer. People came from all over, even Kenya, and several towns close by. The District Commissioner came which is a huge honor. One man who is also disabled came and spoke. He brought his two beautiful children and wife with him. He is even a doctor! The people could not believe it. Can you imagine what it must be like for people who have thrown children like them away to see that there is value in life? Even though they are supposed to kill, some just hide their children away. They were challenged to bring them forward. Three did and now will be able to get help. Unbelievable! God is definitely in the business of transformation!

God's sense of humor

When my family and I first moved to Georgia when I was sixteen, it took us a little while to find the shortcuts. However, with my dad and I on the case it was not too long. Both of us are quite determined to find the quickest, best, most efficient way to do just about anything. So, you can imagine my excitement when I discovered a new shortcut to one of the main roads. I distinctly remember coming and telling my dad, but he said he had found the fastest way. In the end, we had ourselves a challenge. We needed to clock the mileage for each way. My dad's was 4.1 and mine..... 1.6!! I was the winner! (Not competitive at all) I put that on the refrigerator. I wish this was a lone story in the history of my childhood, but it is not. Throughout my life, I have been on the search for the most efficient, best way to do things even things like loading the dishwasher. I cannot stand inefficiency. To make matter worst, I went to an engineering school and even studied more ways to make things better and more efficient. This is me, for better or for worse, it is me.

Then, what does God do. God calls me to a place where relationships are valued over efficiency. Interesting, don't you think. Find the most efficient method, is just about impossible because things change so much. I needed to go and get an Xray for my foot. We were told that the technician at one hospital would be there at 9am. So we showed up, at 9am. No technician. By now, I should not be suprised. No one was really sure where he was. He never showed the night before. He is out traveling. He could be back anytime. They just told me to wait, but by now I know better, ask more questions! What does anytime mean I ask? Later today? Maybe, or maybe tomorrow or maybe next week. I figured that waiting could take a while.

So, we went to another hospital. Finding how to see the doctor was a bit challenging. People just kept going in to the room with the doctor even people that had come after me. Since I could not walk very well, it made it a bit difficult to beat anyone to the door. Thank God for Julia. She got me in. Of course, once I was in, I still had to wait for 15 minutes for the doctor and nurse to talk. Once they finished, he said, "Hello, mzungu" Clearly, he did not realize that I had understood everything that he and the nurse had been talking about. He asked what happened, never once looking at my foot or examining me. Sent me off to get an Xray. That technician was of course no where to be found and no one really knew where he was or when he would be back.

At this point, I wish I could say that I responded with grace and humility and was an example for Christ. But, alas that was not to be. The result was me telling the nurse who was trying to find the xray technician, that I was sorry that her hospital was so poorly run. My emotions got the better of me. My foot was in a lot of pain and I was aghast at the complete inefficiency of the methods. Oh well..... Maybe God is trying to teach me something....

The Klutz strikes again

When you read stories of missionaries, you often find that they have suffered from various illnesses such as malaria, typhoid, etc. I know that having malaria is horrible and serious, but getting it while you are missionary seems almost romantic, suffering Jesus, laying your life down. Please do not get me wrong, I DO NOT WANT MALARIA! However, those illnesses come from going to another country to serve God. To me, it seems like there is almost a nobility to them.

A story that I read as a child was called, "Megan the Klutz." The sequel which was almost as good was called, "The Klutz strikes again." To my knowledge, I do not think that those were based on my life but they could have been.

Throughout my life, I have been brutally aware of my inability to walk and talk at the same time, that coordination was just one of those things I do not have. I trip on flat ground. I walk into walls. I don't see the cord in the front of my classroom and fall over in front of all of my students. I sit down on a chair that isn't quite in the right spot and miss it once again in front of my class. Yes, this is the life of a klutz, my life.

I hoped that my tendency to fall would have been left back in the states. Surely that now that I am a missionary, I would finally be graceful. That was not what happened. Last Wednesday, I was coming out of a night of amazing worship with all of our teachers and just simply walking down a few steps. By now, I should know better. PAY ATTENTION! Do not walk and talk at the same time. But, I did not, and I fell just like I usually do. This time I drew a huge crowd. The pain was bad enough for me to almost pass out. My ankle quickly grew tennis ball size and now it has all sorts of pretty shades of blue and purple. The Klutz strikes again!

The Hills are Alive....

One of my favorite all time movies is the Sound of Music. My parents are fully aware of this because I used to play the soundtrack over and over again and dance around my room. A little embarassing to admit now, but true. =) For those of you who haven't seen it, the opening seen is Maria played by Julie Andrews singing and twirling around in the mountains of Austria. She is singing the hills are alive with the sound of music. Throughout the beautiful melody, you see how much she loves her country and her life and relishes the wonder in the place that she calls home.

Tanzania is a amazing country. I live near Mt. Meru and often have an unbelievable view of Mt. Kilimanjaro especially when I travel to a few of our villages. Often, in my short stint here so far, I felt like Maria. I have been in awe of the beauty that surrounds me and want to sing in praise to my God for bringing me here. The people, the countryside, and so much more are wonderful.

Then.... there are other days..... Recently, I have been having a few more of the other days mostly brought on because of my desperate pursuit for working internet. Because of the amount of traveling that I do plus several other issues, having internet at my home seemed like it would be incredibly beneficial. However, as my roommate so eloquently put it, we live in the Bermuda triangle of internet world. I will spare you the details of my sordid saga but sordid it is! There is one last ray of hope, please pray!

Hello!

Hello all of my faithful readers! I am so sorry for my lack of input lately! Please pray for internet. There is a whole sordid saga of a story there. My roommate thinks we live in the Bermuda triangle of internet and the office is not always reliable, plus I travel. Yowsers! God is good. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I should be writing a real blog soon because there has definitely not been a shortage of interesting adventures.

What a Day!

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you have accomplished a lot? You know one of those days where you feel like everything has fallen into place and your hard work is starting to show? You know those days when you come home from work feeling energized, on top of the world, and just plain good? Today was one of those days for me. Throughout my time here, I have known that it would take time to build relationships to be able to go deeper, and get to the nitty gritty of things. However, patience has never been one of my strengths! Not only relationships, but also just understanding how things work here, what the processes are, who to talk to, etc. etc. With any new job, it takes a while to figure your way around and here I am adding a new country, new culture, new language, and stuff so it has taken a while. I still have more to learn but today was just good. We were able to get so much accomplished and really talk through a lot of the issues that we have been facing at one of the projects. In addition, we were able to be creative and figure out how to tackle them and even do that without getting outside funding. I felt like we were really communicating which so often I do not feel like because the culture here is indirect communication and protecting the relationship at all costs and sometimes that means telling me what they think I want to hear instead of reality. I feel like today significant progress was made in that area. WOW! Praise God! What a day!